to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

I might be economically inactive - but I'm not unemployed.

Just a Feckless Layabout then Paggy?

I mislaid my feck in 1998.
It's probably under a heap of paperwork somewhere.

Yy feckless layabout.
I am going to start putting that on forms

Feckless layabout.
I like that.

Rowan, I'm not making any judgement. You can be a bloody fantastic parent and work full time. I have friends who do, and my dh is. But you aren't parenting when you are at work, you can't. I'm just stating a frankly obvious fact. If that makes you feel insecure, that's your issue.

"Am I the only one who has noticed the irony in your username." toScottishmummy who was discussing why she works.

"You are not a full time parent."

And you think ths doesn't come across as judgemental?

Oh and you don't make me feel insecure. You do make me feel sad that women are so keen to attack each other's parenting choices and to try and make them feel bad about themselves.

Because what other affect could you hope those comments would have?

But what about when they are at school? The teacher isn't parenting them. Surely you still are if you're working or not?

Perhaps Madcap intends to educate her children at home. Otherwise she would be 'outsourcing her parenting, too...

Of course you are parenting when you are at work. You are providing for your family.

Of course you are parenting whether you are at work or at home.

What a foolish notion.

All this point scoring is shit.

I am a sahm. I am not a better mum than when I was a wohm.

I agree pagwatch. It really isn't pleasant is it. I don't judge sahm. My point has always been that I don't know why this had to be a battle of one being better than the other. Some of the comments on here have been really distasteful.

I keep coming back to what I said originally. It is tough enough to be a mum without feeling undermined by others women.

More support, less attacking!

My "beef" was with Scottishmummy who banged on and on about how being a sahp has no value and it isn't a job. And I will probably go back to work when my kids are in full time education. So yes I will be outsourcing the parenting then to teachers and child care professionals. You aren't parenting when you're working. You might well be earning money to house, feed, clothe, etc your child, but reality is you'd likely be doing that if you didn't have children anyway.

I haven't "attacked" anyone other than Scottishmummy who has made it clear in her posts with all her mutha bullshit that she doesn't value motherhood at all and that is where the irony is.

I think that if you genuininely feel that you can only parent if you are in the same room as your child then you view parenting in a much more simplistic way than I do.

Zukie

I wish you all the best. Anxiety is so incredibly debilitating. Glad you have been able to access help

You see when your DC get older you realise that parenting is much less about attending to their needs (they should be doing as much as possible of that themselves) and much more nuanced.

Teachers most certainly do not parent.

Just because a person works doesn't mean they do not value motherhood. Honestly, this is beginning to annoy me now. I think I'll have to hide this thread!

I disagree with scottishmummy. But she values motherhood as much as anyone else I would imagine. She believes that to be a good parent you model a strong work ethic and financial independence.
Just because you don't concur it is not really appropriate to say she shouldn't call herself mummy.

Although now she will post that it is ironic and piss on my point

Well quite pag.

Today my DC elft the house at 7.15am. They will return in about fifteen minutes. During that period DH and I have most definitely parented them. DH happened to be working all the while. I happened to be waiting in for The Boiler Man.

Vivienne, have you read scottishmummy's posts? I've said I make no judgements about wohp's. Many are great. I don't think either is better than the other.i really don't.

Yes but it's pure nonsense to say parents aren't parenting if they're working.

So much of parenting is about the long game. The decisions we make. The values we bestowe. The plans for our family. The things we taight our DC (both good and bad ).

Parents who work will do this too.

And I say this as someone who has used barely any childcare, so not being defensive. Just that the benefit of hindsight has told me what was the most valuable aspect of parenting.

How Word? Honestly, not interested, in a bun fight, byt unless you're spending the day researching secondary schools or calling every 10 minutes to find out what they're doing (not saying that's what I would do, just an example.)

Sorry cross posts word. :-D

Pag, see Scottishmummy's post at 7:16 this morning. She speaks of having fulfilment at being a sahm as being sentimental tosh. THAT is what makes me think she doesn't value motherhood. Shenales no allowances that different people find fulfilment in different places. She's the one screwing the sisterhood.