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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that DH was out of the house for 7 hours for the sake of one match

58 replies

cece · 21/10/2012 08:23

I genuinely want to know. Is it OK for DH to be out of the house for 7 hours in order to play one match of his sport.

Apparently he doesn't want to let the team down.

OP posts:

Groovee · 21/10/2012 08:26

It will depend on the sport. My D's often has days away where dh goes with him. That's life IMO and I get on with it.

Original poster

cece · 21/10/2012 08:27

he plays for a veterans team because he is an old man.

OP posts:

Convert · 21/10/2012 08:28

It depends if thats how long it will take to travel and play. If he's pissing off on a jolly to the pub for 5 hours and just telling you that it will take that long then I can see why you'd be annoyed.
If this is his 'hobby' and he doesn't do loads of things like this 3 nights a week and all weekend then I think YABU.

BeckAndCall · 21/10/2012 08:28

Why not? What else should he have been doing - did he not show up for something he had promised to do? How often does it happen?

In some circumstances it would be unreasonable, in others, not

Original poster

cece · 21/10/2012 08:29

OK then. I accept I am wrong. Just really pisses me off he gets to jet off all day and I am stuck at home with kids. We just never gat aby time to do stuff as a family.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 21/10/2012 08:30

I spent nearly 24 hours out of the house just to have several drinks with some mners.
If DH had objected I would have been irked.

vodkaanddietirnbru · 21/10/2012 08:32

if he does it every week then it would piss me off too. DH occasionally drives for 3 hours to Manchester to watch a match and then drives home afterwards so is gone for most of the day and evening but he doesnt go that often so it doesnt bother me much.

Pontouf · 21/10/2012 08:32

Has he promised to spend those seven hours doing something else? Is this a one off or every week? If it's a one off I'm a bit puzzled and don't really see the problem. Does he have some sort of curfew? if it's every week then I think it is probably a bit much if he works full time and you have children - you should be able to have some family time etc. My DH plays his sport twice a week and is out of th house for 2-3 hours each time. I find this perfectly reasonable. He works every Sunday but we do tend to get all Saturday together for family time.

Original poster

cece · 21/10/2012 08:34

Yesterday there was 3 hours of travel time involved. He plays every Saturday. Sometimes it is just a couple of hours (home matches) other times he can be up to 8 hours for away matches. He plays every Saturday, will not give up a match, so there is no time at weekends to do family days out etc. If there is time (home match) then he is 'too tired' to do anything.

OP posts:

ledkr · 21/10/2012 08:35

Blimey how long should he be then? 7 hours? Good grief poor bloke. If you want 7 hrs to yourself then take it.

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 21/10/2012 08:36

My dh did this last Sat! He plays hockey in a league that covers a huge area & he had to go to a town 2 hrs away for a match.

However, hockey is his only 'social' time - he isn't down the pub all hours & rarely goes out in the evenings. This is the first year since dd2 was born (she's 3.5) that he has played these long away matches, when the kids were little he only played local games.

I grumble like mad about it, particularly the 7 hr ones, but in the end I don't really begrudge him it, he enjoys it so much (weirdo )!

ledkr · 21/10/2012 08:36

Ok maybe every week is a but much does he participate on Sundays. If join a netball team on Sundays

Shakey1500 · 21/10/2012 08:37

What happens on Sundays?

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 21/10/2012 08:40

Plus the hockey season only runs Oct-Mar not all year round. Does your dh do this 12 months of the year?

Shakirasma · 21/10/2012 08:42

Can't you and the kids go and watch him play so you are more involved and not stuck at home?

Would you be complaining if your DH was Steven Gerrard?

Original poster

cece · 21/10/2012 08:44

Hockey season is Sept to April here.

Sundays is taken up with DC playing rugby.

Sigh. I'll just have to continue to put with it. I know that. I think it's just after years and years of it I am feeling worn down.

He didn't cut down when DC were small. I think that is where my resentment started.

OP posts:

nameuschangeus · 21/10/2012 08:45

Yanbu
My do does similar. Every Sunday every week of the year. Can't miss it as it lets the team down. All they do is practice, not in a league as there are no other teams in the area, they just play with themselves
We have to come home from holidays early, I go with the kids to everything. If I complain it ask him to miss it's 'my only bit if peace doing what I want'. The only but if peace I get doing what I want is at work
Be ready though for the professional 'count yourself lucky you have a dp' or 'count yourself lucky hr can afford to leave the house' merchants!

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 21/10/2012 08:51

Well I feel your pain cece, and it does sound like he's being incredibly inflexible. I don't let it stop me from doing things on Sat though, if it's something that is booked up before the start of the season (day out with friends etc) I expect him to organise childcare for the kids if he's got a match. We are lucky to have my parents close by though.

Family time does suffer in the winter months though.

Panzee · 21/10/2012 08:53

I agree with going along too. Might make him leave earlier!

Original poster

cece · 21/10/2012 08:57

In the 26 years I have been with him I have wayched him play hockey 3 times!

I do stuff on Saturdays but tbh sometimes it does feel like I am a single parent. He rarely does stuff with us.

OP posts:

Numberlock · 21/10/2012 08:57

I suppose it depends if you knew this is what he did before you got married or if it's a recent thing. I wouldn't want a relationship like this.

chickydoo · 21/10/2012 09:01

My DH has 6/7 hours out of the house almost every weekend playing his sport & has done so for the 20 years we've been married. Even when the kids were babies.
I have got used to it now

Original poster

cece · 21/10/2012 09:08

When we first met he played a lot more. However, he was playing at a very high level. Plus we didn't have DC so I enjoyed my days of freedom at the weekends. My family don't play any sport so I had no experience of life with a sportsman and I assumed he would give up when he was older.

I think the problems came when we had DC. He never seemed to know what times the matches were till about the Thursday. I worked full time then and so Sat was my only day to have my hair done. I therefore could rarely get to book a hair appointment as I needed to know when he was free to look after DD. Looking back it seems petty but at the time it really annoyed me. I think that was the start of my resentment. I don't want to be like this but I am.

TBH I don't mind at all about the 2 or 3 or even 4 hour weeks but when it takes all day I just think it is unreasonable.

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 21/10/2012 09:11

I would only consider it fair if you have one day a week, every week, child free, to do what ever you want. It doesn't sound like that is the case though, so I think he is being selfish.

My DH worked every other weekend (without any days off during the week in lieu) when my dc were little. It was very hard never having any time to myself, but I just got on with it because we didn't have a choice.

Your DH isn't even working - he is playing.

grobagsforever · 21/10/2012 09:14

He is being selfish. He is taking up.fifty percent of the availed family timr for himself. You are not getting time for yourself. He needs to cut down and stop acting like a childless man.

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