19 yo DS and girlfriend play fighting in PJS in front of 14 yo DS

[stephrick]

Yes bizzare I know, you couldn't write this stuff, I knew DS and girlfriend had pjs on, in living room with 14 yo DS waiting for Derren Brown to start, that is all ok, I went in to living room cos there was some yipping, and lo and behold girlfriend and DS are tickling and wrestling, now I didn't say anything but told 14yo DS I needed a hand with something, he was uncomfortable and needed extracting, how do I without offending tell them to cool it. My 17 yo DD has her boyfriend over but they don't do the displays, and it's pissing her off that I have'nt said anything. I'm stuck in dining room cos I don't want to see it. I get your having sex just not so obvious.

Are they having sex or just being stupid? If it's the latter just tell them to keep it down as others are trying to watch tv!

Just walk in, sit down and say "Right pack it up you two, we can't hear the TV"

It doesn't have to be a big deal surely?

Wha?

Now come on, are they actually having sex or are they playfighting. There is a difference.

If they're making anyone uncomfortable, tell them to cool it.

I have sex with my husband, it doesn't always involved wrestling, likewise, when we playfight, there is no penetration.

just being stupid, but I don't think they should be doing it in front of anyone. I never did when I was that age.

I think you might be overthinking this. If it makes anyone uncomfortable, then haul DS out of the room and tell him you feel awkward and to playfight somewhere else. Job done.

You should feel glad that he's relaxed and comfortable enough around you to mess about with his GF in front of you.

They should be stupid in front of anyone? What weirdness is this?

shouldn't ffs

Just say "not in the living room please you two" and leave it at that. Then if they don't get the message you can say something more like "you are making us feel uncomfortable, can you please stop that kind of thing in here". Surely that wouldn't offend them, if it does, then so be it. It's your house.

Me and my DH play fight too do not weird. Depends how it's done really, if its all sexy undertones then bleurgh but if its normal mucking about there's nothing wrong!

Do you do it at the age you are at now, OP?

They are wrestling and tickling...how do you feel about them snogging?

What don't you just say "Calm down you two, you're not the only ones here, y'know!"

I can't believe you've been a parent this long and you're asking how to tell them to pack it in

Repeat after me

Pack. It. In.

Ill have a word with Ds, like you say maybe I'm making too big a deal.

What Majestic says. I have been in situations like this and it's so bloody annoying, sitting in ur own living room pretending to be relaxed but feeling really embarrassed at the sexual undercurrent. For your DS's sake please don't let them continue doing this.

Some couples playfight others don't, but I don't think the one's who do are necessarily using it as something sexual, it's mostly just messing about.

YABU to let them make you feel uncomfortable in your own home though, if they get offended with you saying something gently to them (and more harshly if they don't take the hint) then it's about time someone told them that their behaviour can affect how other people feel.

You don't have to go steaming in, but at 19 it's about time they got their heads round it.

Why didn't your 14 YO feel OK about just walking out though?

Why are you trying to be so 'cool' and permit your DS to have his girl friend to stay the night & behave like this ................ just toughen up; your 14 year old must be mortified - I would be totally embarrassed if my DS behaved like this.

Still, it sounds like you are totally easy going if your DD also has a boyfriend sleeping over .

Your older DS is clearly taking the piss.

Would you have behaved like this in your parent's home (regardless of whether or not you had a younger sibling)?

Right, they're play fighting and having a laugh, yes?
How would this harm anyone?
And if you're uncomfortable with it, tell them to cut it out.
But it seems utterly harmless to me

Pack it in, this is DS first girlfriend, at 19 well it's new to me. When your children move into adulthood, work and pay rent, it's not so easy to tell them how to behave. I don't want to push him away, a quiet word is best.

March in, sit down, say 'for goodness sake pack it in you two. Now DS what do you want to watch ?'

Simple. And your 14 year old doesn't have to feel that he's in the way in his own home.

Well they're obviously sleeping together under your roof - hence the pjs - so I think it's a bit late to be doing cats bum face about displays of sexuality. Tell them to pack it in. Or start a play fight with your DP. Nothing gives a teenager the boke more than the thought of an old person doing it.

I'm have no DP he passed away 4 years ago, maybe thats why I feel uncomfortable, things moving too quickly.

What if you had two adult friends staying over for the weekend who were playfighting in the same way, making you uncomfortable going back into the room after going to the loo or something?

If they did it on the first night, wouldn't you have to say something?

If you can't say something 'publicly' just take your DS to one side at another time and tell them quietly.

I know they are adults at 19, but that shouldn't make you feel powerless.

I think its cool that they feel so comfortable in your house to be play fighting... however, if it is making you feel uncomfortable, tell them to go to bed!

I'm sorry to hear that OP. didn't mean to be insensitive.

you are all right, a quiet word before I drop him off at work, if I had a forth bedroom no problem, but he has to share with 14 DS, hence they sleep in living room on bed sofa when she stays over. They work together on a local farm, so they spend all day together and now between her parents house and mine it's 5 days out 7. is it too much.