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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want CM to take DS to cinema?

62 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/10/2012 13:13

DS is 21 months. Really happy and settled with CM, goes twice a week.

There have been a few instances in the past that I have had to unclench turn a blind eye to. Mainly surrounding nutrition. For example, she took DS (at 14mo) to the park and gave him chips and ice cream for lunch. Also, recently she took him to McDonalds - but seen as I was seriously ill in hospital at the time, and she was really helping out, I ignored it. I do not mean to infer he eats only home cooked organic goodness at home but I still think he's a bit young for too much shit food.

Anyway, part of my issue was that I wanted to be the first to take him to McD (I know, ridiculous) and first to give him chips etc! Now CM has told me that seen as he is the only young one she has one day next week she is taking him to the cinema with some of her older DC. They are seeing Ice Age I think. I'm uncomfortable with it. Mainly I wanted to take him for the first time and also I think he's a bit young? She said "oh I'll take plenty of snacks to keep him entertained". Sigh.
In addition, he'd only just had his grommets in after being severly hearing impaired for 10 months+ and I'm slightly worried it'll be overwhelming.

I'm aware I sound pfb

OP posts:

socharlotte · 27/10/2012 20:28

Dozer- he is not the only mindee, he is the only 'younger' mindee.
OP YABU If you use childcare then some of the 'first times' are going to be with someone else.
Secondly you are using a childminding business.She has to run the setting as she sees fit balancing the needs of all the children.If you want to dictate what happens then you need a nanny or au pair whio is in your employ.

pigletmania · 27/10/2012 20:32

YANBU the cinema is not really the right place for a toddler, I would say to her tat you are not happy.

Dozer · 27/10/2012 20:33

Oh OK socharlotte, older mindees complicates things a little, but still don't think cinema is a good activity for an under-two.

The OP may well prefer a nanny, but the vast majority of people simply can't afford that, and the OP seems to have made quite big compromises (eg on food/unlimited biscuits).

Dozer · 27/10/2012 20:33

Au pairs not allowed for under-twos.

coldcupoftea · 27/10/2012 20:41

What would worry me is what does she plan to do if he either gets upset or gets bored and starts whinging? How old are the other mindees, would she be able to take him out and leave them in there? If I was their parents I wouldn't be happy with that. It sounds like she hasn't thought it through.

There are loads of more suitable activities to entertain kids of different ages- bowling, soft play, museums, library, or she could let the older kids choose a film to rent and have a cinema afternoon with popcorn at home.

Also, I am usually very laid back when it comes to food, but I would not be happy with free access to the biscuit tin, or chips on a regular basis.

coldcupoftea · 27/10/2012 20:43

Just noticed she only has him 2 days a week- in that case there is NO reason she can't take the older kids to the cinema on a different day, and do something more toddler friendly on the days she has your DS!

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 27/10/2012 20:48

Thank you all. When it boiled down to it, whether pfb or not I felt the cinema was a compromise too far. I know no-one will believe me but the main reason is I think he'll be overwhelmed by the noise and I don't want him pacified with a belly full of biscuits. The wanting to do firsts thing doesn't bother me THAT much. After seeing DS jump out of his skin at the oven timer going off today bothers me though.... It's also not a children's viewing.
I have explained to CM that I'm worried about the noise but I didn't want her older mindees to miss out. So he's going on a different day instead. Just lucky I can manage that this week I guess.

OP posts:

nailak · 27/10/2012 20:52

i took my 2, 3 and 4 year olds with children's centre to cinema, two year old was fine, jumped around a bit in the middle but was a kids film so no one minded. 3 year old wasn't impressed said she didnt want to go back, although she sat through it.

MagicHouse · 27/10/2012 21:56

Well I think that was very kind of you to swap days so she could take the others. Sounds like you do have niggling worries about his care with her. I would listen to your instincts and keep an eye on things. Imo, you need to feel completely secure with your CM and her parenting style for it to work (for all of you.) Good luck :-)

3bunnies · 27/10/2012 22:05

Ah my son was about 20 months when we went to see Tangled with dd1+2: he sat through all of it without a murmur, then when the credits rolled he stood up, clapped and shouted 'again, again'. Will be reminding him of that when he is watching 'die even harder 37' with his teenage mates.

Children of that age can and do enjoy the cinema, but with the grommets and with it being without you it might be better to keep him off.

WilsonFrickett · 27/10/2012 23:31

You are absolutely right about the cinema. My DS finds the sound levels completely overwhelming - he is merely sensitive to noise. Your DS would find it really hard if hes just had his grommets in. Top tip actually - the loudest part of a cinema showing is the ads beforehand, when you eventually do take him hang back a bit and slip in just before the movie starts.

DozeyRose · 27/10/2012 23:57

Firstly, if your main issue was about doing 'firsts' then I think you will have to get your head around the fact that if you are using childcare, you may not have all those opportunities sadly. Lots of child carers see children's first steps, tooth etc.. Thoughtful child carers will probably not inform parents, and let them discover for themselves. But, in regards of outings and new foods, it's a bit unreasonable to expect the childminder to avoid these to accommodate your feelings? You are however more than within your rights to ask her not to give your child unhealthy food. What was in the contract regarding food? Also, you can;t expect her not to provide such food for her other children but how would you feel if your child felt a little left out, say, if they were all heading to McDonalds for a 'treat'.

Secondly, Childminders are self employed and can plan their day as they wish to. They cannot do something just to please one parent, as they may have other parents too, which can become complicated if they are being asked to do different things. But, childminders have to risk assess, and I would imagine that given your child's recent operation, the cinema would be a potential 'risk' therefore not ideal. In this case, for that reason alone, she should make other plans.

Some people mention 'how will the childminder cope if the little one gets restless or cries?' You must remember, this is a childminders profession and they will have experience and techniques. Most childminders have the ability to multi task, pacify and accommodate the needs of every child they mind. You have to prove this to Ofsted from the onset of childminding.

My personal opinion is that in general it does no harm to let younger children go to the cinema. I've done it with my own children as well as mindees. But, if I had a mindee that had just had an op such as your child, I would definitely not go..

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