Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Age Gap Relationships

144 replies

littlemissbehave · 08/11/2012 14:08

I'm in an age gap relationship and things like this really annoy me

www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/celebrity-age-gap-parents/

Am i over reacting? Any other age gappers out there?

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 08/11/2012 20:34

"Agree with Who is.

16 and 32 sounds BAD

32 and 48 sounds not so bad "

Property, these are the exact ages dh and I were when we met, and the ages we are now! Grin

I turned 17 the next day though.

DeathMetalMum · 08/11/2012 20:36

There is 12 years difference between me and Dp. At the beginning when I was only 17 it did matter a little we nearly didn't get together because of the gap. Now 5 1/2 years on we don't even notice.
We were asked for Id when buying champagne last week to celebrate expecting dc2, he has youthfull looks still so most people wouldn't even realise.

hattymattie · 08/11/2012 20:41

I have friends - she is 46, he is 70. They've been together since she was 19 and have 3 children the youngest of which is 6. They're great friends and he is much more easy going than most of the husbands my age.

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/11/2012 20:44

My friend is 35, and her 74 year old fiance has just moved in with her, Caused a few raised eyebrows in our village for sure Grin

They are well suited though!

SirBoobAlot · 08/11/2012 20:49

DP younger than my parents but only by a few years. They get on fine, though think my mum dislikes him slightly purely because he looks a good ten years younger than he is Grin

Smokedsalmonbagel · 08/11/2012 21:26

There are 13 years between me and DH.

I don't notice it. He has got much more energy than me and is a lot more fun than some of my friends young husbands!

B1ueberryFields · 08/11/2012 21:46

BonkeyMollocks, I hope my daughter brings home a man who treats her well and loves her, but if he's MY age, then that would spoil it. I'd be upset for her.

WakeyCakey · 08/11/2012 22:15

19 years Grin
we had a lot of fun when I turned 19 and was exactly half his age. 4 years down the line and loving it.
We don't notice the gap but we have fun with it.

He is the nicest man I have ever been with and the only one I have met that I've wanted to be with for as long as I can.

People only care about age if they've never been in the situation.
I highly recommend it Smile

BonkeyMollocks · 08/11/2012 22:23

Why?

Seems you need to pull your judgey pants down a tad!

Wallison · 08/11/2012 22:46

Hrm I've had lots of boyfriends who have been older than me and at the time I thought it was ok but since I have reached a grand old age myself I do wonder what the hell they were getting out of it, other than having a young girl on their arm (or in their bed, more to the point). It's great if you get to the stage where you're in a loving committed relationship and everything's fine and dandy but if you're just dating/shagging then it can be a little Hmm.

WordOfTheDay · 08/11/2012 22:56

25 years difference, 17 years together, 43-67

OTS · 08/11/2012 23:06

DH is 15 years older than me. We dont have an issue with it, and it doesn't bother us if other people do :) . We've been together almost 7 years.

KitchenandJumble · 08/11/2012 23:30

My DH is nearly 11 years older than me. We've been together for 15 years. The age difference means nothing at all. Well, I must admit I enjoy being younger. When I moan about getting older, my DH always says, "But you're so young!" Love that.

My grandfather was 10 years older than my grandmother. They married when she was only 16. That would probably cause a few raised eyebrows today, but was considered perfectly normal then. She was also escaping an abusive family life in the only way she thought possible. It was a very happy marriage. They adored each other.

SirBoobAlot · 08/11/2012 23:41

Wallison, I'm disabled, so certainly not "eye candy", and have gyne problems so other than a handful of times sex has been off the radar for several months now. He regularly has to take care of me when I'm not very well. Poor bloke doesn't even get the high five from his mates for having a younger partner Grin

I really don't understand the raised eyebrows to age gaps, I never have. That said, I also can't stand men my own age.

It is lovely to hear of so many successful long term "older" gap relationships going strong, that seems to be one of peoples favourite lines... "Well that's all good now, but what about when he's 50 / 60 / 70, and you're still young?".

Alisvolatpropiis · 08/11/2012 23:45

I'm in an age gap relationship. It's really nice to see people with similar age gaps on here who have been together a long time.

As opposed to judgemental bastards people who either consciously or subconsciously do and say anything possible to undermine my happiness. .

Artemis206 · 08/11/2012 23:52

10 years here too. Been together since I was 18 & he was 28. 21 years later, still happy together.

