Friend told my DH to be quiet

[FattyMa]

So we were at the wedding reception of a friend I've known for a long time. Her cousin started playing the guitar and singing. My DH was being introduced to some of the people he hadn't met before and naturally there was a bit of good humoured banter going on. Wasn't even aware DH was being "loud" but bride marched over and says "Can you not talk just now!" to DH then marched off. DH was offended as I was and was wanting to leave initially but he calmed down.

To be fair she explained herself later on and told us that her cousin has apsergers and she didn't want him to be put off by the noise. If she had told us that at the time we would have understood a bit better but AIBU to have been pissed off with her for this? I mean ffs I would be delighted if my friends were having a good time getting to know each other and would never dream of speaking to my guests like that. If she wanted silence whilst her cousin was playing she should have announced it.

She would not have heard him.

hobnob I see both sides I really do but it makes me laugh how others jump to conclusions about DH being obnoxious and loud etc. Haven't you ever been in a social situation where there was hardly anyone there you knew? It can be daunting enough so to be told off for chatting when you didn't even realise you were doing anything "wrong" I think is just plain rude. Anyway not going to sit here and defend myself anymore, I will graciously accept that the majority think we were in the wrong.

err yes and I still behaved in a manner appropriate to the situation.

Surely everyone falling quiet around you was an indication that perhaps quiet was expected at that point in proceedings?

She is the bride! Of course she can tell people to shut up!

I'm afraid that the phrase "a bit of good humoured banter" says it all. And the fact that George/Boris wanted to huff off in a strop after the poor bloody bride asked him to keep it down. You can't be very good friends with her, OP, if you have so little empathy with how she might have been feeling on her wedding day.

It was her wedding day in my book that means she can do what the fuck she wants.

Just accept that you offended her, even if unintentionally, and move on. I really don't think this is worth dwelling on.

Maybe the singer was introduced but Boris et al were guffawing and braying so loud they didn't hear it?

Anyway if, when at a wedding, the cousin of the bride, gets up to perform a song, the audience should shut the fuck up, as his/her performance is obviously a gift to the bride and groom, and as such a sensitive and meaningful moment as opposed to a band playing.
Surely anyone with manners can see that?
Aghast at those that think it is acceptable to drivel on through a performance like that.
And why should the bride need to explain about the Aspergers to anyone??

I think once your dh and friends had realised they were talking during the performance, they should just have gracefully apologised.
The bride did, as she must have felt she came over a bit harsh.
It's really you and your dh that are carrying this on and making a mountain out of a molehill.
Were the people he was talking to equally offended?

Haven't you ever been in a social situation where there was hardly anyone there you knew?

Yes and I managed to be respectful.

We had a pianist at the reception, it was for background music and so was sat at the other end of the room and wasn't announced.
If a guitarist started to play in a similar unannounced manner I would possibly thing they were there for similar reasons. If they were announced/sat middle front stage/miked up so could be clearly heard all over the room I might think differently.

She is the bride! Of course she can tell people to shut up!

Now that I just don't understand.

People will still think you're a cunt if you're wearing a fancy frock while you act like one.

ShellyBoobs

Or it could be that OP and her husband didn't hear cousin being introduced as they were being loud.

How do you think it would have affected your friendship if you had left after she asked you to keep the noise down? That's the bit I'm stuck on. I can't imagine storming out of an occasion like that after being spoken to slightly sharply.

AIBU?
Everyone says, "Yes"
OP says "Oh no I'm not" - classic AIBU

It makes you laugh to hear your dh labelled as obnoxious. Really?
He is certainly a bit of a drama queen for contemplating storming out of a friends wedding because he was asked not to drown out the entertainment.

It's such a maiden aunt thing to do; bustle off in high dudgeon clutching the smelling salts...
If I saw any bloke doing this I'd laugh; if it was dh I'd be deeply ashamed.

SauvignonBlanche

"AIBU?
Everyone says, "Yes""

Not everyone has said she IBU
Some have said she INBU
some of us have said it depends on whether the music was annouced.

I'll re-phrase:
AIBU?
The vast majority says, "Yes"
OP says "Oh no I'm not".

Sorry I'm with the minority on this one! I hate when someone ruins a great party with a guitar and a soulful melody. As the Op has already said- this wasn't a 'performance', it was a bloke with a song and a mic! Isn't music supposed to enhance an atmosphere?

Do you all sit in silence at the afters of a wedding?

subjected to sit there in silence!

Did you have AP upbringing OP?

chunky the brides cousin was playing and singing. the bride asked them to stop talking.

clearly it was a performace.

Sounds very odd indeed...

The OP tells us: "Her cousin started playing the guitar and singing"

and "The cousin wasn't mic'd up and he was playing right at the other end of the room so we didn't initially realise any performing was going on."

so the result was:

"DH wasn't being overly loud so we were taken aback to be told to be quiet in the manner which my friend did"

On that basis OP I have to say, YANBU.

OP I am going to buck the trend and say YANBU.

Fuck that for a joke, bride's big day allows her to act like uptight bitch.

When I got married I remember my main concern was that everyone was enjoying themselves. I would have been more concerned by silence than a jovial back slapper talking a bit loudly.

Imo a good wedding is one where there is plenty of good food and alcohol and the guests make an effort to talk to people they don't know and to be in a convivial party mood.

So to my mind, your DH was fulfilling his part of the deal in making the attempt to talk to people he didn't know and was probably a little more loud than he is normally as freely flowing alcohol can have that effect on one, also when we are trying hard to be our most sociable selves.

Most weddings I have been to, and indeed my own, include musical performances where the guests continue to chat whilst listening. I mean it's a wedding, not a concert hall performance. So to not be immediately aware that you were meant to be silent is not that strange imo.

If the bride wanted the guests particular attention at the point of her cousin's performance she should have had the MC announce it with the instruction for shush!

But to single your DH out with the demand to be quiet was very rude imo.

And although I probably would have acquiesced and wouldn't have stormed out it would make me view the bride differently and not in a positive way!
Couldn't she have had quietly drawn DH to one side or tapped him on the shoulder and had a quiet word in his ear asking him to be silent and listen please? Or better still, asked one of her bridesmaids or whoever to do it?

Anyway I agree with you OP ignore all the other uptight bitches on here

Sounds like a stressed out bride.But your DH shouldn't have been talking so loudly.TBH, life's too short to get all upset about it.I would put it all behind you.