MIL deliberately ignoring my wishes..AIBU or is she?!

[havingastress]

Quite prepared to accept it's me who's being unreasonable...

BUT I literally had the biggest stress out yesterday!

Baby due literally ANY minute, am being induced this week. It's her second grandchild.

We found out we were having a girl at the 20 week scan (with hindsight, won't find out again, but there you go!) ...and told parents and inlaws. Her first reaction was...Ooooh great I love all the little pink clothes and outfits you can get.

Now....daft I know..but I BLOODY HATE PALE PINK BABY CLOTHES!!! You know...the whole rows of the stuff in Asda, Next, M+S. it's that insipid pink. Ewww. Anyway, I laughed and told her, Oh god please NO PINK..Honestly, I don't like it and I won't be dressing my daughter in it. Please save your money!! She was categorically told for want of a better way of putting it!

My mum has bought us 5 beautiful outfits for our daughter - each time she phoned before she purchased, described how it looked and asked would I be ok with her buying it.. Totally over the top as it's my mum and I know she has brilliant taste! But I appreciated her respect, and she said she knew from personal experience how annoying it is to receive loads of stuff you don't like because then you feel pressurized into using it because you feel guilty.

MIL turned up yesterday with a bin liner. A bin liner FULL of a mix of second hand clothes, car boot purchases, ebay purchases and some reduced sale stock from Asda and Next. ALL BLOODY PINK. THE WHOLE BLOODY LOT. A ridiculous amount of clothes that I have no idea where to put. She actually said, 'I know you said no pink, but come on, it's a girl, I want her to wear pink'

I was blazing! I feel as though she is deliberately ignoring my wishes, spending money needlessly (which then makes me feel guilty) and forcing HER wishes/beliefs onto me.

I know if I get rid of them to the charity shop/ebay she will open the wardrobe and demand to know where they are. The stuff with tags I took the whole lot back last night and swopped for 9-12months plain babygros etc that will be used and we will be very grateful for.

So...AIBU or is she? And even if it's ME being U, how the hell do I get her to stop buying loads of crap that I don't want?!

Me = meet (doh)

ok not hijacking but want to point something out. I try to get on with mil but she barely speaks unless she has some point to make about my parenting and this was before dd arrived too. She gets stuff other people chuck out and washes and trys to pan it off as new. I said no she did it anyway. Obviously a lot different from the op but the undermining is the same.

OP I also got the "I wont see GC" thing. No one said anything to start that especially as she lived literally round the corner and has made very little attempt to visit.

I agree nip it in the bud now. months back she asked if she could bring a certain gift for DD I said no as its just not sanitary. (like I said before its not just used its been in with a load or rubbish) on a recent rare visit said item was brought and I was asked again. I stood ground and said I said no already so she just went ahead and gave it to DD. I was fuming. NIP IT IN THE BUD NOW.

It might look like alot of stuff but, honestly, while your DD is very small you might be grateful for as many babygrows as you can get and won't be too bothered what colour they are! In fact, thinking of them as "outfits" at this stage is a bit ambitious I think.

I would say don't make an issue of it now. If she continues to ignore your anti-pink stance as your DD gets older then maybe you can try again nicely. She just sounds very excited TBH and I think that is surely better than if she took no interest at all.

You really won't care what colour trousers/babygro your daughter is in when she has shat and puked her way through all the lovely primary coloured ones. You will just be glad you have some clean you can pull out of the drawer.

I really don't think this is something to get 'blazing' mad about. Save your energies for more important stuff!

everlong Oh, I wasn't blazing at all in front of her. I'm a wuss! I don't think she had any idea tbh. I was just rather shellshocked! She also got us a second hand steriliser (again, NO issues with second hand before ANYONE says anything!) BUT she KNEW (because I had told her) that work had bought us a brand new steriliser as a leaving gift. So now I'm also stuck with a steriliser, that she's wasted her money on needlessly. She said, Oh but you can use mine and take the works one back can't you.

I will try to meet her half way ship...but shouldn't she be trying to meet me half way too?

Agree with others who say to pick out a couple of items to wear when she's around and get rid of the rest.

I agree wit you about that pale pink - can't bear it. Fortunately our wishes were (for the most part) respected. We had lots of lovely girl things in purple, brown, red and the odd thing in a strong pink.

I think it would be a good idea to make a plan with your dh for all visitors just after your dd is born, then put him in charge of marshalling.

