To of phoned the school and asked them to withdraw this?

[quoteunquote]

The year 7 have been set homework to share in class,

What makes you frightened and why?
When did this fear start?

I know that amongst DS's friends there are children with serious medical situations going on, children with parents with terminal illness, children with dead siblings, children with a dead parent, children that have suffered serious sexual abuse, children in care, a child who's older sibling has had recently very nearly successful suicide attempts, and children with parents who have mental illness, and children who are facing homelessness.

I feel that this is a situation where, "Can opened and worms all over the place." will sum up the situation nicely,

I don't feel that children sharing these kind issues with their peers is going to do either side much good, even the children sharing normal fears are going to be laid open to teasing.

I know that the children that are receiving counselling and support are having that structured very carefully, none of the people proving those services have been contacted to advice on this.

So my first AIBU, strapping hat on.

is a link to the thread I started last night, asking this question in chat, without the reason why, I did so as I wanted to see what responses to such a question would be, because I have now have phoned the school to express concern, I thought I would ask for the MN views while I wait for someone to phone me back.

edith - RE homework

Oh honestly, when I read stuff like this about teachers it's obvious some teachers have no clue whatsoever about small children!!!

Share your fears with 30 other kids? You have to be fucking joking!

I think you are really over reacting. Children will only say what they are comfortable in revealing.

As someone earlier said, do you not trust the teacher? Believe it or not teachers are trained-not in psychology as questioned above-but in disclosure. They spend more time with most children than parents/carers and are often the ones who do initially deal with revelations. They then pass this on to the relevant person as part of child protection/AEN/safeguarding.

I'm afraid you come across as somewhat of an untrained busybody, knowing everyone's business. This is further compounded by the fact that, from the sounds of it, you have been stirring this situation up with other parents.

Please do call the school and ask about procedure, but do be aware that in Yr7 your child will be seen as the one with an interfering, slightly OTT parent.

DS is home today with a bad cold and I have just asked him about it. He actually did it for English not RE so I stand corrected.

He said his fears were spiders (and he regularly gets rid of them for me!), snakes, hospitals, doctors and dentists. He has no idea what others said as it was just seen but the teacher.

One of the problems that we(those of us here involved) are concerned about is that even if these children who have these situations going on write something like, "I'm frightened of spiders, it started when I was six."

The more sensitive subjects of death, abuse,loss of family .............whatever,
will come up when an another child uses it as their example, then the discussions on that subject might not be appropriately supported, nor suitable for the child who is already in the situation.

The problem is someone's greatest fear is someone else reality.

YANBU

On my second teaching practice I asked my class (year 12) to share something about an event in their childhood which had shaped the person they are today.

Within 10 minutes 2 of the girls were crying, and I didn't know what to do with the sad stories they ended up telling.

Never again.

"Children will only say what they are comfortable in revealing."

My child is perfectly comfortable revealing his unconventional background (at the moment) - I haven't yet met a teacher who was better trained to deal with it than me

It still isn't appropriate for him to discuss it in class until he is able to deal with the outcome (and I don't think he will be by 11) because it is a classic that adoptive children are commonly bullied about it.

I'm touched by your faith that all teachers are better trained than I am to deal with issues to do with his adoption/institutionalisation and baffled as it hasn't been my experience so far His previous teacher wasn't even able to deal with "why did your real mum give you up" which isn't really that tricky.

Shagmundfreud - I think I love you. I'm so glad you said that.

My ds would do something daft like reveal he was afraid of the dark as he'd want to please the teacher then get the piss ripped out of him by his class mates for the rest of his time at school!

my youngest dd (10) in Y6 confided in circle time about fears that she was frightened of being in a small space after seeing her grandad's coffin - so next week the class little shit bully locked her in the equipment cupboard - teacher had to ring me up to come and get her she was so hysterical.

The girl KNEW and she did that.... imagine what it would be like with spiders/slugs etc for kids with actual phobias..... even simple fears can get used by the wrong kids....

Shag on teaching practice you should have been observed by a qualified teacher who could have supported the situation.

