Gah! To not enjoy spending time with my 3 1/2 year old

ditziness · 2012-11-05T08:41:52+00:00

Aaa agh. All he does is wriggle, shouting, spill things, run off, fall over, break things, make a mess, scream, bite me, ask for biscuits and Charlie and Lola. He's horrible to hang out with. Aaaaagh. Give me strength!

Tailtwister · 05/11/2012 08:44

Oh yes, I can relate to all of those things! I sometimes want to hit the pause button, as at times if feels my head might explode. It isn't a pleasant experience sometimes.

Take him to the park/beach and run him ragged. It's the only way. Then when he's absolutely knackered you might get 5 minutes peace (I hope!).

Original poster

ditziness · 05/11/2012 09:55

If only! That'd only walk if he had any inclination to do as he should. What will happen is he'll refuse to walk all the way there, sit down and scream x 20, refuse to stand on buggy board, hit his baby sister for being in the buggy and generally be as difficult as possible until I finally give up and carry all three stone of him. Then we'll get to the park and if I'm feeding his sister he'll run as far away as possible and refuse to come back, so I have to chase him with one boob flopping out. Or just demand I push him on the swing for 30 mins, screaming the place down if I suggest he goes on slide or anything that doesn't require my help. Finally I give up and carry him home for lunch, where he'll throw it on the floor and spend the entire time running around the kitchen. Aaagh

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InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream · 05/11/2012 09:59

My done will be 3 this month. He is currently sat on my legs eating dry cereal and watching toy story on the laptop. I can't feel my legs any more.

I took him out to shopping centre a few days ago and he was holding my hand and walking nice. Suddenly he starts shouting "ouch mum, hurt me mum" and screaming! I had elderly women tutting and asking if he's ok.

He started laughing then! I took him straight home.

Narked · 05/11/2012 10:23

Do you use his free nursery hours?

Original poster

ditziness · 05/11/2012 10:41

Yes, and miss him loads when he's not here, love him to pieces. Just wish he was nicer to be around on a minute to minute basis. Too tired for usual creative zen parenting stuff, baby not sleeping. Just wish he was nicer

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RubyFakeNails · 05/11/2012 10:48

You need to exhaust him, if he won't go to the park, do it at home.

Do you have a garden?

I always think, and I know this isn't a popular view, that young boys are like dogs and need regular exercise.

I used to make DS run around the house screaming, under the guise he was a cowboy/lion/t-rex/knight whatever, I would feebly chase him to encourage this. It was noisy and quite annoying but really served the same purpose as the park.

They can be super whingy at that age. Have you asked him what he wants to do?

Original poster

ditziness · 05/11/2012 12:43

I know! I try to exhaust him! We've been to park today, to the river, collected sticks, done painting, hoovering etc etc. But he's still a contrary little shit who goes out of his way to do the oposite of what he knows is what i want. Cripes I just wanted some empathy, not a shower of perfect parents to tell me how to suck eggs. Sorry for the grumpiness, but I was up every hour every night with the baby, twice with the three year old and then they were both up for the day at 6. Had enough.

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Original poster

ditziness · 05/11/2012 12:45

And yes I ask him what he wants to do. And noslly he wants to eat biscuits or watch Charlie and Lola. Or he'll say he wants to go to the park, and whine all the way. Or wants to do play dough, and then spends the whole time mashing it into the carpet. He never seems to want to be nice. He only wants to be "naughty"

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mmmerangue · 05/11/2012 12:46

Sounds like you need one.

Original poster

ditziness · 05/11/2012 12:48

Good idea! Thank you mmmmerrange, much appreciated.

Does it get any better? Is three a particularly shitty age? Any perspective?

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FireOverBabylon · 05/11/2012 12:55

sorry another one sucking eggs here, but praise what few good bits there are - he can't be a "contrary little shit" absolutely all the time. If he sits nicely to watch TV, praise him for it, if he says please, praise him for it, he gets attention for being a little sod. Start giving him attention for the non-sod stuff he does.

I can sympathise - my DS is 3.3 and I spent much of yesterday taking deep breaths to stop me exploding at him dropping clothes down the toilet (the flush is broken until our plumber comes this evening so the water's not as clean as usual because we're flushing with a bucket) and throwing toys at me / behind the sofa so we can't play together.

If he runs off in the park, just ignore him so long as he's safe. Just get drinks and snacks out and put them on the bench next to you and watch him come trotting back as you dig in without him. Don't comment, just offer him a drink when he sits down.

Skillbo · 05/11/2012 12:56

Oh ditziness, I feel your pain - I truly do... my DD is there right at the moment (took us 40 minutes to walk back from the library, a trip that normally takes 10 minutes top, complete with screaming, demands of 'cuddle me' - boy, I looked like a hard, horrible woman as I ignored her - phantom wees, you name it - we had it!!)

I live in hope it is a phase but I truly get it... we have quite a new DS too who doesn't sleep and DD, who did sleep, now doesn't - sleep deprivation is evil and really doesn't provide you with the energy needed to lug them around and constantly create a fun place for them...

