to have stopped this from happening?

[addictedtooverreacting]

Have namechanged for this.

My DF has always been big on discipline. We were spanked, belted etc., regularly for the smallest things.

All adults now so obviously this hasn't happened for many years.

My DSis has a 2.5 year old son and DF is quite harsh with him. He gets angry at him for playing too loudly etc. He has smacked him on the bum a couple of times, which has not gone down well but each time it was a family event and no one wanted to cause a scene. I felt awful, as though I had let DN down by not intervening.

Today as we were getting ready to leave, I asked DN to pack away his toys and he didn't. DF was in the room and told him sternly to put his toys away. When DN didn't do as he said DF stood him up and smacked his bum. I didn't say anything even though I was angry with him for doing it.

DN then sat down and told DF he would smack HIS bum.

My DF grabbed DN, threw him over his knee and started spanking him hard. I immediately threw my hand on top of DN and the second whack hit me instead of DN, who I tried to take away from DF. DF then yanked DN backwards and shoved me in the chest. I was furious and shaking and just kept saying you can't spank someone elses child without their permission. He started yelling at be for interfering and said it was the worst thing I could do because children need discipline and by going against him I was ruining everything.

I kept saying the same thing over and over, that you can't do that and he shoved me a few more times and told me to fuck off out of his house.

He's then been texting me since I got home telling me that because I don't have any children I don't know what I'm doing and I've fucked up my nephew by not letting him discipline him when he's being naughty. That I am always overreacting to everything (hence the NN) and I should stop causing trouble...

I know I'm probably not being unreasonable for stopping him spanking DN but he's making out like I've overreacted to the situation and am the sole cause of a big family blow out for what seems to be no big deal to him.

What else could I have done in that situation?

Sorry for the long post.

[YerMaw1989]

A smack on the bum should be in extreme circumstances.

he sounds crazy and violent tbh.

[ZiggyPlayedGuitar]

Just wanted to agree with everyone else, you did the right thing.

I would be furious if anyone hit my child like that, especially for such a silly reason as not tidying his toys straight away. Poor wee thing!

[Inertia]

Addicted - I hope you are reassured now that you did absolutely the right thing. You intervened to protect a child who was being physically assaulted by a drunk who had lost control of his temper. Your nephew knows that he has a protector in you.

Your father is a violent drunken bully who is now verbally bullying you , because he cannot accept that he is in the wrong, and he thinks you will give in to him if he continues to bully you. Never mind expecting you to apologise - he's lucky you haven't reported him to the police.

Please continue to support your sister. It sounds like she needs it. And please don't give in to the inevitable emotional blackmail you'll get from your parents about Christmas - it's more important for a child to be safe than to be with grandparents , if GP are abusive.

[dinkystinky]

Addicted - I agree with all the others, you did the right thing and you are doing the right thing by not apologising and not setting step in his house until he realises how wrong his behaviour is. It is NEVER ok to slap someone elses child, it is NEVER ok to push your adult daughter in anger. He really needs some anger management counselling.

[MavisG]

You didn't cause the rift.

I did similar, not as scary as it was my sister I prevented from further assaulting our nephew. She uses violence as 'discipline' because we were brought up by inadequate parents: of course they backed her & there was a rift for nearly a year. My other sister (nephew's mum) did best to 'be in Switzerland' as you put it, which makes me even more glad that I stood up for my nephew - at least someone did, and he saw it.
I limit my child's contact with my family to situations where there won't be much stress, and prioritising his feelings helps me ignore the emotional blackmail that comes my way because of this.
What an absolutely vile and unforgivable thing to highlight your infertility like that. As if being the kind of father he is makes him some kind of expert.
I'm so sorry you feel any bad feelings about this at all. That's all conditioning. You were brilliant.

[Loveweekends10]

One word - abuse. Protect your children from it.

[myBOYSareBONKERS]

OP - is your sister still feeling the same i.e that she does not want contact with your father or is she starting to waver? Just wondering as a few days have past since the incident and doubts start to set in.

Also, what about the sister who did witness it all. Have you heard from her?

[TidyDancer]

Oh OP. :(

I feel so sad for you about everything that happened, but you have absolutely done the right thing. Well done for standing up for your DN.

Your father, let's make it clear, is a violent abusive bully. He is a man who should not be allowed around children and who clearly can't be trusted to be around them even with supervision.

How are you feeling now a few days have passed?

[Doingakatereddy]

I think you are amazing & just wonderful for standing up against your Dad to protect DN.

I'm really proud of what you did, you should be to. X