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Original poster

Schools rewarding badly behaved children

236 replies

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:07

I am sick of DS's school rewarding the children who are frequently naughty, unruly in class and cause misery to the other children. Ds has been having bother with such a child at school, I have had to visit his teacher twice this term to explain how upset he has been. He was withdrawn from playtime for a week for hitting and punching my DS. First week back in the playgound and he is rewarded star of the week. It stinks! What about the children who are well behaved and try on a daily basis? I understand the school are trying to encourage good behaviour but I think it is demoralising for the others.

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 15/10/2012 19:15

Surely if a child can work out that by misbehaving and then being good, they will get a reward then the child should be able to understand the concept that a child receives more rewards, 'because that child struggles normally and is consistently in trouble, going to head etc, therefore when they are well behaved the teacher HAS to encourage them to continue on that path.'.

McHappyPants2012 · 15/10/2012 19:15

I am not so sure about the 'good' children anymore.

The good children would take things off my son and as he couldn't communicate he would bite or hit them. It wasn't until a supply teacher was covering she noticed this. I dread to think how many times he was labeled the naughty child just because he couldn't deal with that social situation.

Since it was flagged the school put in motion a plan and so fair in the last 6 months he has not hit or bitten another child.

Sometimes I think that the route of the problem should be found, because there maybe a simple reason behind it.

surfingbabies · 15/10/2012 19:19

hazeyjane do you have children?

Onceortwice · 15/10/2012 19:20

The only thing this thread has shown me is:

  1. I am right to take my child out of state school
  2. I was right to never make my other child go to state school.

That is all. The whole 'one size fits all' isn't fitting anyone at all.

hazeyjane · 15/10/2012 19:21

Yes I do, 5 and 6 year old dds and a 2 year old ds.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 15/10/2012 19:24

I explain it to DS like this. You have learning to do about reading, maths etc. Child X has learning to do about behaviour. You get your golden tickets for your work. He gets his for following instructions, sitting well on the carpet, and so on.

Your DCs school should have a policy that rewards each child for their own merit OP. It's not so hard to do.

Mrsjay · 15/10/2012 19:26

Yabu. The child had had his punishment...playtime removed...then he was rewarded for his good behaviour the following week. How is that bad?

this
children who are repeatedly naughty do seem to get all the rewards and it can seem the others are not getting any attention but for a child to be good in class and not hitting somebody that week is an achievement, but the child offended was punished then got a reward for good behaviour you can't keep telling a child they are naughty,

2MumsAreBetterThan1 · 15/10/2012 19:26

My son is the naughty kid you all seem to hate so much, and yes he does find it harder to behave due to the multiple disabities he has.

If he has a good day why should he not be rewarded for it, the bad days we try and ignore and realise that is life for us.

Seeing as most of are so jealous of the so called naughty kids getting rewards, wantto swap? Let's see how you feel when it's you parenting such a child.

And before any one says the naughty kids in my childs class, not one person in school knows my son has special needs, it's confidential so he could well be the strange naughty child people are so quick to judge.

Onceortwice · 15/10/2012 19:28

Mine too, 2mums, I know my DS is seen as the naughty one. Which is why he isn't going back.

monkeysbignuts · 15/10/2012 19:32

I agree with you op.
my nephew is in a special school (for naughty children) he has had a diagnosis of adhd revoked (because it is all behavioural & not medical) yet he is always getting rewarded when he is a shit most of the time. It drives me mental.
he's 14 now so soon leaving school with stuff all because no one showed him any tough love.

TheFallenMadonna · 15/10/2012 19:33

My DC absolutely get that some children struggle to be good in a way that DS, for example, struggles to connect with a football. He would get great kudos for kicking the ball, but not for in class, because he is pretty good at that. His friend, who is good at football, wouldn't get cheered for simply making a pass.

Rewarding children for things they find easy isn't very effective. You need to find something that is hard for each child to achieve, and celebrate any success.

I love my DC's school.

alemci · 15/10/2012 19:33

yes, i can relate to your frustration. when working in a mixed secondary comp i used to see it alot. also the challenging kids would get away with things that the nice kids used to get picked up on. e.g. wrong uniform. one of the CK never wore a blazer but seemed to get away with it. another of the run of the mill kids would get detention for having their shirt untucked.

the good well behaved kids and those in the middle were always overlooked.

Alot of the TAs felt the same about the situation

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 15/10/2012 19:33

FFS We aren't jealous of the naughty kids. We are not saying that they should not get rewards. Just because a child is very quiet and behaving, doesn't mean they don't have issues and need rewards and encouragement too.

All that has been said is that there should be a fair system where quieter children should be acknowledged too.

