Schools rewarding badly behaved children

[blondiemommy]

I am sick of DS's school rewarding the children who are frequently naughty, unruly in class and cause misery to the other children. Ds has been having bother with such a child at school, I have had to visit his teacher twice this term to explain how upset he has been. He was withdrawn from playtime for a week for hitting and punching my DS. First week back in the playgound and he is rewarded star of the week. It stinks! What about the children who are well behaved and try on a daily basis? I understand the school are trying to encourage good behaviour but I think it is demoralising for the others.

How about a behaviour tree with 10 leaves for all the children in the class.

These leaves are placed on the tree at the beginning of the term so children know good behaviour is a given and expected by all of them.

If a child misbehaves badly enough then a leaf is removed. However, any leaves that are removed can be earned back by good behaviour.

This way the grey majority of well behaved children are not left out yet again!

Due to some childrens backgrounds it hard for them to behave well

Usually its the only praise the chikdren will ever get and you should think about WHY the chikdren cant apply themselves

My ds was being builled when WE MEET THE DAD WE UNDERSTOOD stright away why the boy was a bully

If you put a flower in the dark it will wither and die but a flower grown in sunshine blooms

Its the same with chikdren

I certainly don't think 'being good' is its own reward, at any age! I mean actual achievements, like top marks on tests (or even middle-range or just improved marks, as not everyone can be top). That was the sort of thing that motivated me as a child anyway, I didn't particularly care about whether I was 'good' or what the teacher thought of me.

Many children are naturally quite competitive, the whole 'it's trying hard/being nice that matters' approach doesn't seem to fit very well with what human nature is actually like, and certainly won't be helpful in the 'real' world.

I know some will say that we can't possibly expect kids from 'difficult' backgrounds to achieve these things, but IMO that may be doing them a disservice. Sometimes I wonder if it might be better for family life etc to stay outside the classroom, give these children the same expectations and boundaries as the others and they may even start to believe they can be just as good as anyone else, that their home problems do not define them.

In my secondary school the worst behaved kept getting trips to Alton Towers and adventure parks. Annoying for all the rest of us.

Oh dear, so my child that has been rewarded 5 times since starting reception in September should be something to worry about?

EBD teacher - you called it for me.

Backing slowly away from this thread because it's a bit too personal for me.

it's not the getting or not getting of stars, smileys, awards....it's a parents job to help their child understand the purpose of their use surely???

Maybe children should be encouraged to feel good about not getting the stars, etc because they are achieving well and nicely behaved...whereas the children getting the stars need these encouragements because they find things more difficult and challenging to achieve.....

How about some of the parents here try to look more positively at this and help their kids understand whats really happening and maybe teach their children that they can be helpful and kind to the kids who struggle more....

instead of resentment, bullying, talking down the 'bad kids', etc and generally making these childrens lives harder by being so judgy pants and just quite bloody horrible really....what are you teaching your lovely little innocents by complaining and buying into this negativity???

See the purpose and help your little darlings understand PROPERLY!!!!

This thread just makes me so sad....judgey mega pants all the way through....it's awful

It IS horrible how people don't consider the troubles some kids have. Some have pissheads for Dads....or Mothers who are ill...or both...or they have undiagnosed Learning difficulties.....or they're struggling because they are only FIVE.

My DD is in reception....she already knows that some DC have a harder time than her. I should hope that those of us who are lucky enough to have a child ith no LDs....or who live in a settled home can have some empathy.

You're objecting to Do something naughty, repent and you'll be rewarded

Not a Christian then, OP?

how is rewarding good behaviour and puncishing bad behaviour, sending out the wrong signals??

I don't get this.

Star of the week is handed out pretty evenly at DS's school and it goes to whoever has made a real effort that week for work or behaviour. There's normally a few selected each week.

The school has punished bad behaviour and has rewarded good behaviour. What on earth is your problem?

Onceortwice, not all parents feel like that/this. I think it's abhorrent. If higher functioning children cannot fit into mainstream education without being the object of hate, then what hope do lower functioning children have? :(

When I was at school the worst bullies all got special trips out with their victims.

Which I thought was a bit stupid. And still do.

I always feel really sad, and a bit despondent when I read these threads. I am the parent of a child with quite severe ADHD. I work my nuts off with him and his behaviour has improved hugely as a result of these sorts of rewards schemes. He is incredibly clever and I despise some of the comments I read on here like "these naughty uncontrollable bullies get dumped on the state system" - where should he be put???? Yes it is crap that your well behaved child doesnt get the same praise, I can understand that. But I bet your child doesnt punch themselves in the face when they get angry and talk about how much they hate themselves repeatedly through frustration when they cant meet behavioural standards either. If my son is 'good' for one day then bloody marvellous bring out the stickers as far as I am concerned because the alternative is a shit day for your kids, his teachers and me. Honest to god, I sometimes think some parents have a kindness bypass.

