Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful situation over inheritance-who is BU?

400 replies

whoisright · 13/11/2012 08:22

I have namechanged as this is such a volatile subject in my family....despite the fact that nobody has even died yet Confused

It is a long story and it is bothering me every day because I do not know what to do or say and it is causing no end of upset and stress within the family.

I am the eldest of 3, our parents divorced years ago. My mum lives in family home (big-ish house in good area) with my younger sister who is planning on moving out soon with her dp so they can live together.

HOWEVER dsis has some health issues (epilepsy) and our mum wants to provide for her so the house will (when our parents have died) go to her, if she has moved out she will just move straight back in again and take it over (no mortgage so she wont have to worry about paying as she has no job).

I have accepted this, but my brother is livid. absolutely livid and has said there is no way he will accept this, he wants the house sold and the money split 3 ways. He has said that yes, she is ill but that we all have problems in our lives and it shouldnt be just one child that is provided for.
He himself has a good job, 2 children but a lot of debt and is renting so sees the money as possibly a deposit for a house and he has mentioned to me that my circumstances are not great (we live in a council house, have 4 dcs with a genetic condition and debts too) but really after living with my sister and seeing her every day I know she will never really be able to work so will not get a chance to get a house like that-she is currently waiting for a council flat to move in with her dp temporarily untill time comes that hey get the family home.

I think my brother should really give this up now, stop going on about it and just accept it like I have. The last thing I want in a few years time is to be caught up in a horrible battle over a house. Yes, that amount of money would be life changing but at the end of the day it is my mums house and it is her choice which of her children she leaves it to.

It is causing a lot of tension between my brother and sister they are both gearing up towards a huge fight over this at some point and I dont know what to say. What do i do?

OP posts:
ihavenofuckingclue · 13/11/2012 20:40

I mean it didn't neatly cost you anything.

ihavenofuckingclue · 13/11/2012 20:42

I hate auto correct.

I meant (again)

It didn't nearly cost you anything.

nilbyname · 13/11/2012 20:53

Walk away my love, seriously wash your hands of them, and leave them to their mad toxic ways.

Xales · 13/11/2012 20:54

Based on your later posts I wouldn't want any of the money. I would be having nothing to do with someone who threw my kids out on the street with no where to go in the middle of the night and I sure as hell would not be looking after this woman when she was older and infirm.

Look at what not you but your children went through because of the pair of them! You sound like someone giving in to have a quiet life. Fine if that is what you prefer. My preference would be not to have these people in my life and no money can change that situation.

I am actually in the opposite position. My mum has split her will between me (50%) and my sisters children (the other 50% shared between them) totally cutting out my sister. Long story. My sister is seriously pissed off. I don't care I would rather have my mum for the the next 30 years!

I have told my mum that she needs to now at 64 pin down every thing she wants to happen if she gets ill or needs care as my sister will attempt to muscle in and take over whether it is to the benefit of my mum or not. I am happy to look after her or for every penny from her house to go on the best support necessary if that is what is best for my mum!

ihavenofuckingclue · 13/11/2012 20:54

Your sister is a bitch. Someone who would see kids on the street. Complete cow.

Your mother is not better for going along with it.

They are toxic for you and your kids.

Tell your dad. You may accept you are getting nothing but you can't make that decision for him.

gettingeasier · 13/11/2012 20:56

Hi

I dont think you are being a mug or doormat it sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders with your family

It doesnt sound like you have the stomach to fight for any stake in your parents estate and from what you are saying even if you did it sounds fairly futile although I am no expert.

I dont see why you would be worried about being cut off from such a family but I am sure there is more to it. I would walk away from the subject. Maybe your Mum isnt even going to really do it but is saying it safe in the knowledge its ages away and who cares what the fall out is when you are gone and is scared of upsetting your DS

AThingInYourLife · 13/11/2012 21:00

Presumably this pair of evil bitches are planning to keep your Dad ignorant of the fact that your sister has moved out so that he dies without having asserted his rights to his house.

Then your sister will move in when your mother dies in an attempt to defraud you and your brother from your rightful claim on that third if the house.

Your mother can't leave the house to your sister, because it's not hers to leave.

1sassylassy · 13/11/2012 21:01

I ave been told they do not want my dad or brothr finding out when she moves out then on day when my mum dies it will be as if she never lived anywhere else-apparently this will help her case?
,she really has researched this,she is going to claim that she has always been dependent on your DM.
OP I really feel for you,have been through an inheritance case where no will was left and it wasnt pretty,in your shoes I would be letting your dad know the state of play.

ssd · 13/11/2012 21:03

op, I think you are a lot more bothered about this than you let on

you're mum is only 60, she'll go on for quite a bit more, stop worrying about what'll happen in the future

if your dad has a stake in the house she cant leave it all to your sis even if she wants to

and if they threw you out, why even think about them, let alone say you'd look after your mum when she gets old

something here is fishy to me

verytellytubby · 13/11/2012 21:04

All sounds toxic. They've worn you down so you can't see how awful they are. Your sister's meds aren't changing her personality. She's a spoilt entiled brat.

