Leaving out one child from party invite

[DixieD]

I am not a horrible cow. My DD is having a princess party for her 6th (hopefully we will be out of this princess phase soon!). We are inviting all the girls in the class. Or at least we are planning to.
The problem is this. One girl in the class is a Jehovah's Witness. She can't go to parties, play dates etc with non JW kids. I know that she will not come to the party as does DD. I was planning on inviting her anyway just so she wouldn't be the only one not getting an invite. I don't want her to be upset and think DD didn't want her there.
However it has occurred to me that it may be disrespectful to her parents beliefs to ask her to something she is bot permitted to attend. Would it be undermining them? It is common knowledge that she doesn't attend parties so its no like I can claim ignorance.
So WIBU to invite this girl despite knowing its against their religious beliefs?

Invite her. Her parents can explain why she can't go. I'm sure she will like the invite and knowing someone thinks about you is always nice

Just to clarify, the official position of the religion (via the 'Governing Body') is that associations with non-JWs should be kept to a minimum.

Interacting in unavoidable circumstances (ie. school, work) is allowed, but the literature is very clear that things like parties and even unnecessary socialising with non-JWs is meant to be avoided.

JW parents who follow the rules strictly will not let their children go over to non-JW parents' houses.

JW parents who are not so strict may very well allow their children to. However, this is 'frowned upon' by other members if found out.

Attending or allowing your JW children to attend things like birthday parties will lead to further action if reported (starting out with a chat with the elders in the back room).

I was raised JW (but am no longer), and four generations of my family are entirely JW (and heavily involved).

I don't understand why you'd send your child to school if you intend to deprive them of the opportunity to build healthy, happy relationships with the other children.

It's like waving sweets in front of a child then throwing them in the bin and saying 'this is what you CAN'T have'.

Sad, sad, sad.

I agree welsh sounds awful to be a child whose parents are JW

Most JW children are encouraged to get their casual socialising from other JW children.

The Kingdom Hall (church) meetings are held three times a week, and there is preaching in groups once or twice a week, so there is a lot of socialising amongst JWs themselves.

There is a general belief within the JW religion that they are 'no part of this world', which includes 'worldly' (or non-JW people).

Teaching children to live amongst non-JWs and yet remain aloof from them is seen by many parents as part of their training for the way they are to conduct their entire lives.

This thread is really sad. I feel sorry for that poor little girl. I think you should get your dd to write her a little note saying that she values her as a friend and would like her to come to the party but understands that it isn't possible, then put it in the same envelopes that the invites are being given in so that she doesn't feel left out.

What a sad, but interesting thread.

The JW family I know are lovely. Their daughter is 12 and extremely pretty. She is allowed to wear make up and wear "older" clothes. I thought this would be frowned upon though.

The only guidelines regarding clothes that I can think of (off the top of my head), is that they should not be too sexy/revealing, or extreme (eg. t-shirts with offensive slogans).

Makeup is left pretty much up to the parents, but again should not be too extreme.

Maybe she will be allowed to the party. I had a lovely 8 year old JW boy in a class I taught and he was obviously devoted to his beliefs but would give happy holiday type cards at Christmas and accept graciously birthday and Christmas cards. There was no awkwardness - if the parents are generally accepting of others then they will not be offended because they will have their own way of responding to invites.

So what happens at school when the birthday children bring in sweets to hand out or the teacher has a birthday and a cake to share?

or a chart with all the birthdays marked on it ...?

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts. For those feeling sad for this little girl please don't. She is a very happy little thing with siblings she appears to be close to. Her mother seems to be a warm, loving woman who dotes on her kids. There are other JW kids in the area and in school, so I am sure she is not short of play dates. There is another one in DDs class in fact and I know she plays a lot with him and meets him after school. Obviously as he is a boy the invitation issue for him didn't arise.

Not read the whole thread but I think talk to mum. I don't think she will be offended if you are straight up with her and ask her advice. Tell her you feel awkward as you feel like you are leaving her out but don't want to offend or make things difficult. I think she will see uou are respectful and be pleased you asked.

Mil

For those feeling sad for this little girl please don't.

Err no I will...until she's old enough to make up her own mind.

OK Worra. My point is there are children genuinely in need of pity. I don't believe this girl is one of them. She is well socialised, popular and happy.
Of course we never know what happens behind closed doors but that is the same for any family.
I don't agree with her parents decisions, but there are plenty of other parental decisions I don't agree with either. It doesn't mean that their kid are to be pitied.

JH is an extremist religion, and like all extremist religious beliefs the idea is to try and brainwash your followers and children by surrounding yourself with fellow believers. Id send the invite.

Send the invite but be prepared to ignore the JW as they will not participate whatever you do. Spend your time with people who will engage and deserve your attention. You cannot save their child sadly.

Welsh my best friend at junior school had rabid JW parents. I think it ruined her childhood, and then when she older they stopped being JWs. So they basically fucked her childhood up, really nice people!

Could you speak to the mum and see if would be ok to offer something that would be included in a party bag, like a bracelet or hair bobbles, but it be given in a 'we went out for the day and bought this for you' then she is still included but it kind of side steps the 'birthday' issue?

Definitely invite her anyway. An invitation lets someone know you'd like them to be there, even if they can't make it.

OP I think any child of bigoted secular parents is to be pitied.

Any child who is sent to a mainstream school and not allowed to form proper bonds and friendships with their peers is to be pitied.

Any child who sees those peers having fun and joining in with parties, making/sending celebration cards but is banned from doing so themself, is to be pitied.

If you don't pity this poor little girl that's down to you entirely but I certainly do because it's so bloody sad.

Instead of sending her to a mainstream school and 'dangling' her so to speak in front of kids she'll never be allowed to be proper friends with, they would have been better off home educating her so she stays properly in the bubble they're creating.

There is nothing 'nice' about any parent who tells their kids they're not allowed to play with another child, simply because they don't share their religious beliefs.

In fact I'd go as far as saying the parents are rather cruel to put their DD through this for the sake of their own beliefs.

OP maybe ask the mum, at leeast the invite would have been extended.

However there are some nasty downright twatish posters on this thread who should be ashamed of themselves