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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Schools rewarding badly behaved children

236 replies

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:07

I am sick of DS's school rewarding the children who are frequently naughty, unruly in class and cause misery to the other children. Ds has been having bother with such a child at school, I have had to visit his teacher twice this term to explain how upset he has been. He was withdrawn from playtime for a week for hitting and punching my DS. First week back in the playgound and he is rewarded star of the week. It stinks! What about the children who are well behaved and try on a daily basis? I understand the school are trying to encourage good behaviour but I think it is demoralising for the others.

OP posts:
MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 15/10/2012 14:33

I agree.

My DS was picked on repeatedly by another child - kicking, punching, biting, destroying his work. My son was soooooo miserable.

The next I hear this child gets free karate lessons when everyone else has to pay. Shock

Yes, teacher. Teach him how to kick harder and more effectively. Hmm

IMO she was worse than he was after that. :(

PropositionJoe · 15/10/2012 14:35

You do have a point, op, but remember that five year olds don't see things with the clarity that adults do.

Chandon · 15/10/2012 14:35

I agree OP.

Woozley · 15/10/2012 14:35

Schools definitely need to look at ways of rewarding the children who are well behaved day in day out.

This too. The only prizes in my primary school were at the end of the year. The Year Prize, for the ONE pupil who had performed outstandingly well all year, and progress prizes for those who had made the most improvement. I won the year prize in reception, but then another boy won it every single year after that. And never got a progress prize as I was always consistent. One teacher bought me a special Class Prize off her own back as she thought I had tried so hard that year but obviously had just fallen short of the Year Prize. Actually it was nicer than getting the year prize as it was so thoughtful of her and more personal.

I much prefer the more regular rewards systems in schools now.

Chandon · 15/10/2012 14:36

And I don't think kids should be rewarded for good behaviour.

I think good behaviour should be expected.

And bad behaviour punished.

I know that makes me sound about 103

Whistlingwaves · 15/10/2012 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 15/10/2012 14:36

My dd actually thinks shes not good enough because she's not getting rewards when the others are. Just because she's quiet and behaves all the time, she should get rewards too

lljkk · 15/10/2012 14:36

I suppose I go with the premise of The Explosive Child, which is that Children Will Do Well if they Can. Chronic misbehaviour means that behaving well is hard for them, not proof that they're evil little toe-rags.

GossipWitch · 15/10/2012 14:38

The thing is how do you try and encourage a naughty child to be good? usually by giving a reward when they are. A badly behaved child is going to receive around 9 negative comments to every 1 positive comment, its reversed for well behaved children, the well behaved ones may not seem to get noticed for awards etc but I bet their teacher is very quick to say "oooh what a lovely piece of work" or "you read fantastically", and of course "thank you for being so helpful". Although I do agree that there should be 2 types of rewarding for consistently well behaved children, and children that have made the effort not to punch another child that day. But so that either child doesn't know the difference. (btw I have a child with behavioural problems and haven't seen a star of the day/week award in years, however he does get certificates to commend him for settling in well, etc)

PropertyNightmare · 15/10/2012 14:38

Yanbu. The schools are in a no win position though really. They are lumbered with kids they struggle to deal with or control.

Bonsoir · 15/10/2012 14:38

I think that in large classrooms/schools, the good, quiet children often get overlooked and treated as if they had no needs.

Angry
ReallyTired · 15/10/2012 14:40

I completely agree. The school where I used to work at had a fanastic points system. The children gain points for handing work in on time, wearing correct uniform, service to the community, working hard in lessons and lost points for bad behaviour, getting detentions. Each half term there was a rewards afternoon where children who had more than 250 points were given a nice activity. The children with less than 200 points were forced to write out the school rules.

socharlotte · 15/10/2012 14:41

prepositionjoe- you are kidding? 5 yr olds are the world experts on 'that's not fair!!'

socharlotte · 15/10/2012 14:42

haha proposition not preposition!!

Bonsoir · 15/10/2012 14:42

My DD's school has a points programme for behaviour. The children get 10 points every Monday and try to retain them all week. The teacher writes how many points out of ten a child still has on Friday. DD has never yet lost a point.

