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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU (or juat old fashioned) to think it strange that parents allow this?

133 replies

cinnamonnut · 26/10/2012 21:17

Had dinner in a nice hotel and a couple with two sons sat near us. Through most of the evening, dinner and all, one of the boys had those clunky beats by dr dre headphones glued to his ears. He was old enough to be able to concentrate at a nice dinner for a little while.

AIBU to think it's a shame that people seem to ignore the world and what's going on around them - and to also find it rude? I'm under 21, not sure if I'm being overly old fashioned...

OP posts:
Gooeyhead · 26/10/2012 22:13

They do look hideous but at least you can see them unlike the in-the-ear ones and you don't end up trying to have a conversation with someone who can't hear you talking... I was on (a packed) train once and (unknown) person opposite me started talking... I started replying until I realised they were on their hands-free!!!! BlushBlush

Original poster
cinnamonnut · 26/10/2012 22:18

Okay, probably IABU to talk about this specific case, but in general I think it's a shame that people are often so wrapped up in technology and can't have a conversation.

OP posts:
ProcrastinatingPanda · 26/10/2012 22:24

I agree that technology has taken over quite a bit, I often have to remind DP that he's with company when he zones in on his phone. But I'd be heartbroken to know that people were judging DS for wearing headphones or playing on his iPad/iPod when we're out, so I try not to judge people if I don't know their situation.

isw · 26/10/2012 22:33

Procrastingpanda. I was sighing because what could have been an interesting debate about how technology is changing or something along those lines seemed like it was turning into another thread where everyone was saying it ok to do that if you have a SN but otherwise it is wrong. Does that make any sense?

ProcrastinatingPanda · 26/10/2012 22:48

The OP was judging someone despite knowing nothing about their situation, why shouldn't those with SN or parents of children with SN defend the use of technology to help cope in certain situations? It is entirely relevant to the debate, what is one persons display of bad manners is another's lifeline to coping in social situations and that point should be raised without people sighing.

thekidsrule · 26/10/2012 23:02

isw couldnt agree more

MrsKeithRichards · 26/10/2012 23:09

On holiday when we eat out every night I let ds play his ds after the meal.

On our last holiday dh had to ask the couple next to us to turn the volume on their child's laptop down. They just came in, sat down and put on some film for the girl. It was blaring. Headphones would have been preferable!

wasuup3000 · 26/10/2012 23:17

So the kid wore headphones who gives a damn......

isw · 26/10/2012 23:22

I am not having a go prostratingpanda I just get sick sometimes of the stereotypical mn response "they could have had SN" rather than discussing the wider topic. Or saying it suits some families but not others and what you think you think is reasonable and why. I think using the term SN all the time leads to more discrimination and separating of the SN world with the non SN world.

Lueji · 26/10/2012 23:24

I would never allow DS.

He's 7.

IneedAsockamnesty · 26/10/2012 23:25

my 2nd youngest wears full headphones when ever he is in public it keeps the noise out so he can actually function with out rocking

IneedAsockamnesty · 26/10/2012 23:28

oh fucking hell. just fucking hell.

that is all i have to say about that [hgrin]

wasuup3000 · 26/10/2012 23:30

Aww poor isw I take it you live in the perfect non sen world...aww well the kid might have had Autism or some other diagnosis or he might have been at the usual kevin type age were the best way for a relaxing meal can sometimes mean letting a child that age chill and wear headphones if they want. Either way the op is being a really judgy pants without knowing the facts and even if they knew the facts it is none of their business.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 26/10/2012 23:34

Why shouldn't people say 'He might have SN'? It is relevant. It is a well known coping mechanism for people with some kinds of SN. Why should we all just assume he was rude or his parents have brought him up badly or whatever... IF you want a thread that excludes the discussion you should say so...and be prepared to be told to piss off if you accept one reason could be he has SN, then why not put that in your OP. I guess you were just too busy pulling up your enormous judgey pants Hmm

StarlightMcKenzie · 26/10/2012 23:38

'one point and seemed perfectly fine'

So what are children with SN supposed to 'seem' like if not this lad?

ProcrastinatingPanda · 26/10/2012 23:38

But it is relavant to the wider topic. You mentioned that there could have 'been an interesting debate about how technology is changing or something along those lines' but the fact that someone with ASD, OCD, ADHD, etc can successfully be in a social situation thanks to 'changing technology' was greeted by sighs from you and comments about you being sick of it being mentioned Hmm

bialystockandbloom · 27/10/2012 00:28

I am not having a go prostratingpanda I just get sick sometimes of the stereotypical mn response "they could have had SN" rather than discussing the wider topic.

If you or anyone else wanted to discuss the 'wider topic', why not start a thread "headphones at dinner, yay or nay?"

The fact that it obviously didn't even occur to the OP that this child quite bloody obviously had SN is the point. The OP started a discussion about a specific incident without pausing to think for even a second. The the "stereotypical mn response" was simply to point out that there was very likely to be a good reason for the headphones.

MyCannyBairn · 27/10/2012 00:43

Yabvu, and a bit odd for giving a shit imho.

AuscreemaAscare · 27/10/2012 01:05

YABU for making me feel old. Those chunky Dr Dre headphones were the ones you know Grin

In fact my parents were on the cutting edge of technology and had some like this which would connect to their stereo and would be used to listen to long-playing records.

They are a bit anti-social in general, but technology has been a godsend for my autistic and hypersensitive five old. It also saves my sanity in the car when tweenage DD is plugged-in and mercifully silent for a minute or so.

stella1w · 27/10/2012 01:23

Sn or no sn, everyone had peaceful meal so why u care?

SophiesMummySaid · 27/10/2012 01:50

The reason "he may have had ASD" is so pertinet to this OP is that, as many previous posters have said, wearing headphones is a common way of coping wth being in busy, social environment for many with ASD.

How likely is it that you would encounter someone with ASD in a restaurant as a casual observer? Quite likely, seeing as estimates for the prevalence of ASD are higher than 1:100 now.

Do you know what I think is rude? People tutting and eyerolling during a civilised conversation.......unless, of course, they have SN Wink

DeeMonic · 27/10/2012 09:30

I just popped back to say that I wasn't having a go at you, OP, I was trying to say that there are sometimes reasons we don't consider when we view a situation.

If the boy didn't have special needs then yes, it was very rude, and it certainly wouldn't be something that I would allow.

But as we don't know either way, it's hard to make a reasoned analysis of the situation.

Morloth · 27/10/2012 10:03

Why does it make any difference whatsoever to anyone not in this kid's family whether he had head phones on or not?

Would I allow my kids to wear headphones at the dinner table? Nope. Do I give even the slightest damn that I can see someone wearing headphones when I am eating dinner? Nope.

Whether he had SN or not is completely irrelevant as it just wasn't your business. His wearing headphones had zero impact on your meal, surely?

LucieMay · 27/10/2012 11:15

I can't believe you pay so much attention to other diners! I don't really notice what other people are doing when I'm out eating, as long as they're not disruptive.

Birdsgottafly · 27/10/2012 11:42

"If you or anyone else wanted to discuss the 'wider topic', why not start a thread "headphones at dinner, yay or nay?"

I totally agree with this.

If the OP and others wanted a debate then calling some parents who allow this (with good reason) "Strange" was out of order.

It is bad enough that other children barring my SN DD are called 'normal', now i'm "strange" for allowing something that lets us take part fully in society.

It is rude to note the behaviour of others that is having no ill effect on your own meal.

It is on't rude if those at the same table as that person objects. We don't have to behave in a way that suits everyone in the room in which we are in, which would be impossible.