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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PILs want to move 3 doors down....I'm not keen on the idea, but don't know why: AIBU?

58 replies

pjd · 17/10/2012 20:01

Never done an AIBU before....feeling nervous!!

PILs were recently flooded for the second time in five years. They live in a fairly remote village and want to move nearer to us, we are in a town. So far so good, seems sensible to me. A house has gone up for sale in our small cul de sac. They want to buy it. There is no reason why they shouldn't. They are nice people. They are respectful of our privacy. They are great with the kids. But I don't want them to live in our street and can't even explain why. I think I probably am being unreasonable and unfair, but I am feeling that this is our street, our life, and it feels like a bit of an invasion.

I am fully prepared to be flamed here, or maybe for someone to offer some insight into why I am feeling like this.

OP posts:
RawShark · 17/10/2012 20:05

THat's really very close and would make me a bit Shock also. Not that I have a hidden secret double life or do anything I shouldn't but still.....

However DO count your blessing they sound wonderful so maybe you coudl find them a house next street over Grin

What does DH think?

starfishmummy · 17/10/2012 20:08

Yanbu!!

Onlyaphase · 17/10/2012 20:09

I'd say too close as well.

It is the fact that they'll see you come and go all the time, know when you're in, when you leave in the morning, if you were late putting your bins out....all sorts of things that could, if they felt like it, feel like an invasion of privacy.

If you're the sort of person who might get a bit put out if PIL say "oh, good you've finally cut your grass, it was getting too long and we all said it was time it was done" then it probably isn't a good idea.

sooperdooper · 17/10/2012 20:11

I'd feel the same, far too close, same town fine but same street - eeeek no :(

JustFabulous · 17/10/2012 20:12

I understand your worries but you can't tell your PIL where they can live and if they get wind of your less than positive feelings towards them being close, it will never go back to how it was before.

SugariceAndScary · 17/10/2012 20:12

A bit too close for comfort even when they are lovely IL's.

They've got to sell their current place first so plan a strategy as to why it's not such a good idea.

ChickenFillet · 17/10/2012 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpookhettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/10/2012 20:15

They sound lovely people. My ILs are (mostly) lovely too, however I wouldn't want them to be neighbours. Like you I have no valid reasons why I wouldn't want them to live a few doors down. I just wouldn't.

Therefore, yanbu in my eyes but we are both probably bu :o

spondulix · 17/10/2012 20:17

YANBU!

What Onlyaphase said - as nice as they are they will be in your lives 24/7. Who knows - they might actually find it a bit much, too, maybe they haven't thought it through.

Original poster
pjd · 17/10/2012 20:18

Thanks for speedy replies!! Rawshark, DH is excited at the prospect! We are now at a stage in our lives when we have nothing to hide (not so much the case 10 years ago, before kids, when we would always be trying to hide hangovers and such like!) He thinks it would be great to have babysitters at our beck and call and likes the idea of them being so close so we can be on hand as they are getting older. I do see his point of view. I wouldn't mind so much if it was a few streets away, but unfortunately it's the only house in their price bracket on our estate. Onlyaphase - you are spot on, that's exactly the kind of thing that would bug me! Chickenfillet, I wish I was brave enough to tell them not to, but as Justfabulous said, this would affect our relationship with them.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 17/10/2012 20:20

Dear god, no, YANBU. But tricky if it's the only possible house in the area!

FiatCunto · 17/10/2012 20:20

My outlaws live right next door!

It was a bit tough going when dd was born. Mil struggled with boundaries but since then all has been good.

If you don't want them to liberal so close it is best to say now, otherwise the resentment will probably just fester away.

lurkedtoolong · 17/10/2012 20:20

YANBU at all. My ILs are generally quite lovely (although I have bitched on here before about them) but that would be far, far too close. I would feel the same about my own parents. I'd hate to live so close to either set of parents.

I'm not quite sure what you can do about it though.

FiatCunto · 17/10/2012 20:21

Oh and it is brilliant for baby sitting.

StuntGirl · 17/10/2012 20:24

Would it really be a case of babysitters on tap and them at your beck and call? Or is it more likely they'll have their own lives and not want to be ready at your whims? (not saying you would be but wondering if your husband has a slightly idealised view?)

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 17/10/2012 20:24

Gosh, I dont even know when my next door neighbour leave her house, come back, do her shopping, take her bins out, etc.

To know this, I would sit by my front room window 24/7.

But I dont. I am busy.

Incidentally I have my home office in our front room, and I still dont notice, even if she has to walk right past my window! (other side of small fence)

I think you are overreacting.

ChickenFillet · 17/10/2012 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonBreeland · 17/10/2012 20:26

YANBU, like lurked I would feel the same about my parents too.

Just the idea of them knowing when I was in or out, getting home late, anything like that and commenting on it would drive me mad.

Chubfuddler · 17/10/2012 20:28

That is very close but you cannot say anything. You just can't.

One of my friends has lived across the road from her bil and SIL for over ten years without any probs. they don't live in each other's pockets.

spondulix · 17/10/2012 20:29

NotQuint - it's different for you though, you don't have an active interest in your neighbour's life (I assume).

Also, the OP hasn't said but you are obviously very busy and it's possible the PILs are retired so will have more time on their hands.

OP I have no idea how you can approach this, sorry. I am a pretty forthright person but I would struggle.

Trills · 17/10/2012 20:31

I would not be keen either.

Bobyan · 17/10/2012 20:31

Run, run like the wind.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/10/2012 20:32

I would hate this - they will be in and out of your home all the time and you will never have any warning as to when they'll drop in. So no shagging dh on the dining room table, just in case mil gets an eyeful! I would have to tell them that it feels a bit too close. Failing that, make up something about the house, which puts them off buying it.

cozietoesie · 17/10/2012 20:33

I've lived in two places where many families were likely to be living within 4 or 5 houses of each other - for life! They both worked well because people instinctively realized that if you're living that close for a long time, you have to maintain boundaries from the start. So no schmoozing in an out for cups of coffee and chats all the time but a degree of formality even between eg siblings and parents/children.

I can understand your uneasiness though. Have you thought that they might also be a little uneasy and maybe just moving close because they recognize the practicalities of not living in a flood zone; and also of ageing?

TooMuchRain · 17/10/2012 20:33

It's quite close but could be handy for both of you as long as you're clear on boundaries and it would be really nice for your DCs to have them so close