Friend told my DH to be quiet

[FattyMa]

So we were at the wedding reception of a friend I've known for a long time. Her cousin started playing the guitar and singing. My DH was being introduced to some of the people he hadn't met before and naturally there was a bit of good humoured banter going on. Wasn't even aware DH was being "loud" but bride marched over and says "Can you not talk just now!" to DH then marched off. DH was offended as I was and was wanting to leave initially but he calmed down.

To be fair she explained herself later on and told us that her cousin has apsergers and she didn't want him to be put off by the noise. If she had told us that at the time we would have understood a bit better but AIBU to have been pissed off with her for this? I mean ffs I would be delighted if my friends were having a good time getting to know each other and would never dream of speaking to my guests like that. If she wanted silence whilst her cousin was playing she should have announced it.

I'm amazed that so many people say she can do what she damn well pleases just because she's the bride!! Staggered.

Her 'big day' or not, these people are friends/family who have forked out on outfits, travelling to the wedding, childcare and a gift. THEY are making the wedding what it is, wouldn't be much of a wedding without any guests. And guests is what they are and should be treated as such by the host(s), ie with respect and gratitude for coming to the wedding.

Couldn't resist saying thank you for that comment Dancergirl that was my point all along, not nice to make your guests feel uncomfortable.

That's at least twice you've signed off now Op......as others have said, you didn't want a debate, you just wanted people to agree with you.

No chance here, I'd have been fizzing if your dh had brayed all over my cousins performance. (links arms firmly)

Agree, ladymariner.

I don't know but did anyone t-rex?

Bride wasn´t doing as she "damn well pleases" though, was she?

She was asking people to not talk whilst her cousin was performing.

I was wondering that too, disfunctionalme. And was Sharon there?

Bluestocking And was Sharon there?
Shazza missed the last wedding, she's t-rex's friend not bipolar's. But presumably there was red wine. And possibly even a wasp...

I think Boris would have the grace to apologise actually,don't think he's a flouncer :o
Your friend explained why she was a bit snippy. A bride having to apologise to a guest who interrupted a special part of the day seems more off to me. Did your dh bray have some light hearted banter over the vows?

"Yes. Everyone else was wrong. That must be it."

Yes, due to a misunderstanding of the difference between a performer being announced or not - clearly most guests weren't familiar with the etiquette so copied each other like sheep.

Only just seen this. I can see the initial lack of awareness but the extraordinary thing is your reaction. Does your DH usually strop off if everything isn't going his way, or if someone asks him to do something - not explicitly criticises him - just asks him to moderate his behaviour? And you support him in this, rather than being embarrassed?

Then, then, you both think you are the most important people at the wedding and that your enjoyment cannot be curtailed for a moment, to accommodate something that is an important component of the event, at which you are guests?

Would you actually have left? How would you have explained that to people afterwards? Would you not have felt like a complete tit?

I think your husband needs to learn to behave like a grown up, taking a few knocks and rolls in the cause of the greater good (isn't that what families and large social events are all about?) and you both need to learn some empathy and serenity. It sounds as though you're describing, excusing and to and extent sharing, the exaggerated social awkwardness and self-absorption of a young teenager.

So, what I think a normal reaction would have been is this. Bride asks your DH not to talk, he says 'oh, ok, sorry', then when she turns away he pulls a humorous version of a face, with wry smile and raised eyebrows, thus uniting his new acquaintances in a sense of 'oops, we've just been 'told off', she's probably a bit stressed, better do what she says then'. Group is quiet, people appreciate music politely, then move on to next thing with more chat. Everyone has a nice day. The end.

What lottie said.

Someone mentioned I know Where I'm Going up there somewhere^.
My mum always told us Wendy Hiller was related to us.
That's my claim to fame though it's a very tenuous link, I think she was married to my Grandpas's cousin.

I don't think it's necessary to announce that you want quiet, in such a situation it would be expected - unless it was background music being played.

I think your DH got too offended too easily. I think that the bride was too abrupt. 50 -50 I'd say.

Oh fuck, wrong thread. Double [hblush].
Still my claim to fame though.

I often wish someone would tell my DH to be quiet. Particularly this weekend when he was spouting off in a monologue in a small room where everyone else was watching Frankel race to victory on a small tv...

Not everyone likes to hear loud men bantering. Its rarely as interesting to anyone else as it is to them. Particularly at their wedding, where they should behave like guests, not children at a party. Good for the bride I say. Your DH sounds very indulged.