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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving out one child from party invite

143 replies

DixieD · 18/10/2012 10:52

I am not a horrible cow. My DD is having a princess party for her 6th (hopefully we will be out of this princess phase soon!). We are inviting all the girls in the class. Or at least we are planning to.
The problem is this. One girl in the class is a Jehovah's Witness. She can't go to parties, play dates etc with non JW kids. I know that she will not come to the party as does DD. I was planning on inviting her anyway just so she wouldn't be the only one not getting an invite. I don't want her to be upset and think DD didn't want her there.
However it has occurred to me that it may be disrespectful to her parents beliefs to ask her to something she is bot permitted to attend. Would it be undermining them? It is common knowledge that she doesn't attend parties so its no like I can claim ignorance.
So WIBU to invite this girl despite knowing its against their religious beliefs?

OP posts:
izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 22:49

Its a horrible religion, its the only religion I have no time for, I stand prepared to be corrected as this is based on a huge row I had with someone about 20 years ago but as I understand it, don't JW believe that the number of people who can enter the Kingdom of Heaven is limited, and that the more people you convert the more likely you are to enter, making it an entirely self serving religion??

I would invite her, but in my experience, she wont attend.

Serendipity30 · 18/10/2012 22:51

Worraliberty I pity you though because you sound closed minded spiteful, and bitter. OP however sound like a nice person who is genuinely seeking advice there is some good advice from some posters OP on how to approach this in a sensitive way , Her parents will probably be happy that you though of her even if she cannot go. good luck Thanks.

Serendipity30 · 18/10/2012 22:52

izzywizzyisbizzy And you are a horrible person, you see how i made that general statement without knowing anything about you.

Alonglongway · 18/10/2012 22:53

My DDs went to infant school with a couple of JW brothers and they used to explain to the other children why they were not allowed to celebrate birthdays and they preferred not to be invited. The children accepted it and it was all quite fine.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 22:53

Am I right or wrong about how you enter the Kingdom of Heaven, as I said, I am happy to be corrected, I have tried googling it, but I cannot get a definitive answer, there are former Witnesses on this thread, and I was hoping one of them could answer.

Serendipity30 · 18/10/2012 22:58

izzywizzyisbizzy Then start a thread about it, the OP asked for advice on a specific issue she did not ask you on your views regarding religion, as you well know. I cant stand it when people hijack threads.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 23:00

haku I have had friends who were Witnesses as a child, they all, without exception, hated it as they hit teens, and left as soon as they were able.

I dont mind you calling me a horrible person, as it stands, because you are right, you know nothing about me.

I have had a few theological conversation in the past (could be very interesting), when they had a monthly habit of trawlling our street, my view is that if you knock on enough doors you will always find someone who is lonely and in need of help, preying on the vulnerable.

My view of their religion, is based on my admittedly limited, experience of it, but then its a controversial religion, another view I don't agree with is that of blood transfusions.

As individual people I am sure that there are many kind and good people, with a few bad, as with every other religion in the world, but it is a very insular religion and in the same way many people find the Catholic Faith unpleasant, I take issue with some of the tennants of their faith.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 23:01

I will post what I like, I intensely dislike thread police, but each to their own.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2012 23:01

hakunamatata8 thanks for your reply.

However, as a 43yr old woman living in an extremely diverse borough of London...I'm old enough to remember the awful racism and religious suspicion/hatred of the 1970's/1980's...where parents would literally ban their children from playing with the Sikhs and Muslims who came to the area because they 'weren't their type'.

Thankfully in this day and age, we have come forward in leaps and bounds and the majority of people here are not just tolerant of other religions and cultures but they positively welcome them.

The poor child in the OP doesn't have that luxury because her parents appear to be living in the dark ages.

Quite how you can call me sound closed minded spiteful, and bitter when there are parents out there who actually ban their children from forming friendships with other children, base on nothing other than religion is astonishing.

But it's also your right.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 23:02

Mind you, given the language you are using, its somewhat amusing that you are advising others on posting ettiquette.

