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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Schools rewarding badly behaved children

236 replies

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:07

I am sick of DS's school rewarding the children who are frequently naughty, unruly in class and cause misery to the other children. Ds has been having bother with such a child at school, I have had to visit his teacher twice this term to explain how upset he has been. He was withdrawn from playtime for a week for hitting and punching my DS. First week back in the playgound and he is rewarded star of the week. It stinks! What about the children who are well behaved and try on a daily basis? I understand the school are trying to encourage good behaviour but I think it is demoralising for the others.

OP posts:

monkeysbignuts · 15/10/2012 19:59

mrsjay it pains me to say or admit this but I am sure that is the route my dn is going to take :(

EverybodysSpookyEyed · 15/10/2012 20:01

It isn't either or. Why can't all kids be subject to praise according to their ability/behaviour?

Not sure why this has turned into a bad vs good debate. At primary level kids aren't really bad - they are just learning about everything!

monkeysbignuts · 15/10/2012 20:02

EBD is that younger children?
My nephew attends a local special state secondary school.

McHappyPants2012 · 15/10/2012 20:06

This thread has made me feel shit.

I am sorry my son gets a few more sticker because of his behaviour, I supply the school with DS stickers, as he loves the same sticker every time. It is working the other children are getting alot more time with the TA which in turn means they do more fun things

We save up the stickers for a bigger reward which I buy and give outside school. He currently has 25 so he is saving up for a computer game as he needs 50 for that.

vigglewiggle · 15/10/2012 20:10

I am wondering how so many parents know that their child is quiet and consistently well-behaved. Just wanted to throw in the suggestion that teachers know what they are doing and perhaps your child has not deserved a reward whereas the child who you perceive as 'naughty' does.

Unless you are in the classroom, how could you presume to know who deserves a reward and who doesn't?

hermioneweasley · 15/10/2012 20:11

If it is any comfort, life will reward the kids who manage to behave well all the time, and it will be really tough for the kids with bad behaviour. Adulthood is a bitch like that.

Onceortwice · 15/10/2012 20:11

LOVE your POV Vigglewiggle - really love that one.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 15/10/2012 20:14

No one is bloody saying that the children should not be getting stickers and rewards for their behaviour. We all recognise that they are a great incentive to children with behavioural issues. What we are saying is that ALL children should be rewarded for their efforts/abilities.

If children are having their confidence knocked because they never ever get recognised yet they see other children always being rewarded then that is not right. It is affecting their self esteem and they have issues and feelings too even though they are quiet.

All that is being said is that ALL the children should gets these stickers and rewards for their own merits.

Choufleur · 15/10/2012 20:14

DS got very upset last year as he was never the star of the week (he is a conscientious little boy - not perfect but generally well behaved) and he simply couldn't understand why children in his class who are often naughty got star of the week. He really felt he was being over looked. It's sad that at 6 he felt that he wasn't being good enough - even though he behaviour was often better than others and he did have to try academically at a lot of things to get it right (practising he spelling for example at home).

I'm not saying that other children shouldn't be rewarded but it needs to be fair.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 15/10/2012 20:16

Because the teacher tells me that she is very very very quiet and shy and that she is always good. Thats great but how about letting her know that and rewarding her. She thinks she is rubbish and not good enough. FFS

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 15/10/2012 20:18

Sorry not to have read all the posts but in my dcs primary school the children with special needs would win tokens for good behavior etc and when they got a certain number say 15 tokens their whole class got extra playtime or freechoice time. Win win all round as class supportef each other

EverybodysSpookyEyed · 15/10/2012 20:19

What BonVoyage said

I'm not sure why this has ended in an argument. Rewards for all!

McHappyPants2012 · 15/10/2012 20:19

That sound fantastic idea :) may suggest it to ds teacher

surfingbabies · 15/10/2012 20:20

hazeyjane I asked if you had children as I wondered how you would explain this to a child as all my DC are above and average at everything in school, my DD has worked out how to be naughty to get praise but doesn't understand how being good gets you no where so wanted to know how you came to the conclusion if she'd work out the first then she should automatically know the latter..........but don't worry about replying, I'm out of this thread as the op is getting stick for reasons she didn't put and its turned rather unfair as I thought she had a very good point......from a child's point of view not an adults!!!
Don't take any of the bad comments to heart op, non of them must have experienced what our DC have x

PumpkInDublic · 15/10/2012 20:23

I volunteered in my son's old school Viggle. I noted at the beginning of the thread I didn't like their approach as it was unfair. The new school has a wonderful inclusion policy, a unit of the school is specifically for those who would not suit mainstream and many students have graduated from here to the mainstream classes thanks to the work the teachers and their parents have done. Some of these parents have fought tooth and nail for their child's right to attend a mainstream school and I admire them for doing what was best for their individual child in the circumstances presented.