Wallison · 09/11/2012 00:09

I'm sure all of you lot have healthy relationships and it's lovely to hear about it. But, speaking as someone who probably shouldn't have got involved with as many older men as she did, I can understand that some people will raise their eyebrows about it and indeed with the benefit of hindsight I am raising my eyebrows not only at myself but also at my so-called "boy"friends.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/11/2012 00:14

Wallison I can see where you're coming from. And in some ways agree.
Sometimes age gap relationships just aren't right, often because the bloke is a commitment phobic shagger with various other additional problems.

And even though I am in an age gap relationship I do think it all gets a bit odd when the bloke has children of the same age,younger but near to it or older than his girlfriend. But that's me personally.

Wallison · 09/11/2012 00:24

Yes, it's me personally as well and actually my scepticism comes not only from my own experiences but my friends as well. Of course, if you love, respect and support one another it doesn't matter what age you are. But some men do go for younger women because they can't deal with a woman who can stand her own ground and is her own person; some of them can't even deal with women who have a sexual history. So I can see where parents are coming from when they don't want their daughters to get involved with a man who might be inclined to think like that.

Pixel · 09/11/2012 00:29

Dh has grandchildren the same ages as our children. Smile

Obviously it would be better if there were a smaller age gap (13 years) but there is nothing we can do about that, I married him because I love him, not because of how old he was. I wasn't looking for an 'older man' and I was as surprised as anyone Grin.
Sure people will say "what about when he is old and you are still quite young?" but then who's to say I will be the one left behind? There are no guarantees. I could be run over. Young men die too. 'perfect' young couples get divorced after a few years. Age has nothing to do with how long a relationship can last.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/11/2012 00:30

Absolutely. My parents were not happy when I told them. But once they chilled out a bit they all remembered I actually have a strong personality and am not inclined to allow someone to boss me around. OH has said of all his girlfriends,of whom I am the youngest by far, I am also the one who takes the least shit from him.

But some bloke do seek out young women for unpleasant reasons.

It is nice to see all the posters in their nice normal relationships that happen to have an age gap. Because if I hear the "well,when you're ONLY 40 he will be X..." comment one more time,I may actually murder someone.

B1ueberryFields · 09/11/2012 13:21

BonkeyMollocks, it's not judgeypants. It'd be concern. I'd want more for her. I'd want her to have an equal relationship, both in terms of the power dynamic for want of a better word, and somebody who was roughly her own age. I don't think that people typing that I'm a bastard judgeypants is very mature or pleasant. There are all sorts of reasons why going out with somebody old enough to be your father will cause hurt and confusion, both to your own parents and to the (possibly) adult children of an older man.

And you can write me off as a bastard Hmm but I bet if your SONS came home at 25 with a woman of nearly fifty you'd all 'get' it then.

HeadfirstForHalos · 09/11/2012 16:19

If one of my ds's had a 50 year old partner who treated them well I'd be happy for them B1ueberry.

My dad was a little unsure when I first started seeing my now dh, but when he realised we were in an equal relationship he chilled out about it.

With your last two sentences are you trying to say that if your partner is the same age as your mother or father, or your children there is something incestuous about it? Apologies if I've read that wrong That isn't the case in a healthy happy relationship, be there an age gap or not.

janey1234 · 09/11/2012 16:29

First of all, I want to stress I'm not calling you a bastard B1ueberry and never would. However I am intrigued by your comments.

I am 38. My DP is 29. Do you think his mum has or should have an issue with that? Do you think it matters? Is it worse this way round, than if he was 9 years older than me?

Personally I don't think it matters, and as far as he or I can tell, his Mum doesn't have a concern. We get on exceptionally well. He's incredibly kind, funny and mature. Tbh I've always been slightly immature, and am often told I look much younger than my years, and when people meet us they don't even realise there's an age gap, let alone a 9 year gap. He has benefitted from me being older and therefore more established, as I bought a house in London in my very early 20's, when he was still at school (no, I didn't know him then) so now we own a nice property between us with considerable equity. There are benefits for us as a couple in the age gap! Plus given women tend to live, on average, longer than men, we both hope the age gap will give us longer together.

I genuinely don't see any difference between us having a 9 year age gap and a 19 year age gap: we're two people in a mature relationship, not numbers on a piece of paper.

How and why does it matter? Surely if we're happy it's no-one else's concern? FWIW my parents love him and often say they've never seen me so happy, or better suited with anyone.

TheReturnOfBridezilla · 09/11/2012 16:33

There is almost twenty years between dh's brother and his girlfriend. She is early twenties and he is about to turn forty (although has never grown up Grin)

Not a good gap at all although when they are older (and have hopefully both matured a lot bit) it probably won't seem so bad.

My ex boyfriend was seven years older than me and even that seemed a lot aged 19. Big difference in two people of those kind of ages.