Age Gap Relationships

[littlemissbehave]

I'm in an age gap relationship and things like this really annoy me

www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/celebrity-age-gap-parents/

Am i over reacting? Any other age gappers out there?

[Pixel]

Oh and congratulations Mickey . Try scrubbing the carpet on your hands and knees to get things going - worked for me! I was desperate to avoid being induced and remembered that crawling about on the floor building a flat-pack wardrobe had started off my first labour lol.

[gettingeasier]

Sorry I disagree I dont think society has changed much on that score at all which on a different note is why its ok for young lovely Tess Daly to be paired up with an ancient Bruce Forsyth and nobody thinks its odd whereas can you imagine the other way round ?

Expect thats not relevant friday night tippling

[B1ueberryFields]

I agree with that gettingeasier. men on tv are allowed to grow older, and are respected for their wisdom, experience etc... women just have to look nice. If they're fired and then complained they're bitter and jealous of younger colleagues.

Those of you wilth much older partners seem obsessed wtih my daughter. Just cos I don't want this for her doesn't make me a tit or a bastard or immature. It just makes me a mother. If you are so offensive to me personally when my comments are only general then you kinda lose the moral highground you believe you occupy.

[Calabria]

I've never had a relationship with someone my own age. First proper boyfriend was 6 years older. My ex was 14 years older and we lasted 18 years (unmarried).

My husband is 11 years younger and we've been married 10 years.

[TeaDr1nker]

My ex was the same age as me, he went on to marry a woman 6 years younger than him. My parents introduced me to DP, he is 17 yrs older than me, we are happy, he looks after me in ways my ex never did. Treats me well etc etc.

In some communities men took a bride after they had made their way ie financially stable, and that still happens today. I don't see the problem.

I do think about the fact that potentially I may not have DP around for ages and ages and that the kids may only be 30 ish when their dad dies but he is such a gr8 dad.

I read here (so a bit skewed I am sure) in MN about men who go to the pub/computer games each night etc and think at least DP doesn't, he is only interested in us, doesn't pub/club it those days are long gone.

[TeaDr1nker]

Sorry meant to add I do get upset about the fact DP may die when the kids are in their 30s, but he is a gr8 dad

[RosemaryHoyt]

I have had loving feelings towards a man 14 years my senior for years. We have not gotten together, not on account of age, he is seriously immature, but because he isn't ready for a commitment. I am neither unattractive, unintelligent or selling myself short. I just fell in love with someone who couldn't return it.

[SirBoobAlot]

BFields, so suggesting that we are ugly, dim and insecure is not offensive?

[gomummygone]

Welllllll I've tried oh so hard not to come back to this thread, but...

"now, in all seriousness, i really don't think my daughter will come home with somebody twenty years older than her. She's beautiful, clever, confident.... I don't see why she would settle for somebody as old as her father. Who knows, but I can't see it!"

Demonstrating the utmost in modesty I can undoubtedly say that my family would also consider me beautiful, clever and confident. I am certainly secure and probably a little too self-confident.

I met my current DH when we both held the same competitive, lucrative, "high-flying" position - having been the only woman ever and the only person under 40 to have ever occuped that position. He is exactly twenty years older than me, and two months younger than my father.

Both of our families are entirely supportive, as we are obviously well suited to each other and ridiculously happy, more than a decade into our relationship. People who know us would say that we are on a "level playing field" with each other, and although we are both alpha-type personalities, we have a totally equal partnership.

Everyone is of course entitled to their opinion, but I can assure you that I am most definitely not settling for anything. I know settling, that's exactly what I was doing with my XH. My now DH is the man of my dreams, in fact he is beyond my dreams. And I truly believe (for whatever reason we are discussing your daughter) that in the event that your daughter was loved and respected by someone that she also loved and respected - that you would be happy for her, regardless of what year that person happened to be born.

Age IS nothing more than a number.

[kakapo]

While there is nothing wrong with bigger age gaps when both partners are happy, I think it is strange to ignore the problems that could arise. For example, the younger partner could end up looking after young DC, their own aged parents and an aged DH. That sort of scenario is usually why family members and friends are concerned about 20+ year age gaps.

Unfortunately, at the extremes of the scale, age is not just a number.

[JustFabulous]

I think the vows "in sickness and in health" cover that.

