to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

Talkin, when I get a bit more sleep, I'll get back to you on the job plan front!

Yellowtip, I mean a child that runs off all the time and is hard to restrain even in reins, being carried, etc.! Shopping is only possible so long as I am more hyper-alert than a ninja. He's not left anyone at the altar in 1925

Why are you constantly comparing yourself to others op?
Be happy with what you are doing, or change.
You are coming across as being uneasy.

salt
pepper
wooden spoon

better go watch the election now

you're all over the shop op

'Not left anyone at the altar in 1925' also hard for someone like me to comprehend. But on the 'bolter' front, I was assuming Nancy Mitford, not merely an active sort of child.

Of course I help my 15 year old with her homework!Help her, not do it for her - please read my post properly. I have a degree in literature and languages and she finds my help really valuable.

Yeeeees, the 1925 thing was a Mitford-esque reference.

See, my education would still be rendering people baffled, SAHM or not!

I worked fulltime for 18 years before I had dch, and then became a SAHM.

What I found fascinating was going to baby classes & then playgroup, meeting lots of other women (mostly) who were all doing the same as me but who all had different pasts, job-wise - some high-flying, some not, some older/younger/easy to be friends with or not, but ultimately all with something in common - dch of the same age.

But we didn't introduce ourselves saying "Hi, I'm Miranda, I used to be a PA." Intros would be about the dch. The job history came later on, along with all the other stuff about where you live, relationships etc.

Being a SAHM is certainly not an 'extended break'. I'd argue it's women wanting to put their all into being a mum. Much harder than full time work. That's why many women go back to work and are very marginally better off (if not worse off). Have you been a SAHM?

I got the 'bolter' reference! But I thought it referred to a woman running off --and I had a crap 'official' education==

Oooh...are we doing labels? I'm a mom, wife, runner, dog-owner, homeowner, film-buff, book-lover, nature-adventure person. I've never worked in paid employment post-children, don't work, and probably never will and I like it that way. CHOICES...everyone should have them .

ps waves back at Oxford!

Oxford you're clearly frightfully clever so please could you tell me who left who at the altar in 1925? Perhaps I haven't read enough of Nancy's books (though I have read the interfacing diaries of Evelyn Waugh, and his letters). Or should you simply be on the Downton thread?

puds it's silly to say that looking after children is 'much harder' than full time work. Of course it isn't. It's an easier option, though valuable. But there's no need to dress it up.

I don't know how to explain a flippant comment to someone being so literal, Yellowtip. Is nothing to do with being brainy or not, is to do with getting a joke. Was just a daft reference to the original meaning of bolter. Mmm, jokes get even better when they are laboriously explained...

Too esoteric for me Oxford. Can you even explain it? Just say which book? What's the problem? It's me who's being mundane.

Nice of you to concede that looking after your children yourself is 'valuable' yellow tip. Good grief! There's every need to 'dress it up'. It's bloody hard and every woman who chooses to needs support and respect for the important role she does. I can't stand this business of putting other women down or making everything into a competition.

Goodness me - people do realise I assume that the vast vast majority of parents work. They seem able to work and raise pretty happy healthy children if my DCs friends are anything to go by. So why are the tiny minority of SAHMs trying to elevate it to the level of rocket science? Why make such heavy weather of it? If you want to be a SAHP because you enjoy it then that's great but let's not pretend it is ground breaking stuff.

Ha he ha!!!! I've been both Yellowtip - have you?! Believer when you ate struggling with PND and have a toddler to contend with work is by far the easier option. I look forward to my days at work to get a break. And I know many women who went back full time 'for their sanity'. What do you think that means?

• believe me when you are struggling

How dare you say it's the easier option? It might be for some women but staying off for a year with my son was harder for me than any job I've had - and I've had very stressful jobs.

pud I'm sorry you are struggling with mental health issues, but that doen't mean beinbg a SAHM is hard or raising DC is hard...it just means you are struggling with mental health issues.

I probably shouldn't speak for yellow but I believe she is a SAHM to eight DC. So she does know somehting whereof she speaks in regards to child rearing .

"Love in a cold climate", much more interesting than Nancy was Jessica Mitford but then I would say that

Yellowtip, my 1925 comment was just a flippant nod to the original meaning of the term bolter, ie someone who would jilt someone at the altar. It wasn't a reference to any book or author. I only mentioned Mitford because you didn't seem to get the joke in the first place. It's really not important or interesting enough to keep asking me about! Do off-hand quips always confuse you this much? Not being mean, it's just that your repeated hounding of me over my meaning in a trivial joke is a bit weird.

I don't know what the statistics say but the well-educated SAHM is a fairly recent phenomenon - no?