To not get why a vaginal birth is so important to some people?

[Liketochat1]

Some mothers talk of the trauma and disappointment of not giving birth vaginally. Some say they don't feel like a proper woman or that their body failed them. For many this sounds very traumatic, for others moaning.
AIBU to not 'get' why this is so important to them? I've had 2 c sections and was only intensely grateful that I live in a country and in an age where there are gifted surgeons and resources available to perform these life saving operations. In other parts of the world women are dying in childbirth as they don't have access to these.
Am I so unreasonable to think this?

It is certainly easier and nicer not to have major surgery. I was happy with 5 vaginal births. Also there is a lot we do not know yet. Eg only recently did they find out that the good bacteria you get going through your mother's passages etc protects the baby - you don't get that protection via a C section birth.

I still suffer from my full episiotomy, botch stitches, infection and damage that resulted - my 2 section scars never bothered me - I sobbed with pain for the first 7 days after my 'wonderful' VBAC

My episiotomy was botched too and got infected gordy :(

It was horrendous and I got worse -anal fissure--

A year on and things are still not right :(

Xenia - of course it's easier and nicer not to have surgery, but you can only ever know after the event whether the vaginal birth will go without any issues.

Major surgery in a non-emergency situation is certainly nicer than in an emergency situation.

I'm not saying that to mean that CS is always better, just that it's not possible to choose to have a nice easy VB, and not even possible to predict.

Birth has to work for you. It is such a personal thing and everyone has an opinion. Also, you have to kind of go with what happens at the time and that becomes your experience. I had one of each but my vaginal delivery was very traumatic and ended in a later hysterectomy and immediate double incontinence and prolapse. My c sec birth was fabulous and I actually loved it, organized, controlled and safe. Hindsight is handy this side of it, but at the time this is how things went. Good luck and go with it and try to input on the bits you can, afterall it's only a day and it is a long and distant memory after a while....promise. Ps you are just as likely to have incontinence after 3 c sections as you are after 3 vaginal births, but less that that vaginal potentially may cause more damage. Keep doing those pf exercises!!!

Mignonette no one who has been pregnant has a 'pristine' pelvic floor, how strange to mention that after African fistula operations???

WW, yes I agree and no one should feel guilty about the birth they had. However on balance most women do want to try a vaginal birth and most manage one and that is usually for the best for them.

The suggestion most should opt for C sections is (a) something the NHS cannot afford and (b) is not in any sense "easier".

I've had 5 vaginal births and no incontinence of any kind at all.

If Xenia had incontinence, she'd take her pelvic floor to a tribunal

Childbirth is certainly a big killer of women and we are lucky to have the intervention we do have but I think it would be sad if young women were put off vaginal births because they are convinced C section is always better.

Xenia I think you're right there, and the only thing that put me off was my failed first attempt.

It made and makes me angry though, that I was so scared by all the Natural Birth guff I've been reading, that I refused pain relief when I was in agony, because I was terrified of the cascade of intervention.

It made me angry when I was told (in real life), that I really should try a VB next time, so I know what it's like. I mean WTF?

Aiming for an intervention free VB is absolutely fine and a good thing, but that shouldn't mean raising false expectations, which result in pressure on women, who then end up feeling inadequate because they haven't "achieved" the pain and tear free whalesong waterbirth they've been promised.

widowwadman I agree.

Both my births were traumatic experiences, one vb, one emergency section.
The reason my vb was so traumatic was because I had gone into the labour room armed with my calming cd, tens machine and gym ball only to end up strapped up to a monitor and not allowed to move, then basically told I was to have an epidural because baby was in distress etc etc. When my baby was eventually born he wasn't breathing and I thought he was dead.

I really wish I had been armed with information on the various pain relief methods and why an induction and / epidural may be needed, instead of all the natural birth crap that didn't do anything to help. To pick up on a point made earlier, I didn't feel in this instance that 'I did' a vaginal birth. It was 'done to me'.

Although my emergency section was grim as had a general anaesthetic, as soon as I woke up baby was there and I didn't have that panic that something was wrong with him.

What I meant earlier by who knows or cares how their mothers laboured obviously came out wrong, I am not always good at explaining things. Let me try again.

How many of you were affected either positively or negatively by your mothers experience of childbirth and do you think this has made a impact on your life?

and / or

Giving birth is a means to an end. Who the hell cares how we do it, lets just hope for a healthy baby and Mum at the end of it.

