To be peed off at parents who drop their children's off at birthday parties...

[AnnaLiza]

....instead of offering to help out!
It's not only about the child being able to cope without the parent. I do expect 11 year olds to be ok without the parents but how can it not occur to mums and dads that I may struggle to feed and look after a bunch of 15 kids when they sit down for food and cake?
I find it very rude that the parents just shoot off without even asking if I might need help. AIBU?

Can you start a thread with more of the same?

I would be quite happy to help at a party IF I was asked in advance. If my 11 year old was invited to party I would be making other plans and would assume that the party organiser had everything under control.
I also think that although the boys did behave badly, it is so easy for boys of that age to get wound up and carried away and it does sound a bit like OP wasn't really on top of what was going on as she was too busy acting as waitress!
In future OP, invite less kids and ask for help in advance :-)

YABU OP, though I expect you've got that by now. If you need help, arrange it beforehand. I always insisted on contact numbers, and by age 11, the most we ever had was 9 for karaoke, DVDs and sleepover, but no parents staying.

It always went well, though I have the advantage of a death ray glare perfected by 30 years of teaching.:o

The system isn't different in Scotland. From school age my kids' parties were drop and go and I rarely knew the phone numbers of my kids' friends. We do both work though so in general their friends' parents aren't my friends. Now they are teenagers they have their friends' phone numbers but I still don't know them. We do live in an urban area though, I suspect in rural areas parents maybe socialise more, especially if they don't work.
I always put party finishing time on invites and rarely invited more than half a dozen.

Also many 11 year olds are at secondary school (especially in England) so what is the "class phone number" stuff? There are over 100 kids in the year, it would be breaking data protection laws to hand out all their details to any parent requesting them.
I have never been given a whole classes contact details and would be unhappy if my address and phone details were handed out in this way.

Complete arf at the idea of 11yr olds playing pass the parcel!

Sm it does seem as though you are the only person on this thread who lives and operates the system you do, fair enough if that is how it works around you but seemingly for 99% of the population that isn't the case. Drop and bugger orf since about the age of 6 unless child particularly nervy.

I did a spy mission type party for ten 10 year old boys this year and 3 of my closest friends stayed to help dole out the cake. I didn't ask them and wouldn't have been in the least bit bothered if they had gone off shopping. In fact two of them went off for the first hour or so to do a few bits. They wanted to stay for tea and chat whilst the DC's all shot each other or whatever and then more than happy to cut the cake and hand out. No big deal, no way would I have expected anyone to stay though. I took my book to read in fact as expected to be nobby no mates for two hours.

What kind of princess are you?? If it's only you hosting the party, then only invite as many as you can look after. If I had to have a party of 11 year old boys there'd probably only be 3 or 4 of them. Expecting people to help you is ridiculous; if I was taking my DS to a party, I would have made plans to do something while he was there, so the last thing on my mind would be to stay and help.

Get yourself properly organised in advance and don't expect everyone to fall over themselves to help out poor little you. YABVU.

Do you know what? I'm a bit at the number of parents who see parties as free child care. Yes, the OP should have organised a back up plan, but here the general consensus is to ask if it's ok to leave the kids and to leave a contact number.

Barking! - don't stay to help unless asked in advance or a good friend looks in need. Don't stay to make sure my child is ok after the age of 5 and wouldn't expect anyone else to either.

I certainly didn't want parents staying when I was doing a party - it would be highly annoying- just drop and leave.

I've never left a contact number, ever. Nor asked for one, ever. If there's an emergency ring 999. If it's not an emergency then what's the big deal? That's all a bit schooly isn't it?

41 - at 11 years old? You'd ask the host parent if it was ok to leave them?? Really???

And and and...
I only stay to ensure the child is comfortable not the host. When I host a party, I invite as many as dh and I can cope with or ask (bribe with cake and wine) a friendly parent to help when I pass out the invitations.

So, no - not free childcare. A PARTY organised by someone else.

Ooops - dC not dH! I don't throw "those kind" of parties!!!

Presumably the child has been invited to the party as in it is their name on the invite not the parents. Therefore parent should not stay. It's like a wedding thread in reverse!!!!

I have three children so no longer stay at parties, I do always check this is okay when RSVPing though... I did a party for 40+ kids last year but although a lot of parents stayed they were not required to help as I had already roped friends in for that.

If I am inviting children to a party I am giving free childcare and have ensured that I have got enough help.

I can understand why I was very popular with ds' friends' parents when, for his 11th and 12th parties, I was comfortable with them staying for as long as they liked!

the fact that they were upstairs and we have nice solid walls helps

As a courtesy. All ok.. anything you need... sort of thing. The answer is usually yep fine, see you at .. whatever time. But like the OP I'd like to think if I was stuck someone may offer to help out and not be all indignant they'd miss their nice quiet lunch out.

The standard here seems to be drop and run from reception (5) onwards. I have occasionally been asked if I need help (which I thought was very sweet) but always said no as our house is too small to accommodate the extra parents and siblings.

The most I have had is 13 over excited six year olds in a small house. (Planned to do lots in the garden and then it just poured down all day). But we managed by putting a massive tent up in the garden and doing games and disco in there. It was hard work for me and dh (esp with 6 month old to bf while serving food and drink).

I don't have family nearby but would find it very hard to do it on my own/without dh. We have one person on entertainment/ herding duty and one on food/drink/toilet issues etc.

I wouldn't expect other parents to help as that's not generally the norm here. But on the other hand I probably wouldn't do a big group of any age without back up of some sort - paid or otherwise.

Maybe next time do a smaller group or if you can afford it, a venue where the staff give proper help. I agree that 11 year olds can be enlisted to help with serving food and drink. I've had 6 year olds doing bits (just helping themselves to juice cartons etc) and have nephews who are 11 who are v good waiters

But I think people are being a bit harsh to say oh I'm a teacher and I can handle massive groups or why couldn't you handle it. Teachers are obviously amazing at dealing with groups of kids but not everyone has had a lot of experience and some find it very tough.

Sorry you found it so stressful OP but think YABU to blame parents for dropping off.

scottishmummy just got to page 9 of thread and want to ask where ARE you? That everyone stays, knows everyone's number and address and where mini cabs are safe??? Are you in Hamish McBeth land?

I'm in rural NE scotland, and here too, it's drop and go from about p1 age5. And same for my friends in Edinburgh, Glasgow, London ....... I think your situation must be very very rare, as evidenced by this thread. Off to read rest now.

And I'm back to agree that here there are no class lists issued due to data protection either, and that's fine by me as there are def some mums I would NOT want to have my contact number!!! I give out my mobile number to whom I choose, not the school!
And for all parties we RSVP by text so by default the hosts have a contact number if there is a problem and need to get hold of anyone (never happened in our circle so far, cross fingers)

I can imagine what my 11 year old would have thought if I had stayed to a party he was invited to! I wouldn't even think to ask if he was ok to leave. I've dumped and ran since they were about 5, and that's what most people do here. Sometimes they ask for contact numbers, other times not.

YABU having a party for 15 11 year olds. Actually YABU holding a party at all. I hate parties, so I don't do them.

Unbelievable !

I opened the thread expecting it to be about Reception aged children and even then I think you should only invite the number you are able to look after safely.