To think this is so odd??!

[curiousgeorgie]

My PIL have mentioned several times over te past 8 weeks since their 2nd grandchild was born that they would love to have a canvas of the two children (my DD and new DN) to put on the wall.

With christmas coming thought this would be a great gift so sent a message to BIL and his fiancée to ask if we could get the kids together to do this for them. DH has a brilliant camera and is quite into photography so wouldn't cost them anything and wouldn't take long.

BIL sent a message straight back saying great idea, they'll love that, lets set it up.

3 hours later and she sends me a message saying 'Im going to have to say no to the picture'.

Weird???! Please tell me this is completely off because I'm not really sure what on earth I'm supposed to respond to that!

Maybe SIL was planning on getting a professional pic done of her dd as a surprise to everyone (inc her dp) so now you've "spoilt the surprise" as she's had to tell her dp?

Cant you just get hold of one of the pics of your dd holding her cousin or have one of your own, and photoshop the background?

Personally i cant imagine any reason she could give that wouldn't make her come across as petty and selfish, given that you have said this would be free, and would be for your parents/he pils, whom you both get on with.

I knew it.

When push comes to shove, no is not a complete sentence.

and only an idiot would say it was

YANBU. Seems very strange to me .

I am really at some of the suggestions on here, especially those saying the OP should just produce a canvas anyway from an existing photo.

The thing is, we all have our own thoughts and opinions. Some of them are reasonable, some are irrational, some are just plain silly. BUT - as long as the SIL isn't doing any harm or hurting anyone by saying no (and I don't think I would categorise mild disappointment for the grandparents at not getting the giant canvas that they like the idea of as 'doing harm' or hurting them) she must be allowed the right to do so without being harassed and without passive aggressive comments, actions or railroading.

Who knows, she may think about it/discuss it with her friends/DH/other mums and come to the conclusion that she's being a bit precious and change her mind - she may not. But ffs, the OP can't just totally ignore her 'no' and make a canvas anyway. There are tons of posters on here who have slightly pfb/precious/irrational moments about stuff (especially with a new, first baby - remember this baby is only 8 weeks old) and the general sway of things is that they're told that they have the right to determine what happens to their baby regardless of what anyone else wants. I happen to agree with this sentiment. So why does it go out of the window now??

"Personally i cant imagine any reason she could give that wouldn't make her come across as petty and selfish"

Well, there may be a reason that you can't imagine or haven't thought of. Or maybe her reason is petty and selfish. But it's her baby, so that's okay. She can be petty and selfish about her 8 week old teeny tiny first ever baby. Really, she can. It's fine.

I wouldn't want my PFB to be held by a 2 year old, maybe SIL wasn't 100% happy when your DD held the baby and doesn't want to do it again.

8 week old babies are not cute, not compared to a 2 year old, maybe suggest you do a photo next year when DN is a little more robust and cute looking.

Maybe they already know what they are going to give ILs for Christmas?

Maybe they have already got the perfect picture of the two children and are planning on having a canvas made for PIL and one for your Christmas present too?

Honeytea - just wanted to say that DD holding DN was 100% SIL's idea...

And DD isn't a rowdy or rough child, she's only just started walking, can't run or jump and isn't very strong due to hypermobility and hypertonia... She's very gentle.

SIL may have a problem of some kind but I'm sure it's not my DD, positive.

She might have just had an instant, 'no way' reaction (induced by newborn exhaustion/anxiety?) and may change her mind, OP. I have learned my lesson when it comes to guessing why people do things that seem mean/irrational - I won't go into it, but I have had very dark thoughts about people that have subsequently proved totally unfair as I simply haven't been aware of their circumstances (even people I have known very well and been close to). So don't guess why she has reacted this way - you may find out one day, you may not - but either way, don't poison a positive relationship with prying and hassling as some folk have suggested. It's lovely that your DD and DN are close in age, they may well end up best of friends and that will be such a nice thing for their grandparents to see - much more so than a tacky canvas.

Oh I didn't mean at all that your DD was to blame at all, I just can't see the need for a toddler to hold a baby but that is my opinion. As your SIL instigated that can't be the issue.

I would just take a really nice photo of your DD and print it on a medium sized canvas and add to it each year, probably once your SIL sees the picture up on the wall and her child has grown a little she will probably be willing to do the joint photo.

YANBU.

It is odd. Its what PILs want, I cannot think of a single reason for her saying no to this.

Please try and find out, it will bug me. "just don't" is a shit reason. She must have an actual reason otherwise she wouldn't say no.

If my children had cousins I would be more than happy for them to have pictures together for someone in the family.

Get over it folks, she doesn't wanna do the picture. Jog on...

Selfish? Precious? Treating her baby like a lifestyle accessory? Odd?

Seriously people?

Jeezo!

I think it would look quite shit to be honest, a toddler and a newborn posed where? On the sofa? A snap taken on dad's camera and blown up to mammoth proportions? Nah.

Does she really have to give a reason?

Morris

My thoughts exactly.

and yes, I think people are being bitches about the SIL

This is weird.

Some people are weird, your SIL may just be one of those.

My guess is she's either thinking about image rights, therefore maybe pointing out it would be a private DH photo would help, or she thinks she's being asked to be in it, which again pointing out the truth would help.

It's hard to believe she would say no otherwise, unless she is (as above) just plain weird.

It's a shame if she's just a stroppy cow wanting to take a lovely present away from the GPs.

Stroppy cow? Weird?

Why? I don't get it.

Canvas print for Christmas? I would definitely say no if someone wanted my DS on it because i think they're awful, tacky and revolting.
Can't understand why this is confusing for some people.

She has a perfect right to say no, without having to justify herself.
OP YABU, just let it go and get on with your life, not everyone's going to like what you like.

She doesn't want to do it, she doesn't like the whole idea, even if she's just being contrary does it bloody matter?

Tbh the OP is beginning to sound "odd" letting someone elses choices irritate her so much.

TidyDancer, she's not weird or a stroppy cow.

It's her child, her right to say no.

Let. It. Go.
It's no big deal.

It's not her that would be putting it on her wall is it? Presumably this same woman has a problem with GPs putting photos of her PFB up as well?

I just think she's being weird about it. It doesn't even affect her. It's just a photograph.

Don't tell me what to do, I'm as entitled to my opinion as you are.