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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want CM to take DS to cinema?

62 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/10/2012 13:13

DS is 21 months. Really happy and settled with CM, goes twice a week.

There have been a few instances in the past that I have had to unclench turn a blind eye to. Mainly surrounding nutrition. For example, she took DS (at 14mo) to the park and gave him chips and ice cream for lunch. Also, recently she took him to McDonalds - but seen as I was seriously ill in hospital at the time, and she was really helping out, I ignored it. I do not mean to infer he eats only home cooked organic goodness at home but I still think he's a bit young for too much shit food.

Anyway, part of my issue was that I wanted to be the first to take him to McD (I know, ridiculous) and first to give him chips etc! Now CM has told me that seen as he is the only young one she has one day next week she is taking him to the cinema with some of her older DC. They are seeing Ice Age I think. I'm uncomfortable with it. Mainly I wanted to take him for the first time and also I think he's a bit young? She said "oh I'll take plenty of snacks to keep him entertained". Sigh.
In addition, he'd only just had his grommets in after being severly hearing impaired for 10 months+ and I'm slightly worried it'll be overwhelming.

I'm aware I sound pfb

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 26/10/2012 13:16

I don't think it's pfb at all. It can be noisy and scary if you don't know what is happening. I know as I fled from Snow-White when I was 4...

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/10/2012 13:18

I am a CM and you are def not being PFB. It is inappropriate for a 21 month old to go to movies. I would ask her not to do so.

If you are not satisfied with how she is caring for him then consider alternate care.

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/10/2012 13:19

If I say I don't want him to go I feel like I'm depriving the older children. I may just keep him home that day.

OP posts:
Vajazzler · 26/10/2012 13:20

I would say something about it if it was troubling me. Especially with the hearing issue. Is she taking older minded children or just her own dc? Because if i was paying someone to care for my son then i would expect his needs to be considered more than her wanting to take her own dc's out for something that could be done out of working hours

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 26/10/2012 13:21

I don't think yabu to ask her to not take your ds to the cinema as its a 'first' experience. But she does gave other dc to look after too.

Personally I think I'd find another cm who's happy to follow what you ask.

The chips and ice cream wouldn't have done him any harm, but it sounds like 'unhealthy' food is a regular occurance. Although I'm not an 'organic, whole goodness' type mum, she doesn't sound like she's doing what you want.

FreddyMcKruger · 26/10/2012 13:21

I'm on DC3 and I don't think you are being pfb. I wouldn't be happy with the McD's or the cinema trip. I think seeing as you are paying her you must lay down the law.

I'm not anti McDonalds BTW, we had breakfast there yesterday as it was the first day of half term and 22mo DD wolfed down a plate of pancakes, but I wouldn't want anyone else filling her with junk iykwim.

DeputyChiefJohnson · 26/10/2012 13:21

Cinemas are ridiculously loud and totally unsuitable for a baby.

Startailoforangeandgold · 26/10/2012 13:22

I think you are being a bit PFB.
Having school aged DCs and smaller ones all day must be very different to a hour or two after school.

There are only so many times you can go the park (weather permitting).

A CM can't resort to swimming as a group of mums can. (the supervision no. are too tight unless the older ones are 8).

The cinema seems a nice compromise.

5Foot5 · 26/10/2012 13:22

DD was turned 3 the first time I took her to the cinema (Bugs Life) but she still found it a bit overwhelming and needed to sit on my knee the whole time. I think 21 months is a bit too young.

Re; the junk food - if they were just one-offs I don't think there is anything to get too worked up about.

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/10/2012 13:22

The thing is I feel a prize twat because when she told me I was all "oh right, lovely" and it's only since I've thought about it that I feel uncomfortable. I would find it hard to say anything now.
I need to man up....

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 26/10/2012 13:23

YANBU - esp with his hearing problems.....cinemas are really loud and really, he is too young to appreciate it and get anything out of it.

