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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed that DH was out of the house for 7 hours for the sake of one match

58 replies

cece · 21/10/2012 08:23

I genuinely want to know. Is it OK for DH to be out of the house for 7 hours in order to play one match of his sport.

Apparently he doesn't want to let the team down.

OP posts:
caeleth · 21/10/2012 11:47

Why doesnt he take the dc with him?

I play sports, and spend a lot of weekend time (but not every weekend) on it. Lots of people bring their dc with them. Sure, till you get used to it its distracting and youre obviousky going to be busy the whole time so a little less socializing, but once you and the dcs get used to it it works really well. They enjoy spending time with their parents, watching them while they play, and getying doted on by everyone else....

If you went along the first few times to help out he should get the hang of it. Then you can alternate with the dcs giving you a day off.

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 21/10/2012 11:51

Look, I totally agree about compromise and OP should do her sport sometimes when it is inconvenient for her dh - that's what compromise means.

However playing hockey does not require 7 hours out of the house every Saturday all year round, not even the OP is saying that. It isn't an inherently selfish thing to do and all it needs is a bit of give and take to make it work.

I take the kids (very) occasionally, they enjoy it & DH loves it, having his kids shouting from the touch line Hmm Grin

wheresmespecs · 21/10/2012 12:04

If the OP's husband wanted his wife and kids involved in his sporting jaunts, he would already be doing this. Suggesting he take the kids, or that he involves jis family, would be a good way of provoking a confrontation - but the idea that he'd go 'oh, yeah, okay, great' is just not in the real world.

She says the team often car share to away games. He'd have to change that - or she'd have to drive off down the motorway after him, with the kids in tow, and then realistically, how much responsibility would he take for them?

If you have a partner who is happy to make their extra curricular activities a family thing, then great. Weekends away together, the kids all being part of it - lovely.

But there are plenty of people who see sport or other activities as time away from their children. How many golf dads take their young children with them? Seriously?

btw, I run, but fend off the suggestions that I take the buggy with me and run pushing it. I hate that, it limits me and I find it really uncomfortable, not to mention not being able to afford the super run and push buggies. So I go running without any small children with me.

But I go FOR AN HOUR when it has been agreed with my partner that it is convenient. Would I like to train more, and travel away to races like I used to. Yeah. But a few years not doing that won't kill me. It would be hugely disruptive to family life if I insisted on doing that, regardless of what everyone else is doing.

Merida · 21/10/2012 12:12

Specs, you are hooting at the thought of a child going along to watch their parent(s) playing sport? And we should 'get real'?

This is real, for folks up and down the country. I love that at my hockey games you will hear a squeaky voice pitching up 'go mummy' when said player gets the ball. In fact, we have four mother/daughter/auntie combinations in our team as the girls have grown to love the sport as much as we do.

It shows them that their parents are being healthy, gives them the chance to play in the fresh air at the side and meet other kids that they may not otherwise. For the parents, it is really rewarding to pass on the enjoyment, teamwork, commitment and (whisper it) discipline of sport to their kids. As an aside, it often makes the adults behave better on the pitch when they know there are children watching!

Our family life comes first. That is the priority. There is, however, no reason why our family life and our love of sport can't be combined.

OP - I like the suggestion above to get in touch with the other partners. I have a good circle of friends (the wags) who are partners of my husband's team-mates so maybe that's an avenue for you as well?

geegee888 · 21/10/2012 12:18

I do a sport that often requires me to be out of the house for several hours and go away for weekends and even weeks of training. If my DH suggested this was unreasonable on my part, I would leave him. I cannot envisage a life where my time out of the house was counted and limited. Obviously its healthy to have an outdoors hobby in life, and your DH is not in the pub drinking - you know where he is and what he is doing. Good on him for keeping his fitness interest going. Why did you marry him if you wanted both of you to live the life of couch potatoes? You don't sound as if you are that compatible if you don't have interests in common. Can you not go along to support him/make it part of an outing?

wheresmespecs · 21/10/2012 12:36

merida - you totally misunderstand me.

I think it is BRILLIANT when children can get involved with their parents' sporting activities. BRILLIANT.

I love that my DS sees his daddy in trainers, and says 'going for a run!' and mimes running. And that they are planning on doing a 1k fun run together.

I think the more children are exposed to sport in their everyday lives, and of course, parents are the best examples, the better. Great, wonderful, brilliant.

Have we got that clear?

My 'get real' is for those posters who don't get that there are men out there who see sport as time off from family life. Like I said - how many golfing dads take their kids with them? I drive past a golf course most weekends. I don't see any kids.

I also run past several playing fields at the weekend where there are PLENTY of kids clearly along for a family day out. GREAT!

Nothing the OP has said indicates that her dp is someone who wants or would welcome his family coming along to matches. She could try, sure. But if he doesn't want them there - if he sees this as 'him' time, for him and his mates - it won't work.

maddening · 21/10/2012 13:27

Could he find a.hockey team that plays on a Sunday or the kids move their activities to a Saturday? Then have one activity day and one family /me/ us time on the other day?

ilovesooty · 21/10/2012 14:38

So the season runs from September to April, which means you have May, June, July and August (when presumably your son doesn't play rugby) to do family things throughout the weekend. That's a third of the year.

You've only been to watch him 3 times in 26 years.

You didn't discuss his participation before you had children, but "assumed"" he would cut down.

You haven't been "brave" enough to tell him how you feel and instigate an open discussion. In fact you admit you have been harbouring resentment for years.

I think that the actual hours spent on his sport are less of a problem than the lack of communication between you.

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