Your brother should talk to your dad. Your dad can leave the 33% to you & your brother.

How is your sister going to pay the inheritance tax?

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 13/11/2012 21:07

Tell your dad or get your brother to tell him, then forget about it. Your mother and sister sound horrible and I wouldn't want anything to do with them or the money anyway. They (yes, your mum too) threw your children out onto the street in the middle of the night? Shock How evil can you get?!

IneedAsockamnesty · 13/11/2012 21:18

Sounds like you would be best off out of the whole situation.

Show this thread to your brother and get him to deal with your dad being told

BlackandGold · 13/11/2012 21:29

So, has your mother actually made a Will?

Solicitors ask questions of their clients and would surely ask about ownership of the house.

If she claims it's all hers and it turns out it isn't then I think that would invalidate the Will.

expatinscotland · 13/11/2012 21:31

I agree with showing this thread to your brother. Sounds like he's got a better measure of them than you have.

And you, look after her when she's old? I wouldn't pee on her if she were on fire after she did that to my kids.

AmberLeaf · 13/11/2012 21:32

Im amazed that your sister is getting a council home when she is adequately housed with your mother and has no dependants!

Bogeyface · 13/11/2012 21:42

Funnily enough Expat when I was talking to H about this thread earlier (not dissimilar to a problem we have had) I said "I wouldnt piss on her if she was on fire".

TELL YOUR DAD OP, or atleast tell your brother so he can tell your dad.

And then get yourself into therapy ASAP to help you see that you are still a victim of the toxic piece of shit that is your sister.

JustSpidero · 13/11/2012 21:42

When I saw your OP I was prepared to wade in with 'your mum's Will, her choice' but having actually read the thread I am Shock.

Frankly your sister sounds like a disgusting excuse for a human being who is using her condition as an excuse to manipulate and control as many people around her as possible and do sweet FA for herself.

You have a dad who is clueless about the situation even though he has a vested interest, and a brother who is willing to fight the corner for both of you.

I would take this opportunity to support him in doing just that otherwise you'll be at your sister's mercy for the rest of your life.

Bogeyface · 13/11/2012 21:43

Amber Having read what she is capable of, I wouldnt put anything past her, she has probably bullied her mum into writing a letter to say she is being chucked out. Someone who has researched things to such an extent as to know how to claim the house would find the local council no problem at all Hmm

AmberLeaf · 13/11/2012 21:54

That wouldn't get her a council home these days Bogeyface!

Wow at the way this woman who isn't here to put her side across being demonised in this way.

2 sides to a story and all that...

MorrisZapp · 13/11/2012 21:55

I find it very odd that your mother and sister are conspiring over this, given your mothers age.

OP, do you mind answering this? Does your sister think your mum will die soon? The numbers just don't add up or make sense, if your mum is 60 and healthy.

TooImmatureGhostiesAndGhoulies · 13/11/2012 22:01

Fucking hell. OP, you should be running a mile from these people. You would look after your mum in her old age, and you are sorry for your sister, despite what they did to you? You are a mug. You are a doormat. Or you will be if you stick around.

Your sister is a total bitch.

You mother is a total bitch.

Your way of dealing with this may be to be the nice one. You are posting about how sorry you feel for them because you want to be seen as nice. You need to get over this and look after yourself and your DC. Nice girls finish last - in this case, with no inheritance, having spent x years looking after a mother who has shown clearly where she puts you and yours in the scheme of things.

OP, you can be nice at the same time as standing up for yourself. You don't have to let them walk all over you. You don't need to have anything to do with them. I can't believe your sister called the police because you slapped her. And then they chucked your kids out. Shock What horrible, horrible people.

Bogeyface · 13/11/2012 22:06

That wouldn't get her a council home these days Bogeyface!

It would if she has such needs as to not be able to work etc. Presumably she claims DLA etc and there are different rules for people who are too ill or disabled to work.

Bogeyface · 13/11/2012 22:09

And what fucking side can she put across?!

"I want my mothers house when she dies but my brother insists that it should be shared between him, me and our sister, plus my dad has a share in it too. AIBU to move in with my DP until mum dies and then move back in on the day she dies so I can claim that I was dependent on her so I can live in it and bring up my children in my own childhood home? I wont be telling my dad about this so he cant force the sale of the house to get his rightful share."

SERIOUSLY?!

ihavenofuckingclue · 13/11/2012 22:47

As awful as this situation is. I would pmsl at that aibu.

Bogeyface · 13/11/2012 22:55

Exactly Ihave, I am gobsmacked that anyone could suggest that there is "another side" to this!