EnjoyVampirebloodResponsibly · 18/10/2012 23:06

OP I'd like to say how thoughtful I think you are in considering all the constraints this little girls parents religion pose.

Her mother sounds like a good egg. My advice would be to ask her if, acknowledging her beliefs, it would be ok for her DD to come to tea with yours one day-maybe she could come too if that's a bit more comfortable.

I wouldn't send the birthday invite. It's a sweet thought, but really a waste of time.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2012 23:09

Enjoy the girls is not allowed to socialise with non JW children so she won't be allowed to come to tea.

Flojo1979 · 18/10/2012 23:09

Well this thread has been educational. I didn't realise JWs were so narrow and secular.
I totally agree with Worra for a change Grin

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2012 23:10

Getttt innnnn Flojo Grin

Flojo1979 · 18/10/2012 23:13
Grin Here's to a non-discriminatory future, where children can play together regardless of language, skin colour, political and religious beliefs.
EnjoyVampirebloodResponsibly · 18/10/2012 23:17

Well I'll throw this in. I had a JW friend in primary school. Generally she wasn't allowed on play dates. But my mother used to chat with hers in the playground, and I did have a few tea dates with her.

Now it's fair to say these were usually at her house, but it might have been allowed because my mum was very clear that she "got" the JW beliefs and would make sure nothing at the tea would cause conflict.

All this is made more amazing as my mother is Superjudgypants (and has the tights and cape).

Ask the mum OP, she can only say no Smile

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2012 23:20

Here's to a non-discriminatory future, where children can play together regardless of language, skin colour, political and religious beliefs

Amen to that.

And before I read this thread I genuinely thought that's where we were headed.

If that makes me sound 'closed minded, spiteful and bitter' then so be it....

Serendipity30 · 18/10/2012 23:22

WorraLiberty On every thread your like a broken record, intolerant of others beliefs apart from your own.

Serendipity30 · 18/10/2012 23:24

izzywizzyisbizzy Your responses had nothing to do with what the poster was asking about, which says a lot about you. Off to make some tea and catch up on iplayer, funny how the usual suspects can kill a thread, once again.

Flojo1979 · 18/10/2012 23:25

Well I must be closed minded too as I had no idea JW children weren't allowed to play with children with differing beliefs.
Next time the JWs come a-knocking I think I'll have a few questions of my own to ask.

maxmillie · 18/10/2012 23:25

I'm sorry op I do pity her and I think you are deluding yourself about this family. Religious freedom or not I think i can't think of any other religion that randomly bans children from playing with other children based on their parents religious beliefs. If you stopped your children playing with a Jewish, Muslim, seikh etc child you'd be accused of being a bigot. What's the difference?

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 23:26

Usualsuspects?? Thats amusing yet again, given the usual topics I post on, unless you have me confused with someone else. Vague accusations, the last refuge of the ridiculous.

The initial post is about their religion, its the fundemental issue.

I find your posts - unhinged.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2012 23:27

Really? Can you link to just one of them please hakunamatata8?

Regarding this particular thread that we're on right here and now...one of us (that would be me) is saying how awful and bordering on cruel it is ,to send a child to a mainstream school and ban them from playing with other children purely because they're of a different religion - and the other poster (that would be you) appears to think this religious bigotry and intolerance is absolutely fine and healthy.

Sorry, remind me again who is intolerant of other people's beliefs? Confused

PinkFairyDust · 18/10/2012 23:27

When handing out invites why doesn't your daughter do a lovely picture of both girls playing or something and put that in the pink envolope?

Then you can also put into a "note" to mum saying "my daughter xxxxx is having a party this Saturday...we would love for your daughter xxxxx to join us but understand that she may it be able to because of your region which I respect. However we didn't want to leave her out and make her feel sad of not getting a little bit of pink post with the rest of the girls in the class had. Hope you don't mind xxxxx,

Even if you do speak to her you can see get your daughter to draw her a picture so she has a envolope to open :)

maxmillie · 18/10/2012 23:32

Why? Give her the same invitation as you give the other girls. Why should she be singled out and discriminated against because of something you know about her parents. Let them explain it to her.