My school has just been OFSTEDed and the science teacher was criticised for not discussing the 'social and moral issues' in a lesson about igneous rock formation.
Like it or not, we are TOLD to include an element of social education in everything we do. I would think that RE is the perfect place to begin such work. If I ever set anything sensitive (I teach English) I would vet them before sharing in class. I also regularly let them know that they never have to tell me anything personal, in written or oral work. Teachers tend to know 'bits' about pupils issues but not details and it is impossible to avoid all difficult subjects. I taught pupils whose siblings had been stabbed to death. Should I then avoid discussing how Macbeth feels after the murder of Duncan?
When I taught in a school where many of the pupils had very tricky backgrounds (from war zones, sexual and physical abuse, bereavement, etc) I found that they liked best of all to be treated exactly like everybody else.
I've never had any training on how to deal with adopted children, and doubt that I would know if there are any in my school. I have however, training on looked after children, and I know who they are.
The education system is far from perfect, but on MN there seems to be a tendency to blame the teachers specifically rather than the system.

Shagmundfreud

thanks, I suspect that this will cause a lot to cry, some have cried already because they are worried about the homework.

it will not take much for most of these children to crack up, they are all finding school a difficult environment to be, each day is stressful because they are carrying these issues about with them, school is hard enough when you are a child even if you do not have problems.

Kew surely if there is a situation where something isn't "appropriate" to discuss at 11, the child should be told this by the person who doesn't want them discussing it IYSWIM?

I still maintain if children talk about it, then they want to.

That said, I do work in an AMAZING school with excellent pastoral care/small numbers so my views may be coloured.

Bytheway I do hope the girl in question has been dealt with. That is surely the issue not the discussion topic. It must have been awful for your DD.

YABU
This has been set by a very young or very insensitive teacher.
Is anyone brave enough to go over to the TES website and find out whether this is part of the NC?

elinorbellowed - completely OT, but how does igneous rock formation have any sort of 'social and moral issues' at all?

YANBU doh!

no problem with social elements in any lesson. "tell us what you are scared of and when it started" at 11 not necessary.

I don't blame the teacher for not being prepared for unusual situations, I do think they aren't equipped to deal with the issues raised and should phrase things as far as possible to avoid situations they cant handle which can affect children very deeply.

My son is yr7 and I always ask him what homework he has, if he needs help and what he is going to do for the answer.

If he had this homework I would simply tell him to put something generalised - like being afraid of heights.

I taught pupils whose siblings had been stabbed to death. Should I then avoid discussing how Macbeth feels after the murder of Duncan?

I would hope that they were along with their carers/parents pre warned that the subject was going to be discussed, so they could make an informed decision as to if they were able to partake, and their carers could put in place support.

of course subjects should be covered, but I do think that this is opening up very vulnerable children to ridicule and a situation where they are not in control.

I think it is questionable as homework. Even if children pick answers such as spiders it potentially leaves them open for bullying. The teachers barely know the Yr7 and some of them undoubtedly have difficult lives and you can't necessarily tell by looking at their behaviour in school. One of the most lively and outgoing boys in Yr7 when I was in school committed suicide in Yr8 (aged 12) because of ongoing problems at home. I wonder how he would have answered this question?

Yanbu.

My son has no fears at all, he has austism and its part of it.
He would fail because he has no fears to discuss.

It could also have a negative affect. A child with problems could feel worse about himself/more alone because everybody else's fears are about "spiders". They will not always realise other people will not always be telling all, even if they themselves are not.

Yanbu. My children have had happy childhoods.

I have a y7 son who would have said something generic like spiders or heights.

His sister is in Y5 and likes to impress her teacher. I can imagine her considering a fear like spiders to be a white lie and to come up with something really bad like death even though she has not experienced it. If she had experienced a traumatic event I can imagine her being honest and writing about it as it's a "proper" fear.

shewhowines That very point was made by a friend earlier, It will make the children feel even more ostracised than ever.

Nokidshere

Autism is playing a large part in this, as truthfulness and taking things literally, are not things that are non negotiable for most children on the spectrum.