I've had a bit of an issue with this at DS's school. In reception last year one of his friends was having a 'naughty' patch so the teacher gave him a special reward chart and extra 'free time' at the end of the week if he could be good. Which was fine as it seemed to help him.

However as soon as DS realised it he announced to me that he was going to be naughty so he could get a special reward chart and extra free time on a friday . One stern chat later and thought I'd made him understand that he was most certainly not to be naughty just to get extra free time.

The following week, sure enough, DS had been naughty enough to get a special reward chart . When I told his teacher DS had been trying to get one she said "oh my goodness I didn't realise they were that clever!"

What really takes the biscuit is that they forgot to give him star of the week in reception year (every other child got it, some had it twice). Then when I mentioned to his teacher I was having problems with DS's behaviour at home she said she couldn't believe he was that bad and they wouldn't have any problems at school if every child was like him. So it did feel a bit like' race to the bottom' and the more sensible children being overlooked in DS's class. His new Y1 teacher seems to be a bit more on the ball.

Oh and the title of this thread is a misnomer in itself. The child in question was not rewarded for being badly behaved. They were rewarded for being good after being bad and showing they could meet the schools expectation. Why is that a problem. I am assuming parents of dyslexics wouldnt appreciate a thread saying "why should the children who find getting their letters the wrong way round get extra educational time to help them" so I really dislike threads like this saying that my sons special needs should effectively be ignored purely on the grounds that it is a social, not academic issue causing them.

Happens in my dd's school too, she is a good girl all the time and gets really fed up with it. The other day she said she feels like being naughty and then good again so she gets a reward!
Also she said that if you are well behaved you get ignored :(

maybe this should be addressed through the educational inclusion policies that sometimes just are not appropriate for some children....

Many of the children with emotional/behavioural issues are suffering desperately in schools, unsupported, bullied, floundering...and trying exceptionally hard to 'fit in' and some just can't....but where else is there for these kids to go???...nowhere

My DS has ASD and ADHD...he has been the bad one since he started school, has never managed well, been bullied mercilessly, has been suicidal on and off since he was 6yrs old and is very clearly of the opinion that he is the baddest person he knows and wishes he'd never been born

That's what some kids who can't control impulses, sit still, behave appropriately, communicate well, can't join in easily, don't understand instructions easily, etc, etc, etc are the result of in our schools.....and what??...people here want them more punished, more left out, less understood and less supported...because their angel isn't getting enough stars, awards, etc???.....

back to my 1st post just above....maybe celebrating your angels DON'T need as many incentives, stars, etc and it could be viewed more positively if you taught your kids the real purpose in their use.....instead of breeding more resentments and creating more issues that needn't be there.

But gullifrey the fact is that your daughter (who sounds quite lovely and her comment made me smile) is a good girl, so whilst she may find challenges elsewhere, she is unlikely to grow up with the same significant mental health and self confidence issues children like mine grow up with. Children rarely end up in therapy because they are too good in class. They absolutely do if they are labelled bad early in education and never given a chance or encouragement to change with healthy boundaries and a proactive system of reward and praise.

do those of you who have such opinions on 'these' children, explain to them why they behave the way they do? or do you choose ignorance?

My son has a friend who has adhd and is seen by a lot of the parents at school as 'naughty'. He came round here and threw a stone at my neighbours car, I think that was my fault for not managing his behaviour properly as I had left them to their own devices, it wasn't his fault and he took responsibility and apologised and he still comes round to play now. It's not his fault he is impulsive, his behaviour and attention just needs to be focussed and his day structured. i feel sad some of you cannot see they are just children

I don't know what the answer is to this one. At DS2's school they separate out the badly behaved children - they aren't allowed in class if they are playing up which can look like a great thing for the other children left doing their writing or numeracy or whatever, but the badly behaved children know that it is not a good thing to be out of the class and not allowed to join in. They are made aware that they aren't getting a treat and that being in the class is something to aspire too not to avoid. They also get stars for being good. That isn't a problem as far as I am concerned because I do think you need a carrot and a stick. You can't be totally negative with them or else they have nothing to work for.

On the other hand, having had a child with SEN (DS1) who sinks without trace on the table of merits because he is neither naughty nor conversely able to join in and be helpful or particularly well behaved, I do understand the frustration of seeing the badly behaved children having more stars on the chart. I think you have to talk to your children though, to make sure that they don't lower their standards, that they try to do the best they can for their own sakes rather than to get stickers on a chart.

DS2 did actually get Star of the Week last week for good behaviour and being a role model so in his school I think they have the balance right - but I would say that wouldn't I?!

The other way to reward children is to encourage some feelings of group responsibility. A table/work group/ class or work area get rewarded if all of them are good that way everybody gets rewarded or noticed if they do well but the teachers have to be careful that they do let badly behaved children have more influence on the outcome than all the other children. It shoudln't be the case that one person could ruin things for a whole group.

I am sorry to use the terms these children and 'they', I don't mean that as a sweeping generalisation, i am just finding it difficult to articulate