To be peed off at parents who drop their children's off at birthday parties...

[AnnaLiza]

....instead of offering to help out!
It's not only about the child being able to cope without the parent. I do expect 11 year olds to be ok without the parents but how can it not occur to mums and dads that I may struggle to feed and look after a bunch of 15 kids when they sit down for food and cake?
I find it very rude that the parents just shoot off without even asking if I might need help. AIBU?

sounds like the system is different in Scotland, then.

What age do you think you might start dumping and running?

Saying that, scottish I am assuming you also don't leave your child all day at school then? You sit behind them in the classroom since we are all adhorrent to leave our dcs at parties --where there are more adults than there are in a classroom of 30 kids and the party is no longer than 2 hours and school is 8.45 to 3.15?--

given I have absolutely no idea who you are fellow why would I single you out?
our class we all have each other no, I thought twas done thing.clearly not

17 when they can drive themselves home and SM doesn't have to pay for a mincab to take them

When ds was in Primary 1 I definitely didn't want all the parents to stay. Many did especially those that had been told about the bubbly - but we had a children's entertainer who could control look after them. I also didn't assume that they would, as I knew that Silly Billy could control keep them entertained and I had my mum, SIL and dh to help get the food through when required.

We were fortunate though that there never seemed to be a tradition of "whole class" invites, so I think the most we ever had was about 15 4, 5 or 6 year olds. Maybe 18 one year (including cousins and neighbours) - but I think that was the limit that Silly Billy gave us.

Itchyandscratchy Sat 10-Nov-12 16:57:47
"15 x 11 year old boys behaving nicely en masse with very little adult supervision?

Have you read Lord of the Flies? "

Myesss, but I have also sent my children to school (which means 30 in a class supervised by one adult at that age), I worked as a supply teacher from age 19 and I am aware that sports coaches and drama coaches have to make do with child-adult ratios which are certainly no higher than that of the OPs party.

Even in Golding's book, Lord of the Flies behaviour doesn't actually kick in until several weeks of unsupervised squalor.

Most of the 11yos I know travel to school on their own. This means large number of children on local buses with no adult supervision whatsoever beyond that provided by the driver. I suppose the reason their behaviour doesn't go beyond noisy is because they know the driver will stop the bus and turf them off and report them to their school if vandalism occurs.

at the idea of parents helping at a party for 11 year olds. However I would expect anyone who invited my child to be responsible for him while he was at the party and that means having sufficient adult supervision.

I too shudder at the memory of helping at cubs.

I would rather eat my own feet than let half the mums have my phone number. My number is for friends and family not for people I vaguely know.

The OP was talking about 11 year olds not 5 year olds, but we've done drop and go from age 4, everyone does where we live (rural Germany) - you follow local convention though, and if your child has ever been to other kids parties you know what it is, if you don't know you either ask or state on the invite.

I prefer NOT to have random parents stay - at 4 year olds parties I can be silly entertaining the kids but feel a right fool with other parents watching :o We've done parties at home and at venues - when I felt I needed help (DD's 4th party when all her friends were German but I didn't feel confident enough in my German to keep 12 4-6 year olds under control) I paid the much older sister of one of her friends to help. Other than that I have never felt unable to cope with the kids I had invited and would be shocked to discover another mum had arranged a party she couldn't cope with. If I were asked at the last minute to stay at an 11 year old's party I would but would be very likely to have my other kids with me too, so they'd have to be welcome - if it was a weekend and I was asked in advance I would stay and leave my other kids with my husband, if it was a week day afternoon I'd be unlikely to be able to help without my toddler in tow. I would assume if all parents were invited then they were going to be catered for too in some way, not just expected to help.

Parents won't expect to stay at a party for over sixes usually. I think YABU.

seems to be something you all do
most certainly not here,not primary 1
you'd be talk o the steamie if you did

The system is most definitely not different in Scotland. No-one i know would dream of staying at a party for 11-year-olds; it would be an embarassment for the kid and a pain in the arse for the host to have to entertain additional parents! I'd say from the age of around 5 or 6, it's drop and go unless specifically arranged in advance.

and you wouldn't be talk o the steamie (whatever that is) for sending a 5 year old home to an empty house in a minicab? strange place you live.

you'd be called you'd have adequate time to return

All of the other parties that ds has been to have also assumed a "dump and run" approach from P1 onwards. So such an approach is not unusual in Scotland.

I've occasionally stayed on or gone back early if I've known the mum concerned but never felt under any obligation to do so.

My days of staring at a luke warm diluted juice in a plastic cup surrounded by the grimness of a local community centre/play barn/scout hut waiting for the candles of a Ben Ten cake to be blown out are long gone. Thank fuck.

how would you know? i could be an hour's drive away.

YABU. It would never occur to me to offer to help unless I was asked or it was a particular parent I was friends with. Just invite the number of children you can cope with. Or ask a friend to help.

Thecrackfox

No-one at the steamie ever talked about me for leaving my 5-year-olds at Scottish parties . One or two parents would stay if they knew their children were anxious, or they might offer to help, otherwise we'd be off enjoying our feedom!

In any case Scottishmummy, surely you realise there is a big difference between 5 year olds and 11 year olds? if not you're in for a shock

lol,why do you need to strikeout the bleedin obvious
11yo different from 5yo?
who'd have thunk it.....next

Because you keep going on about irresponsible parents leaving their children, when we're all talking about 11 year olds and you're talking about 5 year olds?