Granny took toddler to the cemetery

[MrsMoosickle]

Eeek! I might perhaps be a tad unreasonable but I'm not best pleased.

3 year old DD has been at the local cemetery with Granny and has come home with tales of little babies in heaven and teddies on trees and wind chimes they can hear from heaven.

DH thinks that's ok, I feel a bit sad that she's even thought about it at such a tiny age.

Missymoo, so very sorry, sure op didn't meant to be offensive. Want to say hope you are ok but obviously that's stupid do just hugs. Xx

We buried our daughter last week. Her sisters are 5 and 7, so if they want to leave her a present, it will be at the grave yard. I find it really sad that you would think a cemetery is a 'weird' place to be. For the families affected, that's the final resting place of their loved ones.

Missymoomoomee, ahhhhhhh, I'm so sorry for your loss, I did consider your point before I posted. Apologies if I upset you.

i'd be pretty pissed off about her telling my child that people go to heaven as if it's fact (did she?) but then maybe you believe it too so would have told her the same?

I'm also sorry for missy's and whiteandyelloworchid's loss

But please be fair to the OP

I don't think she's being insensitive...this is something that is affecting her and in her opinion possibly her child.

If she had posted this in bereavement then that would be insensitive but not in this topic imo.

I am an atheist and it doesn't bother me in the slightest if people want to talk to my daughter about heaven. I just tell her that different people believe in different things and it would be lovely if it were true, it's just not something I believe in. She will make up her own mind when she is ready. I just don't understand this attitude of shielding children or not telling them things about the obvious events of life and death that they will inevitably encounter. Better they hear about these things first from the people who love them rather than in any other less sympathetic environment.

X posted with cupofteaplease

So sorry for your loss too

Cup xx

DD1 drew a picture of DH, me, DD2 and their favourite aunt, all together and happy, to leave at his grave yesterday. So special. And not at all scary.

YABU. A cemetery should hold no fear for a child - I wish I didn't have to take my children but I do and they love seeing the special places and the special things that people bring. I don't think your mum has done anything wrong.

so sorry for all of you here who have buried children and had to cope with their DC's grief.

Thanks Worra. Apologies again to anyone upset. It was a question posed from a place of good intent and genuine concern

I think its a nice thing to do. I used to love the graveyard when I was a child. I still do like it really. A peaceful place to be to wander around chatting quietly and pay respect to the people there. My 5 year old dd likes it too. Its about learning about one of the facts of life too. Children understand this.

My grandfather was a gravedigger & he regularly took me to cemeteries when I was pre-school. Death is a part of life. I understood from an early age that people die. It's what happens.

Links arms with missy, whiteandyellow and cupsoftea.

My 3-year-old and 6-year-old had picnics at the cemetary. Because this is where their sister is. Her loss is a part of our lives.

YABU.

I agree with Worra. I don't think the OP meant any harm at all. And I think it's good to discuss these things.

I used to find graveyards creepy, now I find them (well, one in particular) to be both incredibly comforting and totally heart breaking at the same time.

I agree with others, cemeteries are peaceful places.

i used to live beside a graveyard. we walked past it everyday to school, it had great views from the top and was a really nice place to just sit and be. i have a lot of family buried in there too so it was nice that they were so close.

Death is part of life. Not something separate or scary to be ignored, hidden and run away from.

YABU.

thing is op, i can see you ment no, harm, but its so hurtful when say i think of everything my dd has gone through and is still going through at her tender age, and then to hear someone say something like that, just makes you feel even worse that your child has suffered such a big brevement, that affects the parents for the rest of there life, and conequently affects the children for the rest of their lives too
but i can see you probably posted before thinkng it through

and I'm very sorry for your losses :(

Thank you everyone for your sympathies.

I'm sure op didn't mean to be insensitive but I do think she should have given a thought to the people who don't get to gently ease their dc into knowing about people dying.

To complain because your child knows that babies sometimes die while other families are having to live throught the hell and the reality of it is very thoughtless.

My nan used to take my sister and I to the cemetery to visit Grandad's grave and we weren't scarred for life. In fact we used to enjoy it as we would walk through the garden of remembrance on the way back and look for tadpoles in the pond. We loved running across the little japanese bridge.
Now when we go there to visit both Nan and Grandad it is comforting that we have nice memories of being there with her, as though she belongs there. The plot overlooks a view of the sea and I still think it is a beautiful place.
The only difference I guess is that when I was small you didn't get all the teddies and toys on the graves so I was shielded from that and it never crossed my mind there might be children there. The only time that visiting the graves (my uncle is there too a bit further down) has really upset me has been as an adult when a new grave appeared in the next row from Nan and Grandad and it was two little local girls who were murdered. They have their photographs and lots of toys etc on there. Very sad .

Not exactly sure if that means I'm saying yabu or not! On the one hand I know cemeteries needn't be scary to children (I'm proof!) but on the other hand I might have felt differently as a child if I'd seen teddies etc (which would have made me ask more questions) and been forced to realise that children can die too before I was able to handle it iyswim.

I don't think the OP meant any harm; she is dealing with this cemetery visit from a purely practical level. Not with the emotional investment all of you understandably have. Much love to you. xx

So sorry to everyone her who had suffered losses of a child or partner.

Some deaths are 'normal' and 'peaceful' like my aunty who died on sat in her sleep at 89. Fantastic life and good innings and end.

Others much too early and so much sadness.

My dd struggling with sudden violent loss of her teacher,in a crash, all the children were injured but He died. She saw it happen. she's 12.

I wonder if we can ever prepare ourselves, let alone our children for such events?

My grandad died when I was 2, my grandma when I was 3, so my mum lost both her parents in less than a year. I didnt go to the funerals, but I was taken regularly to the grave afterwards as my mum tended it. I helped to change the flowers and weed the plot. I was shown the gravestones for family members who had died long before I was born.

It didnt spook me at all, and probably helped me to understand death from a childs perspective.

I have always found church graveyards and cemetaries to be peaceful places where I can go to wander when I want a quiet moment and I dont think your mum meant or will have caused any distress to your daughter Op.

I feel terrible at causing this reaction and upset, I was meaning practically as opposed to thinking through the examples some of you have shared. Shall I get this deleted?