This doesn't mean anyone pays any particular attention to her, however.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs · 15/10/2012 14:42

I guess, coming from the opposite side of this, as the parent of an exceptionally difficult and "naughty" child, that it is of course vital that they are punished and taught that their behaviour is wrong, but sometimes they need those positive pushes to show them that they can be rewarded for better behaviour.

Unfortunately for some children, better than usual is still regarded as bad to some parents, but when you have a child that barely sleeps, never sits still, hits out on impulse and generally does mean things to people, it is really a big breakthrough to have them not do those things for a day... so it is reward-able.

When your child is constantly naughty, finding the good in there to try and do positive reinforcement can be hard, so it might very well seem unfair to other parents.

My only other though on this is, that perhaps these children get classes for free and trips or "rewards" because the source of their bad behaviour is partially down to their social circumstances, and the teachers believe that alleviating that difference and allowing the child to participate along with all the other children will be another opportunity to show the child how to behave well?

EBDTeacher · 15/10/2012 14:43

Threads like this make me sad.

Do you all remember you are talking about a little child not a career-choice, violent criminal? Would you have so little empathy for a child who was unable to form peer relationships or access an educational setting for medical reasons?

Lancelottie · 15/10/2012 14:43

I think you have your priorities wrong. I'd say 'it stinks' if they had ignored the original bad behaviour, yes.

But they didn't. They dealt with it (or tried to).

So why is your gripe with the positive praise they then offered this child?

pimmsgalore · 15/10/2012 14:43

OP this gets to me too, my DD went all the way through term the first term last year and was not star of the week, the naughty child got it twice.

DD then worked it out (she was only 4 at the time) and said to me "mummy don't worry I know how to behave but I am going to be naughty from Monday to Thursday next week, then on Friday I will be good and I will get star of the week"

Guess what she was star of the week the first week of the second term (having been called in about her behaviour twice that week after school)

Shakirasma · 15/10/2012 14:44

What a horrible thread.

Tell you what, let's just write all these 'naughty children' off now shall we?

Bonsoir · 15/10/2012 14:45

Not all badly-behaved children come from disadvantaged backgrounds. At my DD's school there are no children from disadvantaged backgrounds. There are some spoiled children and there are some very indulgent parents, however.

Onceortwice · 15/10/2012 14:45

My son has HFA (that's high functioning autism). He is cleverer than your child. Doesn't matter what your child's IQ, my child has a higher one. I can assure you of that.

My son doesn't get social rules. He's clueless. He got beaten up (he is in reception year, just 4YO) on Friday for not understanding the social rules.

he doesn't warrant a statement because he's not 'failing'. Excellent.

I am currently deregistering him from school because of posts / attitudes like these. Why should my DS not be praised for what he does well, even if it doesn't fit into your idea of what he should do?

Nah... you won't see it.. which is why I will deregister.

Lancelottie · 15/10/2012 14:47

Incidentally, if I only had DD, I would probably be guilty of the same resentful feeling about the 'bad boys getting the good stuff'.

But given that we also have one with the kind of SEN that meant a day spent IN the classroom at all was a triumph to be celebrated... well, you kind of see it from both sides.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs · 15/10/2012 14:48

I never thought that my daughter having her own behaviour chart at school would be frowned upon by other parents :(

Thing is, we have to keep a behaviour book and log her good and bad behaviour as she is waiting to be assessed right now, and since her silly behaviour is distracting the other children, it's helping to have her chart to work towards something. It also means I can continue it through to home as I have the same chart here and it encourages her to reign herself in and try hard to behave.

I guess if you don't have a child with those sorts of behavioural issues, it can be difficult to see expected normal behaviour as good or an achievement, but in my house it really is.

Ephiny · 15/10/2012 14:49

I'm not sure the patronising treatment and low expectations actually do help the 'naughty children' though. Is there any evidence for it? Or might it actually reinforce their 'naughty child' status?

No one is talking about writing them off or labelling them, quite the opposite in fact - just treating them like everyone else (and giving them the chance to rise to the challenge).