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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this midwife's advice is a little odd (sex with baby in bed with parents)

66 replies

honeytea · 17/10/2012 20:37

Tonight we went to a class for expecting parents. Along with advice on nappy changing and breast feeding the midwife spoke to us about our relationships after the birth. She satrted by saying a huge percentage of parents split up before the child reaches their 4th birthday a little too much doom and gloom for my liking

She encouraged us to start having sex again whilst the baby was still small, she also recomended co-sleeping and said "there is no problem having sex in the bed whilst your baby is sharing the bed with you, the baby will enjoy seeing it's parents close to each other, just make sure you don't scare the baby (not sure what that means, no whips or handcuffs?) and make sure the baby doesn't bounce off the bed"

I was a little shocked, it is my first baby so maybe I am being silly, I don't think there is a wrong or right when it comes to having sex in the room with the baby, but surely the same bed is just not practicle, also the way she said the baby would enjoy watching seemed odd to me.

I am British but living in Sweden so maybe it is a cultural thing, or maybe it is just me. AIBU to be a little supprised by this advice?

OP posts:
dontlaugh · 17/10/2012 20:39

That is a bit bonkers to me. We have 3 and have never had sex with any of them in the bed. It just wouldn't occur to us. It is no hardship to move a baby to a crib/cot for the duration of sex (and after a baby, let's face it, that's all of ten minutes).

ChickenFillet · 17/10/2012 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

larks35 · 17/10/2012 20:41

I may be stereotyping but when you mentioned you were in Sweden the advice made sense. Not that I think the advice is wrong, I agree with it really, I just would have been surprised if it had been worded that way here in the UK.

StateofConfusion · 17/10/2012 20:42

Nope sorry couldn't do that, fine other people do, but no if the baby couldn't be moved there is NO reason why me and dp couldn't!

Fairylea · 17/10/2012 20:42

Seems she phrased it weirdly. I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex with a baby in the bed but there was a thing about this very topic on tv recently and a lot of people seemed to think it was fine which surprised me to be honest... I realise the baby would have no idea what was going on but I would !!

Having said that I have a ds 4 month old and when he was newborn we did the deed whilst he was sleeping beside our bed in his Moses basket..... ! But after a few weeks he seemed a bit too with it to do anything in the same room as him !

I also think the midwife is a bit of an idiot banging on about sex to save people from becoming another split up statistic ... seriously !??? Talk about pressure !

ecto · 17/10/2012 20:43

Think she went a bit far saying the baby will enjoy it Shock

We did that've sex when our eldest was a tiny baby who couldn't roll when he was on the bed. But it was a big bed and not v bouncy so fine. Ds was not "watching" though, yuk.

BadgersGhostlyRetreatWoo · 17/10/2012 20:43

hmm well i've no babies but it makes the cat very uncomfy when mum and dad get jiggy when she's in bed with us

HTH

GossipWitch · 17/10/2012 20:44

Very quiet sex, while baby is fast asleep in cot, in the same room ...maybe, but in the same bed eeewww no!

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 17/10/2012 20:45

I have never understood the obsession with only having sex in the marital bed. Even if you don't have a spare room, there are other rooms in the house.

catgirl1976 · 17/10/2012 20:46

DP and I had occasional very gentle, spooning, sleepy, silent sex with DS in the bed when he was tiny and asleep. We have a huge kingsize bed and I didn't really see the difference between that and him being asleep in his Moses basket next to the bed

But it makes some people's head explode / boak / call SS

I like these threads though, they always kick off Grin

ChickenFillet · 17/10/2012 20:48

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly · 17/10/2012 20:49

I have no energy for sex!! My babies don't sleep so I can't waste valuable sleeping time. Best to do it in the day when they're napping and not in the same room

Night time is for sleeping.

treedelivery · 17/10/2012 20:50

See no pron with this at all. You can have your opinion of course, so I don't think yabu, but I can't see this is any sort of big deal to me.

Nice to see a health professional actually address the reality of having a baby sleeping in your room (and for many many parents, your bed) for 6 months!

I think it's healthy to encourage people to think in terms of normal life after the baby has arrived. Sex is normal and so, for plenty, is co-sleeping and co-rooming is advised afterall.

catgirl1976 · 17/10/2012 20:51

Grin the "baby will enjoy it" bit was boaky to me too

I couldn;t have done it if he was awake. I can't do it with the cat watching me! (but he does stare in a really affronted way!)

Original poster
honeytea · 17/10/2012 20:52

She was saying we should allways be in arms reach of the baby (I think it might get a bit much to have to be that close all the time) so the popping the baby in the bedroom and having some grown up time on the sofa wasn't in her opinion an option.

I agree the preasure to have sex to keep the relationship going was unreasonable, she also said we should all be working out soon after the baby was born.

We have a tiny bed I think that is partly why to me the idea wouldn't really work.

She was a bit bonkers, she held a weighted doll as if she was breastfeeding it for the entire 3.5 hour class and also said she ate her childrens snot Hmm

OP posts:
ChickenFillet · 17/10/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 17/10/2012 20:56

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's wrong! Grin

I didn't think you had judgey pants.

It's one of those marmite topics I think :)

Snusmumriken · 17/10/2012 20:57

Your post made me homesick for Sweden!

Having sex with baby in the same bed is very practical, especially if you are co-sleeping. It would be much more complicated to move a sleeping baby out of its bed.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 17/10/2012 20:57

She is bonkers. There is no need to eat snot. That would rule out me listening to anything she said.

You know what, each to their own, but I would far rather leave the baby for 10 minutes for some sex on the sofa than have the baby 'enjoy' me having sex with them in a tiny bed.

I know SIDS advice is not to leave babies alone, but arms reach at all times Shock. Until what age?

catgirl1976 · 17/10/2012 20:57

Oh I just read your last line :(

I;m so sorry :(

MrsApplepants · 17/10/2012 20:57

Isn't the having the baby next to you a bit of a passion killer?

McHappyPants2012 · 17/10/2012 20:57

Sex what is that with a newborn lol.

Took me months to get a little mojo back then years to get back to normal.

I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex with DC in the bed

QuietNinjaTardis · 17/10/2012 21:00

I'm sorry I've just read the last line of your last post and snorted a little bit. Anyone who eats snot is quite clearly bonkers.

ChickenFillet · 17/10/2012 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 17/10/2012 21:02

Of course not :( But you do blame yourself though. I've had two so I know that feeling x