To be a bit narked about this party

[StrangeGlue]

oh my first AIBU....eek!

My friend and her sister are having a join 35th party. It's a train journey away (£72) and obviously I'll get her a present.

The invite has arrived and I have to take my own food and drink!

They both work and they're having the party in their well-off parents back garden (so no venue hire costs) so am I being unreasonable to think they could be supplying at least the food if not also the drink?

Wrap up, drink red wine and order a take-a-way - something warming for one!

Asking guest to bring food and drink sounds a bit stingy.

I've been to parties where I've been asked to bring my own drinks, but I've only ever been asked to bring food when I've said something like "Do you want me to bring along any food for you?" first.

Turn up with a bottle of wine & a party bag worth of Wotsits purchased from the corner shop, no? I would presume they only want cards, not gifts.

Take Pom Bears.

The cheek of some people!

YADNBU and I wouldn't bother going, sounds awful, I hate being cold.

So you're expected to pay £72 to travel for hours, juggling a homemade quiche and 2 bottles of wine, and a present to sit (or is it bring your own chair?) in a freezing, damp garden in the dark?!?!

The bloody cheek of it. Don't go, save the money and go out for dinner instead. Even as a student when we threw parties we would all chip in (as a house) to buy some pizzas and nibbles for our guests. My mum thinks it's the ultimate taboo to not provide food when people are drinking.

"Or you could pitch up and say "I've brought my favourite dish to share. It's a packet of Wotsits".

:o

Do this!

Presumably this mean pair will also get to keep all the leftover casseroles, pies, lasagnes and pavlovas and eat for free for a week (plus any leftover booze as well).

Hi everyone, thanks for your comments! I'm strangely pleased as I thought I was being a bit miserable.

Yep it is also 200+ miles away but that inevitable as people spread out as you grow up.

It is a bit studently really, I said to DH that I was hoping to have grown out of this stage by now. When she said she was having a party I thought oh great and imagined something a bit more sophisticated.

Ho hum, I dunno what I'm going to do yet but glad to see I'm not the only one who'd think about not going.

I've just remembered the only time I asked guests to bring anything. We had a gangsters and molls casino party for one new year. We bought everything for the casino (green baise for the tables, poker chips, card dealers, a roulette wheel etc). We also decided to do a cocktail bar. We of course layed on food but we also had wine, beer and every spirit imaginable for the cocktail bar.

We asked our guests to bring mixers - a carton of orange, coke, lemonade etc. We thought it was fair enough to do that but maybe not now I think about it. :(

That's completely different to standing outside in November having brought your own food and drink! That sounds great (much more along the lines I was expecting).

I think it must be that entitled thing that some well-off people have going. I'd be embarrassed to behave like that but I have poop person's Morales.

What are you going to do? On Tje one hand I think you shoukdnt go, but then...we need you to report nback

I never understand it when people invite guests and tell them to bring their own refreshments! But then it's never happened to me in 42 years of RL, only ever read about it on Mumsnet.

As others have said, occasionally if we are hosting a big party for family Christmas or a get together with old friends - ie something we were all organising but happened to be at my house - I'll ask for a couple of bottles/puds but supply everything else.

But I'd never decide to throw myself/dh/dcs a birthday party and ask for a single thing from a guest. Plain rude.

No way would I go - bloody cheek.

I'd be tempted to take a Pyrex dish, and say "this is my fave one!!"

They sound childish and greedy. I wouldn't go!

Sometimes I'll do a thing with friends where the host cooks the main meal and everyone else brings wine and a something for pudding, which takes the pressure off the host a bit. But not the whole meal!

I also think asking people to bring mixers to a cocktail party is totally fine. It's not like asking for expensive spirits.

Is it possible they have some sort of massively expensive surprise Event planned that will be totally worth you pitching up with a Tescos Finest quiche, and it's costing them so much and will be so wonderful that you'll be weeping with gratitude that you went along?

Organise a tesco order to arrive half an hour after you do, you could have fun with what you order.

We definitely need you to go and report back.

'It is a bit studently really.

I wouldn't have problem with it, i even like it, but then it has to be studently all the way. Which means a very small 'funny' present £2-3 and everybody in jeans and who knows it might be fun.

But if they expect good presents and spend £100 on outfits then it is not studently, it is cheap.

Another one who wouldn't go but send her a lovely gift. Don't fancy standing around outside in November for any length of time.

YANBU.

You throw a party, you provide the food, drink and a warm hospitable welcome.

Then when you attend a party, someone else provides these for you.

i wouldnt dream of doing that its really tight to throw a party and expect guests to provide all that

I'm really wavering between going with a bottle of blue nun and a packet of wotsits and a Pyrex dish so I can report back or not going and enjoying not having spent the best part of £100 (train, drink, food, present) on standing on a freezing lawn.

Argh I'm genuinely torn as I do like her. She's not grabby but her and her family are dead tight. Her DH is an arse too so not making small talk with him would be a relief!

Theonewiththehair-sounds fantastic! I wouldn't have minded as a guest to bring a bottle of spirits. Can I come to the next one?

You'd be mad to go!

Send her a card and a voucher. Tell her you'd love to arrange something soon for the two of you. And keep your £100 for something actually worth spending it on!