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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

19 yo DS and girlfriend play fighting in PJS in front of 14 yo DS

62 replies

stephrick · 02/11/2012 21:40

Yes bizzare I know, you couldn't write this stuff, I knew DS and girlfriend had pjs on, in living room with 14 yo DS waiting for Derren Brown to start, that is all ok, I went in to living room cos there was some yipping, and lo and behold girlfriend and DS are tickling and wrestling, now I didn't say anything but told 14yo DS I needed a hand with something, he was uncomfortable and needed extracting, how do I without offending tell them to cool it. My 17 yo DD has her boyfriend over but they don't do the displays, and it's pissing her off that I have'nt said anything. I'm stuck in dining room cos I don't want to see it. I get your having sex just not so obvious.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 02/11/2012 22:21

stephrick - I don't mean to sound unkind and appreciate your situation is difficult but seriously, as Agent said, if you had a guest (or lodger) who behaved like this you wouldn't accept it would you? Good idea to have a quiet word with your son on his own.

This sounds so corny now but I can remember the first time I bought a boyfriend home and we held hands under the table during dinner - my mum very nicely told me later that it wasn't an 'appropriate' way to behave in a family situation Grin. She was right, I was embarassing her and it is the adult's right to say something in these circumstances.

I had a friend who allowed her DD to bring her BF home to sleep the night, even bought them a double bed ............ she then realised how uncomfortable it was to have to face the BF first thing in the morning in her dresing gown and the DD went on to have a serious of different boyfriends .............. is that how you want to feel in your own home?

lovebunny · 02/11/2012 22:22

its not harmless. the elder male is displaying his superiority over the younger by openly handling the female. the younger will be both stimulated and humiliated.

you set this up by allowing your offspring to have sex in your den. it is time to chase the elder maleand his mate out, swiftly followed by the mate of the female offspring. keep the female offspring by you and help her rear her young.

Original poster
stephrick · 02/11/2012 22:26

wilsonfrickett, You were not insensitive, had DP still be here, I would take you up on advice and got hot and heavy, that would sure cool their ardour.

OP posts:
Original poster
stephrick · 02/11/2012 22:28

love bunny your talking about rabbits are'nt you.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/11/2012 22:31

Grin lovebunny, I can't fathom whether you're taking the piss or over thinking it. 'keep the female offspring by you and help her rear her young' suggests the former?

I think you've said it yourself OP, the rules have changed and you're moving on to a new phase in your relationship with your DC.

Just as you had to set the boundaries when they came out of babyhood into being a toddler, you've got to be flexible and change depending on the situation.

I believe they'll respect you more for it, and you'll be doing them and everyone else around them a favour.

AgentZigzag · 02/11/2012 22:32

'love bunny your talking about rabbits are'nt you. '

Ahhhh of course Grin

Original poster
stephrick · 02/11/2012 22:54

Thankyou agent zig zag, this new age is scary, I can't be in control anymore, i hope I have given the right talks, you know safe sex etc, but I feel that he thinks he has his life sorted, savings and saving more, dosen't drink or smoke, I want him to travel, he spent a few weeks in south africa in june as a volanteer on a game reserve, I want him to see the world before he settles down.

OP posts:
Themumsnot · 02/11/2012 23:00

'love bunny your talking about rabbits are'nt you. '

You need to read Watership Down. It's all in there.

AgentZigzag · 02/11/2012 23:02

He sounds lovely, and it sounds like you (and your DH) have done a cracking job with him Smile

He'll still need you, but you can sit back a bit more now and let them bring you tea/wine and enjoy the product of your labours.

higgyjig · 03/11/2012 00:54

do you seriously think they would be doing it in full view if it meant anything

lovebunny · 03/11/2012 11:34

well, no.
what i was saying is that we are all basically animals.

what is going on in the o p's household is that she has ceded her territory to her elder male offspring - even her den, which is particularly significant.
for her to regain control, she needs to promote the relocation of the son and his woman -otherwise it becomes their den, not hers.

the elder male thinks he is in power. he makes sexual displays (playfighting in pyjamas is sexual) in his mother's knowledge and in front of his younger brother.
fourteen year old boys are already oversensitive about sex, they don't need reminding that its available in their own den and they can't get any.

remembering the o post from last night, i think she also said she has a teenage daughter allowed to bring sexual partners to the home? bad move, for similar reasons to her elder son being allowed to behave as he does.

the teenage daughter, having been encouraged to have one or more partners, might well become pregnant. that does not mean that mother has to give up her house to the new family, or that she has to send her daughter away (though daughter might choose to go with partner). the mother/daughters/grandchildren set up is a strong one for raising offspring. which is what its all about, really.

GhostShip · 03/11/2012 12:23

Why cant they play fight [confuse] me and my dp are in our twenties and we still get giddy tickling each other. My teenage brothers would join in and try to help DP!
They're having a laugh, its nothing sexual, what is the problem?

Am I missing something here?

GhostShip · 03/11/2012 12:24

Why in gods name is playfighting in pj's sexual? I'm confused yet again.

Fairylea · 03/11/2012 12:43

So confused by this. How is this sexual????
Say hey let's sit and watch tv nicely please or go and play elsewhere. Job done.

If he doesn't like your rules he is 19, he can move out!

perplexedpirate · 03/11/2012 12:55

How nice to have your DC wanting to stay in with you on a Friday night and watch TV. Smile
They are playing, it's natural, and quite sweet really, but I can imagine it can be v annoying.
Thwack them with a rolled up newspaper if they go too far, like errant puppies.

Ragwort · 04/11/2012 12:57

How nice to have your DC wanting to stay in with you on a Friday night and watch TV personally I can't think of anything worse, I am looking forward to when my DS goes out in the evenings and leave us in peace Grin - even if it means being a taxi service !

lovebunny · 04/11/2012 14:07

'there are none so blind as those who will not see.'

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/11/2012 23:05

I think it's a bit inappropriate personally. I wouldn't wrestle with my OH in my pj's in front of my mother ever. I'm not that much older than OP's son.

Just have a quiet word OP :)

thebody · 05/11/2012 23:13

Hi op, you sound like you have done a fantastic job with your Dcs.

I have ones a bit older and a bit younger than you.

The play fighting is normal but if its making ds uncomfortable( well let's be honest Horney bless) then just tell them to put a sock in it.

Don't worry, it's nice ds has a steady gf as it must have been a tough time for you all.

MrsCantSayAnything · 05/11/2012 23:14

Lovebunny please don't refer to ANY man or young man as "handling" a female.

It's fucking offensive.

thebody · 05/11/2012 23:15

Ragwort, you will change your mind. Nothing is as worrying as grown up children out and about in the world.

Babies and toddlers and early teens, bloody piss easy.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/11/2012 23:18

MrsCantSayAnything why is saying "handling" offensive? My OH handles my bloody awful temper moderate bad moods very well indeed!

MrsCantSayAnything · 05/11/2012 23:18

Alis I hope you're joking. Lovebunny meant PHYSICALLY.

fortyplus · 05/11/2012 23:29

Lovebunny I'd love to know how a 19yo boy playfighting with his gf in PJs is going to get his sister pregnant... What planet are you from?

Mousefunk · 06/11/2012 00:00

Perhaps i'm far too prude but I won't even kiss my DH (yes I said it, HUSBAND) in front of my parents, i'm just a private person and still find it a tad embarrassing/don't want them to feel uncomfortable (I mean, I wouldn't want to see them kissing their other halfs, gross). So the thought of playfighting.. Ugh. I'd just say calm it you two or something along them lines, wouldn't let it carry on making younger dc uncomfortable in their own home anyway!

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