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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think children shouldn't be punished for being poorly?

191 replies

mumnosbest · 23/10/2012 10:02

Only children with 100% attendence are allowed to the school Halloween party. DS has a recurrent illness (every 3 months or so). He had 1 day off this term, after his teacher said he was struggling and needed a day to rest up, then he was up all that night and I agreed with her. DS wanted to go to school but was in no fit state and now blames me that he can't go to the party :(

I knowthere is an issue with poor attendence at the school and you can't have 1 rule for 1 and another for others but... Maybe 99% would be fairer as surely a lot of DCs miss 1 day through genuine illness. If this rewarding attendence is going to be a half-termly event DS will probably miss out on half of them as he will be ill again in about 3 months! (FingersX it's on a weekend).

AIBU (I am feeling very U and ranty this morning)?

OP posts:
MaryZed · 24/10/2012 17:50

That's terrible that they haven't bothered to reply Shock. I hope you had a nice afternoon.

diddl · 24/10/2012 17:57

Given that OP was told so late about it, I´m not surprised that they haven´t even bothered to reply.

No wonder there´s no respect really, is there?

CFSKate · 24/10/2012 17:58

When the 100 percenters grow up, how will they view the sick and disabled?

MaryZed · 24/10/2012 18:01

I often wonder after these threads whether there is a single parent of a 100%er who would stand up and say "it's not fair, I'm not letting my child go either".

That would really send a signal to the head.

Jossysgiants · 24/10/2012 18:08

'the 100% ers ' - could be the title of some blockbusting dystpopian novel along the lines of Hunger Games et al.

HawthornLantern · 24/10/2012 18:13

diddl - given the OP was only notified by the school on Monday of this week I really don't see how she could have written to the head any sooner...

diddl · 24/10/2012 18:17

Er-yes-that´s what I mean.

Parents were probably told late so that they couldn´t do anything.

Head is probably hoping it´ll go away if ignored!

HawthornLantern · 24/10/2012 18:20

oops - really sorry! In that case I couldn't agree with you more!

cory · 24/10/2012 18:22

Tuttutitlookslikerain Wed 24-Oct-12 11:15:55
"Cory I think that is one of the most shocking things I have ever read on MN! Your poor DD! Don't roll over and accept it, write to the Chair of Govenors today and give them a date to reply by. If you get no joy go to the local papers. You have to let the whole community know what a nasty, horrible,person is running that school. If I was looking for a secondary school I wouldn't choose it, and I mean that."

Actually, the decision has been made by the pupil run school council who are organising the prom; the adult staff are very supportive in all other respects and put a lot of resources into clearing up the mess that dd's junior school created and helping her to get ready to get into college, so we have decided not to fight this particular one. Dd will have a separate outing/party on the day with friends in a similar situation.

diddl · 24/10/2012 18:33

Hawthorn-it wasn´t a well worded post of mine-no apologies needed!

Original poster
mumnosbest · 24/10/2012 19:27

We had a great day thanks. Ds has chosen a fab costume for another party at a friends so it seems the school one is forgotten for now. I have to see the head about work stuff this week so might try to catch her off guard and ask if shes had chance to respond to my complaint if i don't chicken out

OP posts:
Original poster
mumnosbest · 24/10/2012 19:30

I really have lost any respect i had for her as the head and my boss if she doesnt even have the decency to reply. Also it seems there's a bit of an uprising brewing at the school gates i hope so

OP posts:
Jossysgiants · 24/10/2012 19:46

All power to you mumnosbest - it is difficult for you as you work there. It is appalling she has not replied. Keep us posted re the uprising...glad your Ds had a good day and is happy.

SlipperyNipple · 24/10/2012 19:50

I am still outraged on your behalf. I think that you should escalate if you get no joy from the head.

I reiterate that is it is so clear to us how unfair this policy is we should make a noise through mumsnet at least.

And to the very few mums who have come on the thread saying it's OK to reward lack of illness I'd like them to come back and defend their argument.

BoffinMum · 24/10/2012 19:57

Good schools deal with this by getting classes to compete for best attendance, not individuals, and making behind the scenes adjustments for documented conditions. Otherwise they run the risk of breaching the Equality Act, I would have thought.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 24/10/2012 20:02

Cory well shame on the other pupils! I hope they never have to face anything like your DD has in their lives. I hope she enjoys her outing and party.

SlipperyNipple · 24/10/2012 20:08

I think that the teachers at the School should not be able to go to the Christmas Party if they don't have 100% attendance - maybe you could suggest that to the head.

Also it would be quite interesting whether the head has had 100% attendance in the past year.

SlipperyNipple · 24/10/2012 20:09

Oh dear I am losing words because I'm very angry. And breath.

BoffinMum · 24/10/2012 20:10

Nipple, that is a great idea! Ask for staff attendance records via an FOI request GrinGrin

MaryZed · 24/10/2012 20:13

I cannot believe that dd's school Student Council would ever make such a decision cory Shock. And if they did she would be very much against it.

Jossysgiants · 24/10/2012 21:04

I would very much like to know how widespread this sort of thing is. But cannot think of any way to find out other than straw poll.

catsmother · 24/10/2012 21:26

I feel so angry on behalf of all the kids who've been punished like this when they've done absolutely NOTHING wrong ... and their mum's too, if it were my daughter I'd probably cry about something like this in fact, to think a totally unfair rule had been imposed on her and had upset her. Imagine how many kids bear regular pain and discomfort because of an ongoing condition, how many get frightened going to hospital for essential investigation and/or treatment which they sob about and suffer sleepness nights for. And then, some witch of a jobsworth does this to them on top. So so unfair ..... and Cory, am gobsmacked that pupils in your school have come up with the same exclusive policy and that no sensible fair minded adult - because they must be involved in the process somewhere as you simply don't get a load of kids all on their own running a prom - actually bloody well put them straight ! What's the betting those kids are the fortunate few not to have been ill this year ?

I too wonder how often this kind of thing goes on ? .... and I'd love to see a campaign which makes it illegal for schools to deny treats on the basis of non attendance when it's not the child's fault they haven't been there - whether that be for illness, accident or indeed feckless parenting because that isn't something the child can control either - certainly not in primary and middle schools. But how do you set about organising such a campaign ?

Jossysgiants · 24/10/2012 21:41

It should be illegal. It is outrageous. I have just googled ' 100% school attendance treats' which brings up many many schools all proudly stating how they have chosen to reward the non- sick.

Jossysgiants · 24/10/2012 21:44

Story from 2009....

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hereford/worcs/8127352.stm

Sorry am in research mode now.

MaryZcary · 24/10/2012 22:07

That's a terrible story, Jossy. Especially the "being able to invite a friend" - I mean wtf, does that mean if you are popular but don't go to school you can go on the trip, but if you miss a day and aren't so popular you can't. It's crap.

But there was a worse one that I can't find, where a child was banned from a school Christmas party because he had missed two days of school - because his father had died Shock.