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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gah! To not enjoy spending time with my 3 1/2 year old

61 replies

ditziness · 05/11/2012 08:41

Aaa agh. All he does is wriggle, shouting, spill things, run off, fall over, break things, make a mess, scream, bite me, ask for biscuits and Charlie and Lola. He's horrible to hang out with. Aaaaagh. Give me strength!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/11/2012 16:51

My friend swears that on her DS' fourth birthday he magically turned into a perfect child. All very well but DD is only 23 months and driving me mental. My only saviours; reins; water (in puddles, house, sink, bath, swimming pool); other people's crazy DC.

Narked · 05/11/2012 16:57

More nursery hours? Grin

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 05/11/2012 17:21

YABU I'm shocked by your post. Kids are really hard work...what do you expect.

At least you aren't out working whilst being sleep deprived.

Make the most of it...millions of working parents would love to have your problem to moan about.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/11/2012 17:38

Nope. I'm a working parent (not quite FT) and although some people find work while sleep deprived hard, I find looking after DD while sleep deprived harder. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

littlemisspumpkin · 05/11/2012 17:39

It does get better as they get older, because they go to school! Grin

tholeon · 05/11/2012 18:29

Get a box set of Charlie and Lola. Let him sit in front of it. Eating biscuits. Sometimes it's the only way...

Ignore flip flops..

thegreylady · 05/11/2012 19:10

My dgs is 3.8. I have him two afternoons a week. He goes to nursery school every morning fro 9 till 12. Today we had a drink/cake in a cafe then built and played with Brio trains/track. We watched some of Madagascar and acted some of it. We played a hide and seek game with paper penguins then had a story and cuddle. If I had to look after a baby as well it would be much much harder. By tea time I had a headache but his mum came home and took him swimming with his older brother (6).

harrap · 05/11/2012 19:30

YANBU, as some sage told me when I was saying much the same when my son was 3ish, "you are in a world of shit". It's hard work.

Original poster
ditziness · 05/11/2012 19:55

flipflops, i do fucking work. i work parttime, have a six month old, three and a half year old, and we are currently all living in my PIL's spare room whilst trying to buy a house. and i'm premenstrual. so fuck off.

thanks everyone else.

I wish I could just put him in front of the telly, really do. I would feel far too guilty. Gah.

This afternoon was a bit better, we made toffee apples, made firework pictures and baby DD tried her best to chew my nipples off.

OP posts:
LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 05/11/2012 20:53

You asked if you were being unreasonable, so I replied. If you don't want to know others opinions then don't ask.

RalphGnu · 05/11/2012 21:11

I have an almost three year old and work part-time and honestly? He's such Hard Work at the moment that I spend the week looking forward to my next shift. God only knows what he'll be like in six months time. The sun shines out of him, obviously, but I often feel guilty that I don't always feel grateful for him. I know he won't be three for ever but it's not much comfort when you're tired and frazzled and have heard the word "Mummmmmeeeeee" for the 800th time that day and are cleaning up yet another upturned bowl of Cheerios from the floor.

He doesn't go to nursery yet but I am counting down the days (another thing to feel guilty about) ans am practically giddy with the thought of school in two years.

People always say "Oh, enjoy them while they're young" so I know that one day I will look back at this period of his life with fond nostalgia but I am too bloody knackered to appreciate that right now.

So no, YANBU and in your current situation you actually sound like you're doing better than you think you are.

KitCat26 · 05/11/2012 21:13

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

It is really hard, I completely get it. I've got a contrary little darling 3.3 yr old (and a 21mth old) and she is naughtier now than when she was 2. If I need some peace I turn Cbeebies or a dvd on. It gives me just enough time to get some headspace and patience back - and the dinner on! So try not to feel guilty about doing what you need to get through.

Hope you get some sleep tonight, life will seem so much better with some rest.

RalphGnu · 05/11/2012 21:15

And also, what doesn't help is that I have a friend with a DD a few months older that my DS. They will come to my house and she'll sit quietly and calmly colouring in while my DS tries to whack her round the head with a book/snatch her crayons and emit high pierced screams and I think "Is it because he's younger/doesn't have a sibling/a boy? Or is it that I'm a really crap mum?" Honestly, her child is an angel.

BaronessBomburst · 06/11/2012 00:47

Nope, it's because all children are different, and the luck of the draw. My mum had one perfect angel and one little devil, despite parenting in exactly the same way. And I'm not telling which I was! Grin

Valdeeves · 06/11/2012 03:15

Yep. It's three in the morning, just finished feeding our baby daughter and tomorrow will be a full on day til 8pm full of athletics to exhaust my 3 year old son.
I think still being knackered for giving birth, all night feeding makes it worse. "Contrary little shit" made me laugh - I say he doesn't cooperate with anything and other people look at me as if I'm strange, ha ha.
We'll be telling them this as they fireman's lift their own screaming toddler in years to come.
Large gin and tonic sliding down the bar to you xxxxxx

Crushinginevitability · 06/11/2012 07:17

And my first Biscuit goes to Lifeisbetterinflipflops!

washngo · 06/11/2012 08:40

Totally with you, my 2.6 yo and 4.3 yo are currently tag team whinging, chucking things, refusing to do what I ask and having tantrums. Every day I wake up and hope against hope that magic has happened in the night and that they will have grown out of it. No luck so far.

