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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be peed off at parents who drop their children's off at birthday parties...

330 replies

AnnaLiza · 10/11/2012 14:05

....instead of offering to help out!
It's not only about the child being able to cope without the parent. I do expect 11 year olds to be ok without the parents but how can it not occur to mums and dads that I may struggle to feed and look after a bunch of 15 kids when they sit down for food and cake?
I find it very rude that the parents just shoot off without even asking if I might need help. AIBU?

OP posts:
prettybird · 10/11/2012 17:14

Being shocked and confused is not being humphy - it's being shocked and confused at the idea of pass the parcel for 11 year olds - which is what the discussion had been about.

scottishmummy · 10/11/2012 17:14

hen I do a party have contact nos of all parents
if your kid was unaccompanied I'd call you, expect you return or I'd send kid to you
but no one I know is that ditzy

EndoplasmicReticulum · 10/11/2012 17:15

We drop-and-run from reception here. If you want parents to stay you may well end up with extra siblings as well.

I had a boy try the throwing food trick at boy's party (at my house). He only did it once. I have a great death-stare.

TigerFeet · 10/11/2012 17:16

Here's the thing OP... if my child were invited to your party I wouldn't have been able to stay and help as I would probably be trailing whichever child hadn't been invited.

HOWEVER

If you'd asked me beforehand, I'd have left my spare child with dh or some other unfortunate and stayed, and would have been glad to help.

But I couldn't have done it without prior notice. SOrry if you think that's rude.

Everlong · 10/11/2012 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BooyhooRemembering · 10/11/2012 17:17

how would you send a 5 year old to a parent? they could be anywhere. are you saying you'd leave your child's party, put my child in your car and traipse about town hoping to catch sight of me? what if there were 3 or 4 children who were dropped off? would you put them all in your car? how long would you spend looking?

scottishmummy · 10/11/2012 17:20

kid minicab to your address, not my problem after that

TheCrackFox · 10/11/2012 17:21

My 11yr old would be distinctly unimpressed if I stayed on to help.

Past the age of 5 it is dump and run around here so if you need help you need to organise it in advance.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 10/11/2012 17:22

As most people have said YABU - totally and utterly and without question.

Don't invite more children than you can cope with. If you need help in order to have a party you need to ask and make firm arrangements about helpers before hand.

If you want all the parents to stay and help you have to also be genuinely happy to have at least the same number of children again in siblings at the party. It is nobody else's job to make your child's party a sucess unless you ask them, and most people have more sense than to invite more children than they have made prior arrangements to supervise.

tiggytape · 10/11/2012 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippyMinton · 10/11/2012 17:26

YABU

Next time, do what I just did and invite the parents to join in the activity, if you want them to stay. DS1 and DS2 had a joint activity party that lasted all day recently. No way was I going to look after 13 9, 10 and 11yo by myself, so several of the mums came along and joined in and had more fun than the kids.

whois · 10/11/2012 17:27

scottishmummy

kid minicab to your address, not my problem after that

Wow. What a strange and horrible attitude. Unless you had specifically said in advance parents were to stay you're being a total U cow.

BooyhooRemembering · 10/11/2012 17:27

you would out a 5 year old in a mincab on their own? ant decent mincab driver wouldn't take them, and they certainly wouldn't drop them off at an address there was no adult at. you're an idiot.

scottishmummy · 10/11/2012 17:28

reception?as in primary1 we all stay
it's done thing.I know someone did a drop and go at another party hostess unimpressed
and no I'd not spring it on anyone,it's explicit and clear you stay

BooyhooRemembering · 10/11/2012 17:29

and why would you have my address? i have never given my address to any of the parent's at parties my dcs have been to.

TheDetective · 10/11/2012 17:30

I think you might find that the kid in question might not be accepted in a mini cab unaccompanied!

scottishmummy · 10/11/2012 17:30

no.idiotic is leaving your kid
I'd call you I'd let you know of course
but best not drop and go.better to stay if needed for own child.instead of treating others like your baby-sitters

TheDetective · 10/11/2012 17:32

Your parties sound like fun scottishmummy Hmm.

scottishmummy · 10/11/2012 17:32

we all have each other address,phone no.doesnt everyone?
given I've been to various houses yes I know where folk live

BooyhooRemembering · 10/11/2012 17:33

it's not idiotic to leave my child at a party he has been invited to. at 5 he was fully toilet trained and perfectly able to ask for the other parent to call me if he wanted to leave. and as you can see, the majority of other posters on this thread agree that aged 5 it is fine to drop and go.

scottishmummy · 10/11/2012 17:34

until this never known drop and go so widely done or entertained
no one I know does this
at all

difficultpickle · 10/11/2012 17:34

I assume the OP's child has never been to anyone else's party which is really sad to hear. I assume if he had then his mother would know the etiquette. Also sad that the OP doesn't k ow any if the other parents. Really strange to expect parents to hang around at an 11 yr old's party without bring specifically asked. When I host parties I usually do an activity which requires a set ratio of adults to children so I always ask in advance if some parents can stay to assist.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 10/11/2012 17:34

But sm you have chosen to have a load of dc over at your house. Past the age of 5 you are effectively babysitting those dc.

Children's parties are mostly completely hellish and in lots of cases if the parent specified staying then they wouldn't go. Not because of the dc mind but because I don't want my Saturday taken up with 2 hours of forced socialising with schoolgate mums ugh.

FellowshipOfFestiveFellows · 10/11/2012 17:34

scottish we meet again. I of course had phone numbers (home and mobile) of all the children in attendance. I always give mine out when my dd goes to a party. Its the responsibility of the party organiser to make sure they have enough people to help out. The same as when I had my dds party I had lots of adults present considering there was 20 kids.
I do not have a "playgrond clique" there are Mums I gel with and who gel with me and those who dont. There were friendship groups already formed when we joined the school, as my dd went to a nursery and toddler group on the other side of town before we moved. I have friend's outside of school, and a small group of Mums at the school whose aim in life isn't to stand around and claim their child is the best at everything- I hate those type of circles as its not about being mates its about besting everyone else via their kids.

prettybird tis OK scottish finds fault in everything I ever type, don't worry about it!

BooyhooRemembering · 10/11/2012 17:34

nope, i dont know all the addresses of my son's school friends, and even if i did, some of the children stay with another parent at the weekends.