...not to want dh to wander around half-naked?

[cavell]

Particularly when, by "half naked" I am referring to the bottom half?
Dh likes to wander around wearing just a t-shirt/shirt and no pants such that his "bits" are left dangling. Sometimes he even has socks on, too.
AIBU to find this borderline revolting? It reminds me of a potty-training toddler, tbh.
Background: together 20 years, married 15, two dds aged 11 and 7. DH's body is okay, albeit a bit skinny. He knows I don't like to see him walking around in his state of undress, but he thinks I am becoming prudish and that he should be able to relax in his own home and not worry about what he is wearing... Should add also that my libido is very low at the moment and seeing his undercarriage peeking out from the bottom of a t-shirt isn't helping at all.
AIBU?

when a child expresses a wish not to see an adult's genitals then i think it does a lot of harm to force that child to continue to see it. what message does it give them for their adult relationships? that they should just tolerate seeing men's penises whether they want to or not?

I regularly saw my dad naked, and at the pre-teen and teen years may have expressed a want for him to put his clothes on, but I'm not mentally scarred by it.

He would wander around the house naked when I was very young, less so as I got older, but frequently went from bathroom - bedroom naked after a bath or let his dressing gown fall open. He would cover up again when asked though and had the decency to be embarrassed if I was! I think he would have liked me to not care but took note that I did and acted appropriately.

It's one thing not to be ashamed of nakedness. Your dcs can surely understand that. It's another thing to continue to be so when other people (your daughter for instance!) whom you love find it repulsive/ embarrassing. Concerned that if it turns you off him, is he not bothered by that?

Personally I would go naked around my house if it wasn't so bleeding cold, and overlooked. My DP would not (I think, he will go shirtless for a bit on a weekend morning but thats it.) I would not go around in a shirt without pants though definitely the wrong way around!!

I get he wants commando type style but why would u want to sit on cold furniture pantless? Can't he b commando under Calvin pyjamas? It seems very odd. I'd think dh cracked if he did it.

Question - if u did it for a few nights would he see the idiocy?

You all need to click on my profile and look at the photo up there.

I saw it earlier and immediately thought of the OP.

"Would you be happy for him to say how and when you can be less than fully dressed?"

It doesn't arise. I used to have some underwear which I liked and he didn't. I stopped wearing it because it wasn't a big deal to me. I tell my children that it isn't nice to deliberately do something that you know will annoy someone else (assuming it is something avoidable). If dh had problems with my level of dress/undress I would at least listen to him decide whether he had a point or not.

Can't you tell him to wear a sock on it?

For those who say it's his home and he should be comfy blah blah blah does this mean you would be ok with your dc's seeing semi naked, grown men in their own homes if their friends fathers felt so inclined?

As I said before I am working from op's first two posts in that one dc was a bit embarrassed, one giggled and the op herself has ongoing bedroom issues with her dp.

I also bring to it my own 'non-issues' concerning nakedness within my own family, now and while growing up. I feel I would have had to have been 'taught to have a problem' with it.

headinhands, are you being deliberately obtuse?

The point is that this is a behaviour that is distressing his wife and making his children uncomfortable, as has been demonstrated by the fact that all three of them have told him so. He persists in doing it. That is the issue here.

In addition, your insistence that a penis is no different to any other part of the body (since the whole body can engage in sexual acts) is ridiculous. If someone brushed your face with their hand at a party, without your consent, you probably wouldnt' even notice. If someone brushed your face with their cock at a party, without your consent, you'd definitely fucking notice.

I'd be mortified if my kids said things like that, tbh. We all wander round in various states of undress here. It is weird it's either suddenly started though, which I guess it has if the kids are commenting on it

We have always walked around in various stages of undress here too, the children have even shared our bed and we don't wear nightclothes. And thats just fine. When my 13 year old son started to become embarrassed then we covered up when he was around because its common courtesy to do so when other people are not comfortable with it.

And its not at all unusual for teens to start being embarrassed about nakedness even when they previously haven't been.

Yes, head, the penis is also used for peeing. Another activity that tends to happen in private.

Hands - painting writing typing making phone calls cooking etc etc

Mouth - eating drinking talking

None done in private. HTH.

I think the key fact is that your daughters have indicated they don't like it or are uncomfortable with it, and he persists on doing it.

That is essentially forced exposure to his genitals, and not in a quick flash kind of way, but for sustained periods.

It's so deeply inappropriate, I don't even know where to start. You really need to lay down the law and get him to stop doing it, at the least around them.

Do you have any other issues in your relationship? Is he generally this selfish and weird?

Head if you are working off only the OP's first two posts, please read them all. Thanks.

How old is he? My DDad used to do this, although stopped when he realised quite how repulsive the rest of us found his naked bum and danglies. The epiphany was when DBro & I rejected sausages and potato waffles (our favourite tea) because they looked just like our DDad's lower regions. Yes, he was wandering round naked at the time, and the sight of DBro chasing DDad round the kitchen with a sausage and potato waffle in either hand, trying to show him the resemblance will haunt me for years

For some reason I think of it as a very 'old man-ish' thing to do'. Younger men walk around with shirts off (bleurgh, but not quite as bad), older men let their nether regions flap in the breeze.

"I feel I would have had to have been 'taught to have a problem' with it. "

so you're saying the DC's feelings about it are irrelevant because they have been taught to feel that way? is that it?

It's a horrible lesson to be teaching his daughters: that their boundaries are not important, their discomfort is to be ignored, that he man of the house is to be pandered to at all costs because he's king of the castle. Really damaging messages to send to girls.

No boo. I'm explaining the logic behind my responses.

agree BOF

Good Lord what an odd thread.

There's logic?

This picture has just been shared on my FB, and made me think of this thread.

Seriously though, if your daughter has asked him to cover up, and he's refusing, I think that's incredibly disrespectful.

ok, so do you think the DC's feelings are relevant/valid?

OP what do you think he would say if you asked him to wear baggy jogging bottoms or a sarong or even a towel round his bottom half?

This has cheered me up op. I can imagine how ridiculous my dh would look.

YANBU - that is the wrong half.