to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

Gosh zukie - how can you possibly think that it would be impossible to find an occupation to fulfil you.
I don't believe you need an occupation to lead a fulfilling life but I don't see how the opposite can be true. With the vast, almost limitless array of jobs can you really believe that not one would feel meaningful?

I prefer" full time mother myself", but I can see that might irritate just as many people.

how the heck can you be a part-time mother though

every mother is full time, just the same as every father is

Full time Mum always makes me giggle.

I've been a SAHM, I've worked part time, I've worked full time, I've been self employed and worked from home.

At no point ever have I stopped being a Mum.

Actually I'd like to be part time. The constant responsibility and lack of freedom can be sapping no?

Talkin - a fair few of those that work probably could stay at home if they wanted to without claiming any tax credits or anything.

My Mum was a SAHM for years when we were all younger, but she went back to work and had 15 years back in the workplace before retiring.
She didn't need to work, financially, but chose to do it for a host of reasons - not least of which was that she didn't want my father to think she was at his beck and call 24/7 as we got older and needed less of her time.

zukie

I wonder if you wanted to work with animals, whether you'd consider voluntary work. After 10 years as a Sahm i wanted to do something new, had no idea what at that stage but thought i'd try and get some it skills. My mental health was not great. I volunteered at the head office of a large charity and i had such a great experience. It changed my life really. I got my confidnce back, but there was no pressure. They were so pleased to have me and i was lucky to meet an older woman who mentored me.

I ended up getting a job through volunteering in a school, and i really have found what i was born to do.

I hope you don't think i am being presumptious. I don't know if you are reciving help for your mental health.
I'm not saying this because i think you should work, but i am passionate about the fact that it is possible to find something you love doing, whther paid or voluntary. In fact, i'd guess ther's loads in the animal care area.

If this is of interested, the volunteering website do-it.org.uk.

Sorry for spelling mistakes. Ipad sausage fingers

I am a proud SAHM and carer to my partner and WILL NOT apologise to anyone for what I am :)

what do you do? is a legitimate question,how does one occupy oneself?work done
satisfies natural human curiosity and discussion point,discuss daily activities
career doesn't define me but neither does motherhood.both significant to me

Zukiecat

That's fine then. I was just startled that someone could literally not think of a single thing to do that would fulfil them. Working with animals is one

I've been a SAHM far longer than I've been anything else, but yes I'm still a scientist at heart.

Was fun yesterday to put on my biologists hat and very gratifying to hear that DD2 had managed to remember remember what we'd discussed and explain her science model to the class.

Dh, DD1 and me are natural born scientists, DD2 likes to pretend that the geek passes her by

i should be an IWOM

International
Woman
Of
Mystery

So should I have called myself an ex-fish monger when I was studying for an undergraduate, or an ex-care assistant when studying for a doctorate? Of course not, but now I am mainly a SAHM I'm defined by what I used to do. I enjoy my part time work but it is not the only thing which defines who I am.

Being an ex-something is a bit tragic I think. What is odd about the term SAHM is that it's an answer to the question, "Who/what are you?" Usually, we ask people, "What do you do?" and "SAHM" doesn't answer that question.

I think it's telling that the people who mind the question, "What do you do?" are the ones without jobs. People only ask to find out what you do, to start a conversation, to see if they have something in common with you. It's just a conversational gambit. In my case, I try to get people off the subject asap because I have one of those jobs every one has an opinion on and I don't like shop talk at parties. But there's no reason to be either offended or upset by it.

god no I rarely discuss work socially, unless with colleague or someone in similar field
what do you do is fair enough conversational topic,to break ice get some rapport

nfk, what do you do ?

oops, immediately realised I have spelt your name wrong. Now you are not going to tell me are you!

Actually I hate the term sahm but I love being one!

I don't mind people asking what you do- but it a pretty boring conversation, unless you are something unusual like a stunt woman.

the only comment needed on this thread is the one written so beautifully by Oxfordbags.

In the many years I've spent on Mumsnet, including some very depressing threads about the dress size of women (fuck off if you think a size 12 is chubby, yes you- fuck you all the way to hell and back) there has been no better post than this one, by the eloquent Oxfordbags, which I'm shamelessly pasting here so anyone who might have missed it first time around, might see it here:

"I am a SAHM and proud to be one. For the record, I have a PhD in a really high-falutin', poncey subject from Oxford and am/was an 'intellectual' (without wanting to out myself). I put no less effort, passion, research, slog, dedication and heart and soul into being a full-time mother than I did my academic work - much more so, in fact, as giving my child all the best of myself is far, far more important and rewarding and a testament to my prowess, worth and status as a human being than any of the smartarse stuff I did before. My brain hasn't gone to mush because I am intelligent and find ways to stimulate myself. Working for pay has nothing to do with staving off intellectual atrophy.

As a feminist, I find the attitudes towards SAHMs incredibly insulting and ignorant. We cannot say that Feminism has benefitted any part of society if we do not and cannot view stereotypically and traditionally female rôles, behaviour and activities, etc., positively and with equal worth to anything deemed worthy by patriarchal thinking. Put simply, seeing being a SAHM as somehow inferior, demeaning, ruinous for the intellect and ego, etc., etc., is incredibly misogynist and it's saddening and maddening to see women falling for all that crap and not just feeling that way about other women but even about themselves. I find the placing of importance on status, job and wealth incredibly immature, boring, pathetic and a sign that a person feels deeply inadequate within themselves.

Also, please let's be clear that being a SAHM does not automatically mean you are a domestic skivvy. The only housework I do more now than I used to, is more cooking and washing up in the day in order to feed me and my DS.

If someone feels demeaned and inadequate by being a SAHM, then that is all about that person's own self-worth and personal issues. They need to get help for their own personal problems, not impose them as the supposed truth for everyone else on the same position as them."

A Fucking Men.

I second that Amen autumn. Thanks for pasting that.

I thought being SAHM is the most important and valuable contribution to society. I say this as someone who only managed to be SAHM for less than a year before easing off back to part time (now almost full time) work.

As a feminist, I find it interesting that the feminist movement has inspired the drastic devaluation of a SAHM's vocation - all of a sudden women are meant to feel that looking after kids is not a real job, when in fact it's the job of jobs, both in terms of its demands and value to society. Psychologists agree it's ideal if kid stays with one parent full-time until age three, and really, being SAHM is harder than most jobs - you don't get a respite, you really have to stretch all your talents, there's so much at stake and not to even mention some people undervalue you as 'just a domestic'... I always have my hat off to all SAHMs, they work much harder than anyone else, and their job is by far the most important, unless your job is to cure cancer or climate change or so.