Keep him at home if you can but make sure you tell her why.....i am amazed anyone would want to take a 21month old the the cinema anyway, as if they are going to sit nicely and watch a film.

Startailoforangeandgold · 26/10/2012 13:24

21 months is not a baby, by that age DD1 was running be ragged climbing everything in sight. Especially anything not in the totter area of the park.

PedanticPanda · 26/10/2012 13:24

I think you're being incredibly pfb, I'd avoid saying you don't want him to go because you think he's too young (my son was going to the cinema at 21 months and loved it), but instead say you wanted to be the first one to take him.

Perhaps you could give her a big list of everything you don't want her to do with him or give him to eat or drink as you want to be the first one to do it...?

Startailoforangeandgold · 26/10/2012 13:24

Toddler

WileyRoadRunner · 26/10/2012 13:25

YANBU at all.

Although we are lucky enough to have a cinema in our village that is independent and they turn the volume down for kids club movies. However I expect this is rare and I know my children (who are much older) do not like the volume in the Odeons/Cineworlds etc.

I think part of the problem with your CM is that you feel you are missing out .... Would this change with a different childminder? Or do you think it's something you need to work out?

PedanticPanda · 26/10/2012 13:25

betty my son sat nice and enjoyed the films.

MerylStrop · 26/10/2012 13:26

I'd be fine with the cinema, dependent on the film. I've often taken each of my three, from a much younger age. They have all loved it, or fallen asleep. True we usually go to the local fleapit where the sound level is rubbish and the arthouse one where its all v kid considerate and not noisy like the multiplexes.

MacDonalds would be a no from me, though. Ok once. More than that not.

CappuccinoCarrie · 26/10/2012 13:26

You know your child, some children are fine in the cinema and love the whole experience, others are not. Mine would hate it; too loud, too scary, wouldn't understand what was going on. I'm surprised at her wanting to take him since if he's unhappy she'd presumably have to leave her other mindees in there alone to take him out? I wouldn't use the 'I wanted to be the first to take him' argument, I would say that you're paying her to look after your DC, and you don't think the cinema is a suitable place for 21mo.

WileyRoadRunner · 26/10/2012 13:26

Oh we'll pedantic if only all our children were as perfect Hmm

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 26/10/2012 13:27

I tool my son when he was about 2 1/2 (the first ice age I think)....he sat still and was enthralled for ooooh about ten minutes and then the novel wore off and he was asking when we were going home.

Come on,.......most 21 months old would not sit still through a whole film.

CappuccinoCarrie · 26/10/2012 13:28

See how pedanticpanda and I have given you totally opposite advice, ah the joys of MN Grin

nokidshere · 26/10/2012 13:31

As a childminder I would be mortified to think that "my parents" couldn;t speak to me about issues they have.

Ask you minder if its possible to change the day - either of the cinema visit or your childs booked hours. Please be honest and tell her why.

I would never take the children out to eat without first asking the parents permission, nor do I tell the children we are going somewhere unless I already have that permission from all of the parents. But I must admit to laughing when I read your "I wanted to be the first to take him to maccy d's and have chips" like it was some big right of passage ;)

Talk to her, she will be fine and you will be happier.

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/10/2012 13:32

It's difficult to predict how he'd be as he's very different in character with the CM - much less shy.
And if he was upset I'm sure her giving him loads of the snacks she mentioned would placate him.

OP posts:
Levantine · 26/10/2012 13:32

I was all prepared to say you were being precious but yanbu, the cinema is no good for a child that age. I have a two year old son and there is no way he could sit through a film, even though my five year old would love to go to the cinema.

The food wouldn't bother me if it were a one off but it sounds a bit as if your cm isn't really taking the needs of a 21 month old all that seriously

SwitchedtoEatingCheese · 26/10/2012 13:33

I think YABU.

Its too cold to stay outside for long and there are limited inside places to entertain kids of different ages.

If they are seeing Ice Age its probably the kids club so it won't be that loud and if he doesn't sit great it doesn't matter as much.