19 yo DS and girlfriend play fighting in PJS in front of 14 yo DS

[stephrick]

Yes bizzare I know, you couldn't write this stuff, I knew DS and girlfriend had pjs on, in living room with 14 yo DS waiting for Derren Brown to start, that is all ok, I went in to living room cos there was some yipping, and lo and behold girlfriend and DS are tickling and wrestling, now I didn't say anything but told 14yo DS I needed a hand with something, he was uncomfortable and needed extracting, how do I without offending tell them to cool it. My 17 yo DD has her boyfriend over but they don't do the displays, and it's pissing her off that I have'nt said anything. I'm stuck in dining room cos I don't want to see it. I get your having sex just not so obvious.

Well, lovebunny might have a point.

Would they maul each other in pjs if stephrick's DP was around.

I've got a feeling they wouldn't, trying to imagine me and DH groping each other (playfully) in front of DH's DF. Can't see it to be honest, but we might have mucked around a bit in front of his DM. His DF passed away just after we met so opportunity never arose.

My DCs, now grown up, didn't ever do any snogging or playing in pjs, in front of us but me and DH are very old-fashioned and aren't demonstrative in front of DCs so they might be following our lead.

They are behaving a bit like 12 year olds but really at 19 think I would just say to DS that his behaviour could be seen as a bit sexual (well they are in pjs) and to keep it for when they are alone (because I would be pissed that I had to point this out so would be blunt).

oh this had spiralled DD is arguing with said DS about protocol
with girlfriends, she is 17 and has a BF but don't do the cuddling ETC, whereas DS does. I thins it's because DD is to leave home next year to go to uni, she has been hard on DS, cos he has a job that he enjoys, but min wage. Does she feel pushed out? When you have children you find their strong spot and help them to achieve it, DS was a practical person and loves working on the farm, DD is an academic and wants to be a teacher, as does DS 14 YO, but they are poo pooing his choice and not in a nice way. eg " your'e going to be living at home when your are 40, you are wasting your life, you couldn't do your A levels cos you weren't clever enough. I did edit the bad language. I'm on all sides I just want them to be happy, DS on a farm, DD at uni, Younger DS following whatever path he chooses whether farm of uni. help stuck in middle.

It's hard, especially when you have lost your DH, to know what to do for the best. I think what you have just said though, is what you need to say to them. It's honest, it's fair and it's reasonable.

stephrick, take back control of your household. you elder son is a man, his career choice and the hassle he gets for it are his own problem. if he's too poor to move out, let him know what you are comfortable with in your home and make him stick to it.

Take back control? Exactly what is wrong with what they're doing

Your 19 year old should be shagging his girlfriend in his own place. There won't be any other 'couples' in my place, there's only room for one

Methinks you're a bit too easygoing OP, take back control of your house.

lovebunny thinks people are dogs...she speaks of males "handling" females...she'll be telling OP to get a clicky thing and a crate for the boy next.

and you're such an expert on what lovebunny thinks...

AND she speaks about herself in the third person! (or whatever it's called)

Bloody hell. Finally lost for words and it's not due to the ops ds

stephrick if you are the poster I am thinking of, you went awol after posting about your son going to visit an orphanage??!! If so, I had pm'd you at the time. A sort of spin-off came about as a result. I would pm you again but, well, it was about 5months since I sent the last one let me know if it's "you" and / or whether you figured the messages out.

Re: play fighting, anything you're uncomfortable with in your own home needs to be vocalised. They may or may not be aware they are making things awkward, but a swift "pack it in" seems apt as mentioned up thread.

Am surprised DCs are 'ganging up' on DS. If he isn't as academic he isn't, and there's not much anyone can do about it. Nothing wrong with working on the farm but it will mean low wage.

My DCs didn't bring home partners and share a bed until after they had left home, therefore they were living with them anyway so I couldn't object sensibly to them sleeping together at home.

Perhaps DD is objecting because she has chosen not to sleep with her boyfriend yet and feels DS shouldn't be either.

My DCs couldn't wait to leave home and eldest two had greatest sympathy for youngest as he was left at home on his own with the oldies!

But of course, now I think about it, that meant he couldn't do all the things young people do when they first leave home - get very drunk, loll around until the early hours, sleep with partners, lie in til all hours, have tickling sessions with their girlfriends. But your DS is doing this (or some of it) even though he hasn't left home- so you do need to put in some boundaries. If it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable then it stops. And is he assuming he can live with you on the cheap indefinitely? Thereby taking you for granted and assuming that you will always be there for him to live with.Perhaps DD is worried about that.

Tell them you are going on Plenty of Fish, the online dating website, that should bring the squabbling to a stop