I had two vaginal births, and then a c-section that I asked for myself. I don't feel the birth of my third child was any less amazing, and I certianly don't feel I 'failed'.

I'm lucky enough to be a Mum to three beautiful children, who I love with all my heart. That's what matters.

I'd like to say also, that what is a good reason to elect a c-section for one person, may not be a good enough reason for another- each to there own.

fluffypillow

Thats what I have been trying to say, it is just a means to an end.

Despite my horrid birth experiences I would have another child whichever way it ends up coming out.

My reason for not wanting another lies with my shitty mental health.

Oh Catgirl - it's horrible :( I hope things get sorted for you soon x

"Cory - in the 1950's average family size was much higher than it is now. It was before the days of the pill. It was during the time of unsafe abortion. "

Condoms and coils were available and had been for a long time. And a doctor could advise against marital intercourse altogether if it was likely to put the wife's life at risk. Of course, not all husbands would listen- but some would. (I am sure that someone like my father would not have insisted on his marital rights if he had been told it would kill his wife.) I know of several families who planned the number of children in the 50s.

LadyFlump I bet your next birth will be so much easier, second births usually are. They are faster and easier. Try not to worry and focus on the fact that as a second-timer you know far more and your body has done it all before. Best of luck x

its important to me because they dont do csections at home ;)

I had an ELCS with my twins, if I'm honest, only because I was really worried something would go wrong and I wanted to control the variables as much as possible. I did feel I might have missed out, but feel fine a year down the line. Especially when the nurse complimented me on my 'untouched cervix' last time I had a smear!

Cory - not sure what 50's you're on about but the lower classes didn't have the means to plan ahead. And by this time a lot ffamilies already had lots of children...

I'm fact it was 1961 in which the pill became available for all.

Panda as it was me who replied to your post about knowing about our mothers births, I'll take this one too:

My mum had 4 CS, the first two of us were emergency then the others were elective- she had planned a VBAC for number 2, me, but I was in distress when she was labouring and I had to be out asap. She didn't get to see number 1 for 8 hours after the birth and me for 12 hours after, and still feels very upset by this. Sometimes she cries when she talks about it, and this was 29 and 28 years ago. I don't feel affected by it personally, she and I are close so from my end I don't think it affected our bond. But it makes me sad that it makes her sad, so I guess that's the impact it had. And I'm pleased she got to meet numbers 3 and 4 as soon as they were lifted out- having given birth myself now, I understand her feelings better. Yes, she's grateful for the medical care she and we got, especially as numbers 1 and 2 wouldn't have survived without it. She just wishes she'd been able to meet us more quickly. And that absolutely matters, a lot. Her experiences and views did influence me in that I wanted to avoid a CS if possible, though of course would have had one if it were needed.

This is not to say that all CS experiences are like that. Indeed, of 8 of us from my NCT group (all first timers) the one who seems to have had the 'easiest' time and quickest recovery had an elective CS. In my limited experience, it seems that an elective CS may well be quicker to recover from than a difficult VB.

Most women don't have or need C sections. I don't think for most of us a C section is the less worst option. It comes with complications. It takes longer to recover after too. I am not in any sense against C sections but they are not something I would like most teenage girls to assume is going to be best and easiest for them.

(Many families were planned in the 50s. My parents were married nearly 10 years befoer having me as they wanted to work, one to qualify as a doctor, buy a house, be able to afford school fees before they launched into children).

I would kill for a c-section. The experience of a VB aftermath is bloody awful! My midwife for second birth (impending - 3 weeks to go) told me that women recover faster, feel better earlier etc.... she's never had a baby and has NO IDEA how lucky women with c-sections are. I know that the pain can be bad and lifting/driving walking up and down stairs very painful (I had an ectopic pregnancy and is was like a c-section) - however, knowing what I know, I'd much rather a c-section than crying every time I went to the toilet (no.1 and no.2) for the next 4 weeks.

Faylalu Have you had a CS? I did, wouldn't consider myself lucky whatsover thanks but mine was an EMCS with plenty of complications and I too had pain for weeks using the loo as well as many other undesirable after effects of birth in general. An ELCS may be different of course but not any experience of that myself.

I don't think either way is better, all births are pretty unique some good, some bad and plenty horrific. Perhaps what people view as better is an uncomplicated, safe and non traumatic birth which is a lot of people's perception of a VB. Not necessarily the truth of course.