I bang on about the same for everyone and I do honestly mean it. I was helping with an art project at the old school. I watched a lovely young boy who has both different learning needs to the other children and has physical disabilities be sat at the art table, a potato print put in his hand, his hand held while the TA did four prints with him and be told "Well done, you did a lovely print".

I asked why she didn't give him a proper go. Apparently he got over excited and made a huge mess and shouted with the excitement. . I pointed out it was me who would be cleaning the paint up after the session and asked if I could help him do some prints. We got a huge sheet to cover his clothes and his frame that helped him walk and let him go to town. He had a bloody good time. I didn't begrudge him a second of the time it took to clean the surrounding area.

Every child has the right to experience everything school has to offer, have a fair go and get praise for hard work. Regardless of their needs.

monkeysbignuts · 15/10/2012 20:23

I don't think my Lb is always good but as far as the reports and parents evenings go he is well behaved the vast majority of the time. Plus his academic achievements are showing the same :) he is way above average in maths/English etc.
iwastooearly that's a fantastic idea!

UniS · 15/10/2012 20:24

I love DS's teachers style ... Everyone starts with same amount of "golden time" they can lose time for poor behaviour, they can also gain/ regain time for good . When Ds came home thrilled that he had earned 5 mins "extra" golden time ( he hasn't lost any all term either, hes generally a "good" kid) I asked how it worked. " oh" he said" I go in from break 5 mins early and start golden time, it was brilliant" .

McHappyPants2012 · 15/10/2012 20:27

I don't think other children should miss out on rewards.

Always having there pe kit, spellings, reading, neat writing, helping tidy the classroom, good number work, always trying hard, homework always done, helping someone when hurt ect ect there is just a few from the top of my head.

All children need praise

surfingbabies · 15/10/2012 20:29

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy I'm going to suggest this at the next parents evening it's a fantastic idea!

youarewinning · 15/10/2012 20:37

chandon

*And I don't think kids should be rewarded for good behaviour.

I think good behaviour should be expected.

And bad behaviour punished.

I know that makes me sound about 103*

I think I've just aged 71 years because I agree with this totally!

Beamur · 15/10/2012 20:40

In answer to the question 'how do you know your child is well behaved?' - my reply would be that the previous class teacher told me so. Plus she had a great report.
McHappyPants - don't feel bad - this isn't about demonising the kids, more asking teachers and schools to consider the unforseen consequences of these policies. If getting rewards helps to motivate and empower kids to do well - then fantastic. The only but is that it is not being applied fairly.

youarewinning · 15/10/2012 20:42

I love how my DS year 4 teachers have changed gden time to reward time this year.

Basically every child gets rewarded through reward time and those who misbehave lose it 5 minutes at a time - simple but effective.
Also they decide as a class what the reward will be because when it was small groups with limited numbers some choldren couldn't chose what they wanted to do. As the teacher said where's the incentive to behave if their reward is not something they actually want to do.

Last week the whole year group had a game of rounders - DS said it was fab!!!

JustArgh · 15/10/2012 20:43

I just think it is sending out the wrong signals. Do something naughty, repent and you'll be rewarded.

This is the basic premise of Christianity. YABU OP. Ask yourself - what would Jesus do?

BellaTheGymnast · 15/10/2012 20:46

It's a million years since I was at school, but I don't remember any of this stuff with charts and jars of pasta etc. Sometimes if your work was really good you'd get a star on it. That makes more sense to me because each child is being marked against their own standard, rather than competing against each other.
I used to teach FE, where the teenagers expected something for every tiny bit of effort put in, wonder whether all these charts etc are building that.

EBDTeacher · 15/10/2012 20:53

'Last week the whole year group had a game of rounders'

Not a good week, then, for the good kids who tried really hard but hate rounders?

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