Saski · 06/11/2012 09:15

I wouldn't go back to 3 for all the tea in china. It's bloody hard work. Obviously having a toddler is such a passionate love affair but I think people who actually really enjoy spending all day, every day with a toddler are pretty few and far between.

cashmere · 06/11/2012 10:39

Thanks for this thread. Have emailed it to DH as DS can be a particular PITA for him- another one who goes a bit wild when tired!

Longdistance · 06/11/2012 10:56

I have a contrary little shit too Grin

She's never happy with anything we do. I have her in daycare two days a week, take her swimming, gymnastics, and do various activities around them.

I too don't like spending time with her either, she just wants my full on attention 24/7, and still wakes in the night too.

Op, you have my sympathies too.

We have dropped the naps, but some days, I feel she needs one, as is awful, but I relent as the vicious circle of, if dh has a nap she won't go to bed at ant normal time and pay up Confused

It is bloody hard, and am dying to go back to work myself to escape!!!

Pochemuchka · 06/11/2012 13:04

Total empathy from me!
Let me reassure you about your friend's perfect DD.
I had one of those! Tantrummed so rarely and minorly that when her 22 month younger brother had a real one at 11 months I just stood there with my mouth open!
Dealt with her brother being born brilliantly, was happy, then indifferent, then happy again. Never violent or aggressive or even negative. settled into nursery immediately at 2.11 Was independent, calm, caring, compliant etc. . . . Until she hit exactly 3.6.

She is a devil now.

Tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. Which is worse than DS doing it as she can articulate herself wonderfully and fluently as well as loudly. and make me look extra bad with the things she says
Non compliant.

Doesn't want to do anything I suggest.

Horrible to her brother, hits him, throws things at him.
Hates walking anywhere, despite having walked since 9 months Hmm only wants to eat crap (thanks for introducing chocolate and cookies GPs) but gets totally grumpy when she hasn't eaten (after refusing the 93 things I've offered her)
Sulks. (Nothing can get her out of this. She'll stop when she's good and ready)

I work 30 hours in 3 days. (They are in nursery for 2 of those days, where she is a delight and one day at home with daddy)
I look after them the rest of the time.
I read to her, play with her, take her to classes on her own. Have special time with her on Saturday mornings. Include her in the things I'm doing as she does like to 'help'. Take her to the park, let her out in the garden even when it's grey and grim because she likes going out.
Oh and I'm 8 months pregnant. (Madness!)
She's looking forward to baby (as long as it's a girl!) but we shall see!

*disclaimer - i never thought having children would be 'easy' and it sure isn't a competition as to who has the most difficult time ffs!
DD is wonderful too but it feels good to rant and know others are in the same boat and it's not just that I'm a crap parent so complain away OP! :)

Original poster
ditziness · 06/11/2012 13:43

Wow thanks so much everybody, I feel part of a strong silent sisterhood instead of a loan nutter glaring at a small boy.

DS is currently upstairs trashing his bedroom, refusing to nap despite the fact he's knackered, was up till 11 pm last night, and upset 7 am this morning. God I feel so angry at him when he does this. He's going to ruin this afternoon by being tired and tabtrummy. We actually had a nice morning, did painting, rode his bike all the way to the park, made soup with me. And I'm exhausted now, and the baby is napping and I really fucking want a sleep too. But the little git is screaming at the top of his voice and throwing his furniture around. I know it's stupid and inappropriate, but I feel like he just chucks all my effort and live back inky face. If he was an adult I wouldn't want to be his friend.

Aaagh!

OP posts:
MrsMuddyPuddles · 06/11/2012 14:04

badbride :o

My dd aged 3 1/2 "played" with a little boy that way... he kept throwing his wand (Harry Potter fancy dress) and she and another couple girls would run and get it, and give it back to him! :o

OP: turn on Charlie and Lola, and go make yourself a cuppa. Some days it's just not worth it. be prepared for him to want to sit on your lap and only on your lap, though

naturalbaby · 06/11/2012 14:10

I spent most of yesterday screaming at my 3yr old Sad he's had 2 weeks off nursery and within an hour of getting up for his 1st day back he was screaming at his brother, then he had a tantrum because he couldn't ride his bike to fetch ds1 from school (because he fell off it twice and rode into traffic the day before) then he had a tantrum because he wanted to go a 'different' way home, then another tantrum at dinner time........

Today my 20month old has spent most of the day having a tantrum at me.

I'm dreaming of full time child care for both of them!! (because it will never happen)

Original poster
ditziness · 06/11/2012 15:13

I 've given up. Ds is sitting on his ride along fire engine thing in a pair of shades watching Charlie and Lola on Netflix.

OP posts: