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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To of phoned the school and asked them to withdraw this?

141 replies

quoteunquote · 15/10/2012 12:21

The year 7 have been set homework to share in class,

What makes you frightened and why?
When did this fear start?

I know that amongst DS's friends there are children with serious medical situations going on, children with parents with terminal illness, children with dead siblings, children with a dead parent, children that have suffered serious sexual abuse, children in care, a child who's older sibling has had recently very nearly successful suicide attempts, and children with parents who have mental illness, and children who are facing homelessness.

I feel that this is a situation where, "Can opened and worms all over the place." will sum up the situation nicely,

I don't feel that children sharing these kind issues with their peers is going to do either side much good, even the children sharing normal fears are going to be laid open to teasing.

I know that the children that are receiving counselling and support are having that structured very carefully, none of the people proving those services have been contacted to advice on this.

So my first AIBU, strapping hat on.

is a link to the thread I started last night, asking this question in chat, without the reason why, I did so as I wanted to see what responses to such a question would be, because I have now have phoned the school to express concern, I thought I would ask for the MN views while I wait for someone to phone me back.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 15/10/2012 12:43

YANBU. It is not up to the class teacher to give some kind of psychology essay to 7 year olds. Especially ones who have had or have extremely serious problems to deal with. Of course some children will choose spiders and scary books but I don't think the teacher has really realised what implications it might have.

Pagwatch · 15/10/2012 12:44

Blu, I would have more of a problem with 'the worst thing that ever happened to me' .

MissAnnersley · 15/10/2012 12:45

They are not 7 they are Year 7.

Original poster
quoteunquote · 15/10/2012 12:46

I linked them because when i started the thread in chat I was just interested in how adults would respond to the question,

I started the thread here after receiving phone calls this morning from other parents and carers who had on tackling the homework this weekend expressed concerns, and I thought that including the links was polite, as the people who wrote on the first one might be interested why the question was asked, and that anyone on this thread might be interested in the responses on the other thread.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 15/10/2012 12:48

YABU a little I know children go through trauma but i do think schools are good at what they do in this sort of thing and if a child has a lot of crisis and trauma in their life they would tend to put I am scared of spiders or the dark , I don't think the school is being insensitive and year 7 they are not little children and it is ok to talk about things that frighten them

freddiefrog · 15/10/2012 12:48

I can see where you're coming from,

I'm a foster carer, and our FC did this topic last year in Year 7. FC is in care following a horrific childhood, but they chose spiders and the cause was because one fell on them while they were in bed

Kewcumber · 15/10/2012 12:48

You don't 'help' children by suddenly introducing a bit of public disclosure in an open classroom when you have no therapeutic experience!!! quite

and this...

But for some children inappropriate disclosure to all and every stranger is part of the problem legacy of disturbance.

Doesn't it seem very early on to be expected to open up to your class mates when you've just moved schools and don't know many people well just yet?

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 12:49

do you not trust the teacher?

WelshMaenad · 15/10/2012 12:49

"You don't 'help' children by suddenly introducing a bit of public disclosure in an open classrom when you have no therapeutic experience!!!"

Quite.

I don't think YABU by wanting assurances on how this is going to be handled.

LauraShigihara · 15/10/2012 12:50

I'm with Pag on this one. I had a terrifying father who's drunken beatings were my worst nightmare. But to have revealed that in class... No, no bloody way would I have stood up and told my peers about it.

Spiders. That's what I would have said.

The homework is about fears, not deep family secrets.

Mintyy · 15/10/2012 12:50

I think some children will take it literally and write something like "One of my parents dying". I'm not 100% convinced that discussion around subjects like this are all that helpful amongst 11 and 12 year olds, so I kinda know where you are coming from op. Perhaps in a 6th form, but not when the children are still children.

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 12:50

yes i think you should just check but also not presume the teacher was thinking of the deepest darkest emotional issues.

probably was just spiders

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/10/2012 12:51

YABU... I bet most of them answer 'Daleks'...

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 12:51

or YOUR FACE

Grin
Kewcumber · 15/10/2012 12:52

i do think schools are good at what they do in this sort of thing ha ha ha ha ha.

I have a meeting every year with DS's teacher to explain to DS's adoption is NOT a show and tell topic and they are not to turn it into one. They have NO idea how to handle "why did your real mum give you up" which crops up regularly and I have to give them sound bites to use.

Of I would tell DS to lie and say "spiders" but given that its RE homework I hardly think thats what the teacher is aiming for!

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2012 12:52

Am I the only one who is absolutely stunned that in a class of 33 children there are... children with serious medical situations going on, children with parents with terminal illness, children with dead siblings, children with a dead parent, children that have suffered serious sexual abuse, children in care, a child who's older sibling has had recently very nearly successful suicide attempts, and children with parents who have mental illness, and children who are facing homelessness

All that in one class? Confused

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 12:53

maybe not in 33

youd be surpised though. Id would say would be a third

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/10/2012 12:53

"I started the thread here after receiving phone calls this morning from other parents and carers who had on tackling the homework this weekend expressed concerns"

BTW.. why are parents and carers doing a 7yo's homework for them? Isn't this one of those situations where the child may have quite a different idea about what constitutes 'scary' compared to the adults and that it's one topic where they should be left to say what they think?

Kewcumber · 15/10/2012 12:54

do you not trust the teacher? personally nope

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 12:55

How cna you let your kid go to a school with staff you dont trust?

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 12:55

COgito - its year 7

Kewcumber · 15/10/2012 12:56

Wouldn't you still be supervising homework of an 11 year old who's only just moved to secondary? I would have thought it quite common?

missymoomoomee · 15/10/2012 12:57

When my son was 5 he got a homework sheet entitled dead or alive and they had to identify the living things from the sheet of pictures, his sister had passed away 4 days before this and the school were fully aware of it, I was fucking furious.

I don't think this situation would bother me tbh none of the kids are going to go into anything they don't want to most of them will say fairly innane things rather than spilling family situations to their class I would imagine.

Kewcumber · 15/10/2012 12:59

I trust them to safely teach my child RE/Maths/PE etc - I don't trust them to be able to deal with a whole can of worms opened up by issues around DS's adoption. Because they have no training or experience (that I know of).

Aged 14+ maybe I'd be more confident that DS would be "honest" in a more considered way and would deal with the potential outcome better. At 11 in a new school - high risk in DS's case.

Mintyy · 15/10/2012 13:00

Cogito - I don't do my Yr 7's homework for her but I do read it! I imagine the vast majority of parents look at their children's homework.

Odd comment!