Leaving out one child from party invite

[DixieD]

I am not a horrible cow. My DD is having a princess party for her 6th (hopefully we will be out of this princess phase soon!). We are inviting all the girls in the class. Or at least we are planning to.
The problem is this. One girl in the class is a Jehovah's Witness. She can't go to parties, play dates etc with non JW kids. I know that she will not come to the party as does DD. I was planning on inviting her anyway just so she wouldn't be the only one not getting an invite. I don't want her to be upset and think DD didn't want her there.
However it has occurred to me that it may be disrespectful to her parents beliefs to ask her to something she is bot permitted to attend. Would it be undermining them? It is common knowledge that she doesn't attend parties so its no like I can claim ignorance.
So WIBU to invite this girl despite knowing its against their religious beliefs?

WorraLiberty On every thread your like a broken record, intolerant of others beliefs apart from your own.

I'm with Worra. Why tolerate intolerance? A religion that's so extreme it's tipped into child cruelty. Send a child into a mainstream school but believe that other people are so unfit and unclean, you won't allow them to interact even when they accidentally meet in a park? Dangle normality in her face, then deny her it?

make thanks, your posts are very enlightening.

I also had some friends whose parents were ex Plymouth Brethren, they too had very strict views - was amusing to see them piled around a TV when they came to visit (was against their religion at the time).

A couple of people on this thread have referred to JWs as "secular". They're actually very religious - not the opposite of that, which is what secular means. Bit confused.

Anyway, like Worra, I wish that the day would come when all children could play with one another regardless of race, colour, religion, or lack thereof. I personally am religious, but thankfully not a religion which would expect me to disassociate with others because of their beliefs. In fact quite the opposite is expected of me.

It's weird for me to be in a position to have to defend JW and this family. As I know very little about the religion and really barely this family beyond our daughters sharing a class. The extent of my knowledge prior to this thread was that this girl could not attend birthday parties or play dates.
Anyway I think Worra and co. do have a point. Although I don't honestly think it is presented to the JW children as 'you can't mix with theses children as they are inferior or unclean etc'. I think it is more a case of wanting to keep their children away from what they perceive as bad influences or environments that wouldn't match the moral code they are trying to bring them up with. And don't we all do that?
I mean I wouldn't allow my child go to the house of someone I know expounded extreme racist views for example, or where the parents smoked all the time in the house. I guess I don't have to confront these situations much as my views are more main stream. JW have much stricter code so I guess that narrows the circle a lot.
But I suppose a blanket ban on everyone without finding out what tey are like just based on the fact they are not JW is discrimatory.

"I also had some friends whose parents were ex Plymouth Brethren, they too had very strict views - was amusing to see them piled around a TV when they came to visit (was against their religion at the time)."

I used to have a PB friend at primary school. She wasn't allowed to come to my birthday party because we had a radio in the house.

If you scroll about half way down this website it tells what they can and can't do.

I have met quite a few in a professional capacity and they stay away from or avoid all modern technology so this includes fax machines, computers and using credit/debit cards. They won't eat or drink with anyone who isn't PB. They also think that bar codes are evil and contain hidden messages from the devil. They do drive cars however. I don't know what their stance is on owning a mobile phone, but I doubt that they do. I sometimes see PB girls in Sheffield and they stand out because they have very long hair, wear long skirts and headscarves.

My personal experiences of meeting of JWs and PBs is that the JWs are far more accepting of outsiders and have adopted all forms of modern life unlike the PBs who are much more protective of their own. A lot of them are in the printing industry and they are family businesses.

My little sister brought a group of friends including a Mormon girl to stay with me years ago (having a grown up big sister with a flat in London was a bit of a draw for a teenager). I was told the girl couldn't watch TV or have tea, coffee or coke and a whole load of other things I forget. I had to watch her like a hawk when we took them all clubbing for my sister's birthday - a world music club with no alcohol that welcomed kids but plenty of drugs available should you want them.

We kept her safe and followed her parents' wishes. Two years later she ran away from home with a 45 year old married man...

I also meant to say in my last post that although I understand why people feel sad for this girl, I don't think it is necessary. From the little i know of the family I think like makeit she will say she had a happy childhood. She is a happy little thing with a loving mother (don't know father), a close social circle and plenty of friends in school. She is certainly not isolated and upset in school.

I used to share a flat with some Mormons. They were the lovliest, most unjudgemental people I know, and they did watch TV. My favourite cousin is a Mormon as well and she drinks diet coke.

I think you sound lovely - I don't think I would have put so much thought into myself.

I would invite the girl regardless. Its the parents who have to deal with the decision.

I am very open minded when it comes to religion in general however I am completely against parents insisting their children follow their religious or any other beliefs for that matter as I feel it is such a personal thing. I know you say that she is not a child to be pityed but she is as she is still missing out on lots of things other children get to experience.

A friend of mines parents were JW and he was forced to do as they did when he lived with them even though he never shared their beliefs. As a result he struggles to deal with birthdays and xmas with his daughter and it can make it quite a miserable time when he's around!

Does your daughter go to an all girls school? If not there will be a whole raft of sad little BOYS who are not getting an invite.

No she goes to a mixed school. There are 30 in her class. Unfortunately we are limited by space and money to only inviting about half the class. This year we decided to go for just girls as a) this year her closest friends are all girls (she had two close boy friends last year but they both moved during the summer b) it is a princess party so most boys in the class won't be interested in it ( i know there are boys who like princesses but i am not aware of one in DDs class) c) it will be easier for the people not invited to, that they are not invited as a group since it is just for girls.
That's our logic and tbh DD came up with a list a while ago independently and it had just girls names on it so not like she would have had boys anyway.

Yes definitely invite rude not to, but don't expect her to come.

Also put a note on the invite that the little girl is welcome to come for a playdate instead on a different date if she prefers.

I would not worry about offending the family.

I am jewish (and fairly religious) but would not be offended by my DC receiving Christmas cards, or being invited to a Christmas party - I'd just explain to my DC that the person inviting is not Jewish and is celebrating Christmas and isn't it interesting to go and see what their religious traditions are.

Definately send out an invitation to her. Whether or not birthday are celebrated by her family, its nice to feel invited and welcomed.

As for JWs not celebrating birthdays, I agree with the other posters here who said you should call her mother and ask if something else can be organised, like a playdate at your house.