Limit visitors to two or three at a time. Limit visits to one or two hours (whatever suits you best). Don't allow people in if they 'just pop by'. Get dh to answer the door, accept any gifts with thanks and tell them that mum and baby are both resting and can't be disturbed right now.

Take control and enjoy those precious first few days with your newborn. It would be a shame to spoil it with visitors overstaying their welcome.

Offer to keep the second serialised at her you for when you visit!!

Yes she should meet you half way too. What does your dh say??

Accept them graciously, say "thank you very much". Let the baby wear them on outings to MIL's house or keep them as spares in case of nappy explosions or projectile vomiting incidents and put her in the stuff that you like the rest of the time.

I'm not too bothered by pink, TBH. It's just a colour! You'll probably receive a lot more pink from other well meaning friends and family when she is born because there is not that much choice very often.

you do sound a bit mad... which is understandable given your stage of pregnancy

its great shes so excited about the baby, be grateful for that as you may need her help in the future. as for the clothes so bloody what? dont overthink it, and fgs dont post on mumsnet about it, save your energy! say thank you, keep or change what you want and put the rest in a drawer and forget about it!

the coming to stay thing is something to get wound up over, not the clothes. you and dh can tell her politely that although you are grateful for her offer of help she will not be able to stay for four days. end of.

when and if you have a second dc you will cringe at this thread

Oh. Might help to explain that we live in a very small flat! There really isn't room to store lots of things as it is.

marzipan VERY fair point. You're right. I shall take a chill pill. I know I overreacted! :)

I can totally understand the pink thing. Some guy i know demanded that if he had a girl it had to be dressed in pink all the time & blue if it was a boy. I mean no other colour was allowed because girls only wear pink & boys only wear blue

Bloody auto correct!!

Steriliser

Just pop them in the cupboard, and use them if they are needed. (Even if they won't fit at the right season - you might use them for a holiday, or your baby may not be a "standard" size.) You can get rid of them as soon as your baby outgrows them, even if they haven't been worn.

Perhaps put them on her when your MIL is coming and say, "We put this on especially because we knew you would be here."

People do tend to buy more for a first child, and when they are new born, so it's really not likely to be an issue after the first year.

ShipwreckedAndComatose why is it that DILs shouldrespect MILs feelings but the opposite way round isn't expected? Do you feel we should automatically respect the older person whatever they say? I do wonder about this. I would never, ever, say the sort of things or express the kinds of opinions to my MIL that she has to me (and she is a nice person, just unable to let an argument drop and gets carried away).

Get the vacum bag things, that way you can store clothes which are to big at the moment using as little space as possible. They were a godsend when DS was little!

As for the staying for 4 days after you have given birth, that IS something you need to stand your ground on if you are not happy with it! Although as an afterthought wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to clean your house, cook your dinner, do the washing and clean the vomit off the floor whilst you spend quality time in bed with YOUR baby?

Phone, are you reading my posts??
I actually did say that mil should meet her half way too!

I admit my auto correct is making my posts tricky to read, but still

whooooo(howmanymore)ooooooooosualsuspect

Because if they weren't they would have to find something else to show how ''right on'' they are, girls aren't pink and boy's aren't blue but people miss the point that children should be able to choose from any colour and that includes pink and blue.

Woman in John Lewis the other day with her daughter
''You want this one''
''no mummy, pink one''
''no, blue one''
''no mumm, i want this pink one, please mummy i want the pink''
''no,pink is not only for girls you can have whichever colour you like''
''pink''
''no, the blue one is lovely''

Me and DP were giggling with DS playing with his pink doll, the one he chose i would have bought the blue spider or dino if he wanted it.

People are strange.

Say thank you and put them away, your DD will gave grown out if them soon enough anyway. You never know, your DD might have horrific reflux and gave about 20 out fit changes a day and the pink tat might come in useful.

owedto the cupboards are already full! Tiny flat.

I bought a huge bundle of second hand baby vests and baby gros off ebay ready for the 0-3 months stage. About 30+ of each for a tenner (was a bargain!) Hence, the drawers are full, cupboards full etc.

Hence, why I guess I stressed about being handed a huge bin liner yesterday!!!

I'm wearing a pink cardigan today, I'm not a surrendered wife or anything though.

Unfortunately, you are going to find that as your dd grows up unless you are prepared to pay ridiculous amounts that girls clothes will be pink or denium and have sequins all over them or inappropriate words or phrases.

Your mil is trying to be helpful by providing you with clothes for your child and like previous posters have said, you will be grateful for the spare items when you child has soiled the sixth outfit of the day.

Sorry to say you just appear to be ungrateful.