[kakapo]

well exactly JustFabulous. They do cover it, which means there is a higher than usual chance the younger one will spend 20+ years of their life caring for elderly DP. Yes, most people would do this for their DP. But, everything else equal, it is not something they would choose, is it?

[B1ueberryFields]

I agree Kakapo.

And I think if I'm being attacked disproportionately to what I' ve actually said (which is that this is not something i'd want for my own children), it's because there still is a bit of judgement out there about age gap relationships in society and posters can rail against the way things are by cross examining me and calling me names. Here, I am 'society' and now's your chance to give society a piece of your mind. I get that.

But the facts are, a lot of people aren't totally comfortable with this and I'm not the only mn-er who would be devastated if their 21 year old dd came back engaged to a 50 year old. It's just not an appropriate reaction to berate me and insult me because I will say that. If you did a poll of mn-ers who'd be cool with that, let me know the results though!

I think the reason that so many people feel a kind of awkwardness around age gap relationships is something to do with incest. A natural built in hesitancy and awkwardness towards age gap relationships would have been one way to reduce incest. Similar to how you don't fancy your own sibling.

[B1ueberryFields]

ps, wrt to the 'settling' comments, yes I'm afraid I haven't changed my mind on that one! you might be beautiful and clever and outwardly confident but I wonder if your basic self-worth was higher would you have settled for a man 20+ years older than you. I think that's a low self esteem course of action.

[SirBoobAlot]

That's because your wording was amazingly insensitive and offensive, a fact you seem oblivious to.

And WTF are you on about with your incest comment? That makes no sense. At all.

If we're going to tackle "in sickness and in death", better never get married then, regardless of age gaps. Because people die all the time. I could go out today and get knocked over by a car.

And I would rather end up loosing DP because of old age having spent a happy life time together than not having any of that happiness because he might die before me.

[SirBoobAlot]

Okay, I've changed my mind. I hope your daughter turns up at her 21st with a 60 year old.

Tit.

[B1ueberryFields]

That sounds like a curse.

Witch

[B1ueberryFields]

Interesting though, after 5 pages of defending age gap relationships, now you're wishing that fate upon my daughter like a curse!

Have you switched camps?

[SirBoobAlot]

Oh not in the slightest. It would just piss you off horrendously, and be deliciously ironic.

[B1ueberryFields]

RIght. Meanwhile I'll be over here not giving a toss who your children bring home.

It wouldn't 'piss' me off. It would devastate me. It wouldn't be 'a delicious irony'. It would be a tragedy.

Grow up. Just because you've chosen something doesn't mean you can force the rest of the world to consider it totally normal. Most people would be devasted if their child became engaged to somebody twice their age. You can carry on being snide to me for another five pages, but it won't change anything.

[MickeyTheShortOne]

I think I can safely say I haven't "settled" for anything, and it has nothing to do with my self-esteem. I've had boyfriends my own age, and it hasn't worked out. I love my DP more than I can say, and I truly believe that we will be happy for a long time.

It did make me laugh when I went to buy a birthday card for his 16yo niece, and condoms for a naughty night in with DP. I was three years older than her at the time, ha ha ha!

[SirBoobAlot]

It would devastate you? Be a tragedy? And you think I need to grow up?

If my son came home with a woman - or a man - twenty years younger or older than him, and they were both happy, then I would be happy.

Most people would want their children to be happy, and children don't generally do that by conforming to what we want for them. You need a reality check. In the long run, really, age is simply a number, and the quality of a relationship cannot be worked out by maths.

No, I can't force you to consider it normal. I can tell you that you have been incredibly rude and are exerting huge expectations on your daughter. I sincerely hope for her sake this is the only ridiculous "rule" you try and enforce on her relationships.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

B1ueberry

It was I who mentioned miserable bastards trying to shit all over my happiness. I wasn't talking about you,be a love and try not to be so incredibly conceited.

I enjoyed reading that I must be ugly and dim to have "settled" for an older man.

Who knew such thick and ugly people could do law degrees and be complimented on their looks. Who knew.

Thank you so much for telling me how it really is though.

[sleeplessinsuburbia]

I am ridiculously happy with my much younger DH and so is he. I like seeing celebrities with big age gaps.

[SirBoobAlot]

Alisvolatpropiis