I hope your day improves - I have at least escaped to work as DH stays home with them - but I know come 4 o'clock, it will be full on again!

It's just a phase, it's just a phase.... please!!!!

Original poster

ditziness · 05/11/2012 13:23

i try the praise the good thing, and it usually seems to make him realise that he's being "good" and stop it. For instance i'll say, "it's so lovely to see you eating your dinner so nicely, you must be enjoying that". He'll look at me and throw his dinner on the floor and run off.

Thanks for the empathy skillbo. yes the 10 minute walk taking 40 thing I totally get. I end up just taking the double buggy and strapping him in. But then that defies the point of trying to wear him out. Gah

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KellyElly · 05/11/2012 14:13

i try the praise the good thing, and it usually seems to make him realise that he's being "good" and stop it. For instance i'll say, "it's so lovely to see you eating your dinner so nicely, you must be enjoying that". He'll look at me and throw his dinner on the floor and run off. Ha ha, he's get on well with my DD age 3. I have resorted to bribery and threats mostly.

badbride · 05/11/2012 14:16

A lighthearted suggestion for how the OP could tire her toddler out from the comfort of her armchair: godoggoinc.com/

Worked on my bossy, demanding little terrier at any rate. I probably shouldn't be allowed to look after children with my attitude, though

redbunnyfruitcake · 05/11/2012 14:23

Just a thought, is he already overtired? My DD is just over 3 and still needs a midday nap otherwise she is a terror. She goes more mental the more tired she is so I have a set nap routine with her and she responds to that. Saying that I ony have her so I don't know how you would manage that with the 2 of them.

MsVestibule · 05/11/2012 14:29

Ditzi definitely feel for you! My two young DCs have never been that naughty all the time, but God, the whining. How I managed to refrain from screaming "Will you two just STFU and stop whinging for TWO MINUTES!" I do not know.

As long as you're sure he doesn't have any behavioural problems (bet he's an angel at nursery, isn't he?) then yes, things will get better. Hang in there and remember that millions of parents have gone through it and come out of the other side. DC1(5) was a horror from the age of 12 months to three YO but she really is an absolute delight now.

Loie159 · 05/11/2012 14:30

poor you! I feel your pain on this. DS is not yet 5 and DD is 3.5 and tbh my head feels like it is going to explode most of the time when i am with both of them. Of course I love them dearly, but DD who is 3.5 is possibly the most defiant, stubborn child I have ever met. Her default answer is always "No". Just come back on train after being at GP house for half term and half way through 5hour journey I hnestly thought I would cry. I feel for you...... tbh 5 year old is good but he was a terror at her age as well! Im hoping she grows out of it very soon, as she has been this way now for at least 8 months and its driving me MAD!

CoffeeDog · 05/11/2012 16:07

I know how you feel my boys are 1 month off their 4th birthday and can be a complete pain most of the time - they are worse when their big sister (6) id around.

They hit /scream/ kick / punch/ lick / scream / shout ... but they also do give fantastic snuggles when they are not jumping on you or attempting to head butt your knees.

I took all 3 of mine to my dads indoor bowls club on sunday for lunch... I was pertrified (you have to be very quiet in thease places) All 3 were little angels very polite and ate all off their dinner and my dad even had a few calls to say what a credit they are to him ;) of course this means they can NEVER go there again....

thebody · 05/11/2012 16:14

Ah op!!! I was just texting my older lads now at uni... Your post took me back to those days of bone aching tiredness and the general need to apologise for their behaviour at most soft plays and parks in the area.

The shame of parenting the children who are running riot at nursery and parties while others are sitting nicely.

Noisy, naughty, cheeky little buggers.

Wish those days were back though.

Only4theOlympics · 05/11/2012 16:27

I sympathise. Dd can be quite the madam. But has this gotten worse since the new baby as it sounds like attention seeking behavior. Dd is a nightmare around babies, the trouble lasts for days she sobs, she pretends to be a baby. She clings, wants carrying, pulls hair etc. Though she is a dream when centre of attention (oh god I am never going to be able to have another am i)

BaronessBomburst · 05/11/2012 16:34

Oh dear. He sounds just like my DS who is 2¾. I was rather hoping that they grew out of it.

iknowwho · 05/11/2012 16:36

hmmm I know what you mean. I avoided mine from the age of about 2 until nearly 4!

Viperidae · 05/11/2012 16:39

Look on the bright side - my DS has grown out of it and I remember him being absolutely delightful every minute of every day when I look back. Having said that, he is 24 and it is quite a distance to look back!

MummyPig24 · 05/11/2012 16:47

Aaah the tiresome threes! Ds didn't really have terrie twos but he definitely had the threes! As he was being a total shit, dd turned 1 and thought she would join in with early terrible twos! I really sympathise. Ds has just turned 5 and is mostly lovely but still needs a lot of outside exercise or he gets crazy. And there's the testosterone surge at 4 that turned him in to the incredible hulk!

I have a great book called Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green. It's lighthearted and really made me understand why toddlers do what they do. A very worthwhile read, I remember snippets when my 2 are being terrors!