I feel like I'm repeating myself. I'm refering everyone to Tiggytape's replies

PumpkInDublic · 15/10/2012 19:35

"Rewarding children for things they find easy isn't very effective. You need to find something that is hard for each child to achieve, and celebrate any success. " YY! And YY to Tiggy and Bon.

Hmm to how I suddenly hate a child for wanting all children to receive praise and attention once in a while.

Onceortwice · 15/10/2012 19:38

I do agree that the 'naughty children' get to play the system whereas the 'good kids' get hauled up...

I have a friend (child in the same class as my DS) who had two days holidays in term time rejected, whereas I said I was taking out DS for a week because it coincided with my DD's healf term and they agreed in a heartbeat.

Agree that double standards like that are tough.

alistron1 · 15/10/2012 19:42

Sometimes a 'naughty' child has to be rewarded/praised on an hour by hour basis as a strategy to manage behaviour. Sometimes the reasons for being 'naughty' are rather complex and such strategies might seem 'odd' to outsiders. However, positive behaviour management really does work.

monkeysbignuts · 15/10/2012 19:45

it never worked for my nephew. He was only supposed to attend the first year of special school then return to mainstream. sorry but some kids don't want to adapt.

SunshineOutdoors · 15/10/2012 19:49

I don't think, for the most part, 'badly behaved' kids enjoy acting that way. I don't think they have a plan to be badly behaved for a while and then have one good week so they can scoop the prize. A lot of 'badly behaved' kids have something they may find difficult, feel insecure or unloved in some way, or feel unable to process negative emotions in a constructive way.

I know it must be difficult to see other kids who behave well all the time missing out on the prize, but I think kids can also be very understanding about some children finding things harder than others and when they do do well it's an achievement that does need to be recognised in order to motivate them to keep trying.

Having said that, I can also see that it could look like rewarding a child who has hurt another child, but he should imo have had some consequence for that behaviour and once that consequence occurred then it should be a clean slate. He should then be as eligible a candidate for the next 'star of the week' prize as anyone else.

It does make it hard for the 'always' children (always listen, always work hard, always kind) who can get overlooked and yes this is unfair, but if it's any consolation they ate the ones who are obviously well adjusted children who will do well at school with or without a prize.

Maybe you could treat your dc at home to let them know how proud you are of their behaviour at school?

alistron1 · 15/10/2012 19:53

Also in schools a 'fresh start' mentality is essential. So kid x might do something naughty on a Monday, but that behaviour SHOULDN'T define how we treat them/expectations for the rest if the week.

Obviously we have the same standards for all children with regard to behaviour, but sometimes some children will need extra support/individual strategies to meet those standards. Just as in other areas (ie academic subjects) of school life.

SunshineOutdoors · 15/10/2012 19:53

They didn't eat the ones who are well adjusted, they are the ones who are well adjusted Blush

Titchyboomboom · 15/10/2012 19:54

I agree with rewarding for improved behaviour but maybe over a longer period e.g. a week of no trouble and they get a sticker ... so they learn that it is consistent behaviour.

When I was at school there was a girl there who had massive trouble concentrating and when she wrote a page without wandering round the classroom and causing trouble (even though she filled the page with 6 massive words as she got wise to it) she got a reward. As a result I thought you got rewards for filling pages with massive letters and followed suit... and got told off :( Confusing!!!

shuffleballchange · 15/10/2012 19:54

Sometimes 'naughty' children aren't actually naughty but don't have the upbringing the 'good' children have. Getting a star on their chart for sitting still for ten minutes may be the only praise they get that day/week. Reading this thread has made me sad, some of you need to open your eyes, the world isn't as black and white as you seem to see it as.

Mrsjay · 15/10/2012 19:56

sorry but some kids don't want to adapt.

Some Kids don't know how to adapt which is sad because those children usually end up in jail and it is just a horrible cycle

EverybodysSpookyEyed · 15/10/2012 19:58

No one is saying the 'naughty' children shouldn't be rewarded. Every child should be rewarded for effort and/or achievement. This should not just be behaviour related but cover all spheres.

All I would like is for ds to be recognised when he does something that is good for him. I had tears at bedtime because he and his friend did pictures whIch I know he finds hard to do (he has never really drawn pictures before this term). His friend was given a sticker and he was told well done. He said it must be because he didn't draw good enough clouds (he is 5 so I can't imagine the teacher said that but it is his interpretation) so he will do another picture tomorrow with clouds. I am pretty certain he will not get a sticker tomorrow either but we will see.

It is heartbreaking when your child is so eager to please and be recognised but they are constantly overlooked. its also demoralising for him because he is now being self critical about things he shouldn't be at this age

EBDTeacher · 15/10/2012 19:59

I teach children whose behaviour would turn the hairs of a certain section of MN. Some of them have done truly unspeakble things and all have been completely out of control in mainstream. All of the current lot are in KS1.

I can, hand on my heart, say that not one of them wants to be like that.