AIBU (or juat old fashioned) to think it strange that parents allow this?

[cinnamonnut]

Had dinner in a nice hotel and a couple with two sons sat near us. Through most of the evening, dinner and all, one of the boys had those clunky beats by dr dre headphones glued to his ears. He was old enough to be able to concentrate at a nice dinner for a little while.

AIBU to think it's a shame that people seem to ignore the world and what's going on around them - and to also find it rude? I'm under 21, not sure if I'm being overly old fashioned...

Another person agreeing with the SN suggestion - I have a friend whose son has severe asd and the only way he copes when out in public places is with headphones.

Yep id say possibly ASD too.

Ipod and headphones are a must on a trip out.

Ah yes that comment confused me too

SN is obviously different. Sigh
In general I would object to headphones at dinner it's v bad manners.

Helps block out noises that can be uncomfortable.

Is also good for stopping unsolicited conversation too!

bbcessex, I don't think it was mocking people with SN. Just that, MN tends to help folk look at things from other perspectives and this was a good example of that.

The lad might have SN, or he might be rude. Ultimately, what business is it of ours?

I will happily hoik up my judgey pants for other scenarios though

bbcessex he had the headphones off for a bit at one point and seemed perfectly fine, having conversations with his brother and parents.

crackcrack but those with SN tend not to wear convenient labels letting everyone know they have SN so you wouldn't be able to tell if what you were seeing was a person struggling to cope in a social situation or someone lacking in manners.

I would say that headphones in a restaurant would be unusual for most families... that's why if I noticed a family where one of the children / party did have headphones on, I would assume (rightly or wrongly) that it was for a more significant purpose.

bbcessex maybe it is an in joke, but she wasn't mocking children/people with special needs. You can just guarantee that a few people on these type of threads will say "but what if they had special needs?".

OP, I agree. Unless somebody has special needs, then no, all electronic devices, IMO, shouldn't be used during a meal. Check for a text/message every half hour if you really need to, but just surfing/listening to music is plain rude!

The ipod has been a total lifesaver for us. It stops him from fighting with ds2, endlessly arguing, being silly, being irritable and restless and generally ruining our trips out.

cinna I actually burst out laughing there at your last comment! Just because he has SN doesn't mean he isn't able to take 10 minutes without his headphones to talk to his family.

I used to be very anti this but recently we have been travelling a lot and it is so much easier sometimes let dd (4) watch her programs or play her game and dp and I can chat about what we want to for a while. We spend loads of time engaging with her etc, she knows how to behave when out but sometimes it nice to be able to have a grown up conversation too. I do however draw the line at actually have ear phones on while eating :)

Just because somebody seems perfectly fine doesn't necessarily mean they are though cinnamonnut. ds1 takes his headphones off and chats 'normally' for a while before retreating back into his electronic world. If I was to remove them completely though, he'd be a nightmare and cause a great deal of stress.

Cross post with loads of people and sigh it's turned into another mn SN debate

cinnamonut
Do you think your dinner companion has posted a thread "is it rude for my dinner partner to spend more time noticing diners at other tables than she does talking to me"?

My friends DS doesn't have SN but he always has his ipod on (age 4). People can just be unsociable without having SN.

isw what do you mean by this comment: sigh it's turned into another mn SN debate

for the record, I'd be more than okay with my youngest child using an Ipad / DS during a meal if it meant that the rest of the table could sit for longer and enjoy the evening. Its great for children to learn social skills, and mine have., but they do have a shorter attention span and don't want to sit for long periods whilst others chat etc.

That said - I probably wouldn't be keen on headphones (not sure why) which is why I guess I would probably assume someone who did have headphones on was using them for different reasons.

Nope, bbcessex - the subject of the actual brand of headphones he was wearing came up, because we were talking about my companion's son's request for some for Christmas.

Anyway, wasn't expecting this to turn into a special needs debate. Totally accept that there are some cases like that.
Was merely using an example to demonstrate that I think it's a shame that so many people (NT ones) shut themselves away from the world like that - with all electronics. To be honest, we could explain almost anything on mumsnet away by saying 'what if he/she was SN'.

Do you think he had the music playing? Was he interacting with the rest of the during the meal? Only asking coz they are seen as a "fashion accessory" hideous I know but "they're all wearing them" - i'm so down with the kids

For the record even as a fashion accessory I think they should be removed to eat!!!

And I wouldn't be too worried about a younger child playing with something or reading during a long dinner either, especially if it was one with friends of parents that would be particularly boring for them. It's just that headphones seem a much more antisocial option (for NT people.)

YANBU
iPods waiting for food Ok with just us, but not headphones. DD2 I'm looking at you.

My 14y is capable of chattering, but DD2(11) thinks adults are dull.

Gooeyhead, he talked for a bit when he had them round his neck and probably did a bit when he had them on (I wasn't watching his every move ) .

I doubt I'd have noticed if they were small in-ear headphones, but they were those big ugly ones that teenage boys like to have slung round their necks all the time