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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be angry & upset with parents for considering going to see sister in Oz?

201 replies

flowerfairy · 28/10/2012 11:38

Sister emigrated to Oz with her family at the end of August and have had many a rant about that with Dh, knowing what they ar elike and also discussed with mum at length. Now my parents are considering (and with great probability will go at the beginning of DEc and spend Xmas over there with them. I have my own family(Dh, 2dc and my in laws will be coming for lunch on the day and had assumed my parents would be there too. My Dsister has always relied on my mum for childcare and support while living over here and now they are hot footing it over there. My Dh says I should remind them that they have another daughter and 2 more grandchildren too. HAve waves of feeling selfish and then waves of feeling very emotional nd angry that they will be going over there when they haven't even been gone 6months yet! My mparents will be back in time ofr my birthday and my kids, bu twould still be bitterly disappointed they weren't hereSad.

OP posts:
Whooooosualsuspect · 28/10/2012 12:33

Unless you have alredy hidden the thread.

Whooooosualsuspect · 28/10/2012 12:33

Already*

Groovee · 28/10/2012 12:39

My dad has 4 children, 1 of whom lives in Oz. we've had to accept that on his 60th birthday he chose to spend it in oz and the same on his 65th. Not much else we could say or do.

With his birthday when it is, and mine there have been about 4 birthdays where i've seen neither parent as they've gone to Oz.

You just have to grin and bear it unfortunately.

ssd · 28/10/2012 12:39

I think the op knows she IBU and maybe wanted one or two YANBU's to make her feel better, but she didnt get them so has left the thread

we cant all be wrong op, enjoy your xmas with your family and in laws and let your sister enjoy her visit with your parents, and try to accept its not all about you

PickledFanjoCat · 28/10/2012 12:54

Oh, maybe it's a reverse jobbie?

midseasonsale · 28/10/2012 12:55

How fab to spend xmas in oz. why not let them enjoy it? such a lovely opportunity and there will be other Xmas's you can share with her in the UK

SugariceAndScary · 28/10/2012 12:57

I would love to go if I had the chance, I hope your Parents have a fabulous time.

SoleSource · 28/10/2012 12:57

Yabu, grow up you have no right to expect that your parents pander to your every whim.

TheCunningStunt · 28/10/2012 12:59

YABU if this is real. YABU of this is a reverse simply because they annoy me Grin

Goldenjubilee10 · 28/10/2012 13:00

Assuming you are over 16 which, with a dh and 2 dc's, is very likely UABVU.

TheCunningStunt · 28/10/2012 13:00

If. Not of!

missmapp · 28/10/2012 13:01

My db and family have recently emmigrated overseas, my dp's are going there for Christmas- we will see them when they return. i am v. excited as it means they can get the lay of the land future trips we may take to see my brother and his family. They may be going for christmas , but my niece and nephew did not see there gp's for bdays, wheras my dc's did- families are about compromise and love.

charlottehere · 28/10/2012 13:02

YABVU

Original poster
flowerfairy · 28/10/2012 13:05

Just to add sister had all the attention whlst living at home and am sure i do sound jealous and a brat, which i can assure you i am not! (hands the loaded gun over)! My parent's spent alot of their time running around after my sister here and i do not begrudge my parents going to see my sister in any shape or form. Yes they have had more time to spend with my family since they have gone and know my mum misses them terribly.

THere are other issues some of which i cannot discuss.

You know when you wish you'd not opened your mouth-but that's generally how i am- i don't say how i feel and yes maybe you're right ssd that's why i had come on and feel anonymous and will remember to bottle things up instead!

OP posts:
MissPerception · 28/10/2012 13:06

So, you are angry because you expected your parents to be at your home for xmas day?! It's one day, ever so much like all other 365 days in a year except that people go a bit stupid on that day. You can see them on any other day of the year I assume. You sound rather spoiled and 'precious'

diddl · 28/10/2012 13:06

"I hate the attitude that choosing to emigrate means you must be punished for "leaving everyone behind". "

Well it´s been advantageous for us in that ILs have never visitedBlushGrin

hhhhhhh · 28/10/2012 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FourEyesGhoul · 28/10/2012 13:09

If there are many other issues behind your resentment and anger, then either tell us about them or don't start an AIBU thread. You come across as incredibly self-centred and brattish. If, as you say, you have your own family now, enjoy your Christmas with them and let your parents enjoy a holiday visiting your sister's family!

WofflingOn · 28/10/2012 13:09

You don't need to bottle things up OP, you need to look at situations like an adult and a parent and not like an egocentric teenager.
Your parents should be able to make guilt-free choices now their children are adult, and you need to be more objective.

mutny · 28/10/2012 13:12

Yeah you don't sound jealous at all going on about child care etc.
Your parents have 2 daughters. One in Australia one here. You want Christmas day with your old and parents while dsis doesn't have any grandparents there?
Why? Why does everyone have to be with you? I think 6 months is long enough to go without seeing family.
You sound like a child and your dh sounds like a shit stirrer.

get over it. Your sister is in oz, your parents will visit her. Sometimes at Christmas. If I were them I would stay a good few months.

ArthurFowlersHauntedAllotment · 28/10/2012 13:12

Ehhh, I can understand why they want to be half a planet away...

And why are you 'ranting' about her emigrating in the first place? It's not your business.

YABU

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor · 28/10/2012 13:13

i do not begrudge my parents going to see my sister in any shape or form

Er... yes you do. Its's right there in your thread title and your OP.

diddl · 28/10/2012 13:15

But do you want the running around from your parents that your sister has had?

I guess my sister has had that.

I wouldn´t have wanted it tbh.

As adults, husband & are happy to get on & do things ourselves & not rely on parents.

Flojo1979 · 28/10/2012 13:18

U do sound jealous, maybe your sister did have all the attention, but u got lucky and she buggered off to Oz, now u get all the attention, enjoy.
But don't begrudge you'd parents a holiday, sounds like they need one, with u and your sis still acting like teenagers.

DontmindifIdo · 28/10/2012 13:20

Well, unless the other issues that you don't want to discuss are good enough reasons to expect parents to give up seeing their DD, from what you've said, YABU.

Your sister emigrated, she didn't stop being your Parents' daughter. they must miss her and her DCs. While your parents might have done a lot for your sister when she lived in the UK, she hasn't seen them since August and has been coping not only without family support but in another country she doesn't know.

I assume your parents aren't planning on going every Christmas, so you might find the alternate years at yours and your sisters, that's normal even if both sets of DCs live in the UK.

Why are you ranting about her choice to move to another country? If she's an adult, why not start a new life elsewhere, or do you think if you've accepted family help once you're duty bound to stay close to home? Or is it that you are now well aware that she got help when she needed it when her DCs were young, but will not be the one to help out when your parents are elderly and need help?