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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit narked about this party

149 replies

StrangeGlue · 15/10/2012 12:17

oh my first AIBU....eek!

My friend and her sister are having a join 35th party. It's a train journey away (£72) and obviously I'll get her a present.

The invite has arrived and I have to take my own food and drink!

They both work and they're having the party in their well-off parents back garden (so no venue hire costs) so am I being unreasonable to think they could be supplying at least the food if not also the drink?

OP posts:
Original poster
StrangeGlue · 15/10/2012 12:56

Invite says " arrive anytime after 6, wear warm clothes, bring your favourite drink and dish to share and let X or X know if you need somewhere to stay."

OP posts:
golemmings · 15/10/2012 12:58

We have a party every summer. We buy a couple of barrels of beer and ask folk to bring something to sling on the bbq'd that other's can share. We provide buns and salad and stuff so a contribution to food doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Taking your own picnic does sound a bit odd though...

Original poster
StrangeGlue · 15/10/2012 12:58

If I saw her regularly I'd make my excuses but I rarely see her. Might have to swallow my grump and eat all my tesco finest crips myself

OP posts:
SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 15/10/2012 12:59

A summer BBQ is a bit different to a winter birthday party though.

MsVestibule · 15/10/2012 12:59

So, you've been the offered to opportunity to travel a significant distance (I'm guessing that by the cost of the train fare), bring your own food and drink and stand in a (literally) freezing garden in order to celebrate somebody's birthday.

Can't think why you're not rushing to book that £72 train fare Hmm.

You say if you don't go, you won't get the chance to see her for ages. Why? If you don't mind spending the time and money to travel to a party, why don't you spend it a couple of weeks later when you might actually be allowed into her house?

Viviennemary · 15/10/2012 13:00

Of course you would simply love to go but you've got theatre tickets or something else that night. It sounds as if it's going to be a dire miserable event.

squeaver · 15/10/2012 13:00

Oh dear. It sounds absolutely dire.

I think developing some sort of highly infectious disease shortly before the date would be a good idea.

Or you could pitch up and say "I've brought my favourite dish to share. It's a packet of Wotsits".

Original poster
StrangeGlue · 15/10/2012 13:00

golemmings that sounds more reasonable to me somehow, I think its because they're asking guests to bring both food and drink so I feel like I'm taking the party with me.

OP posts:
ScarahStratton · 15/10/2012 13:00

I'd just reply back with 'Thanks X, I'll be staying at home'. Confused

detectivebeaver · 15/10/2012 13:00

That sounds like my idea of hell and I definitely wouldn't go.

Original poster
StrangeGlue · 15/10/2012 13:03

msV you have a good point. We don't see each other often due to the distance but we were good friends when we lives closer. I might well make my excuses and go later. I prefer one-to-one to parties anyway.

OP posts:
IanPhlegming · 15/10/2012 13:05

£72 for a train? Is it 200 miles?

kerala · 15/10/2012 13:06

Feeling paranoid now am having a party and asking guests to bring food and drink. 10 couples been going out last Saturday before Christmas but last 2 years the restaurants been so crowded and expensive suggested we host as have biggest house. Hope people aren't pissed off that I'm not providing all the food and drink as well as the venue...

itsatrap · 15/10/2012 13:07

A (now ex) friend threw a party a few years ago for her dp, the food consisted of a few Iceland party platters and soggy sandwiches. she then sent a (mortified) friend round the party guests with a glass asking for contributions for the food! The worst bit is she then spent ages bragging about how much profit she had made from peoples contributions! Bonkers!

In conclusion, yanbu. It sounds like a pretty crappy party!

itsatrap · 15/10/2012 13:11

Kerala - imo you situation is different, unless you would have been footing the restaurant bill!

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 13:12

i think tis fine to ask for food OR drink but both tbh unless its ahuge bbq is a bit of a con ( unless its a work do for eg)

i like taking food and people doing that here - really interesting but there is intevitable a cost to a party and as she isnt even providing four walls then WHY is she having the party?

to get presents?

Jusfloatingby · 15/10/2012 13:17

It sounds very odd and more like something students would do than two thirty five year olds. If they can't afford to throw a party, then they just shouldn't throw one. Expecting people to travel for miles to attend a party where no food and drink will be provided is a very big ask and a bit cheeky, in my opinion.

IanPhlegming · 15/10/2012 13:20

We put on a new year's party a couple of years ago DJ was £500, and we asked people to contribute £20.

Not many did mind.

MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 13:28

no - dont have the DJ if you cant afford it

BlueSkySinking · 15/10/2012 13:29

Could you text and just say, do you mind if i just bring a bottle as the train is a small fortune!'

Mypopcornface · 15/10/2012 13:32

My friend's husband organised a surprise Birthday party for her last year. He asked everyone to bring a bottle of RED wine (his favourite) to share...he offered each person a glass of champagne at the beginning of the party and that is it. There was food but not much. There were loads of wine there at the table from the guests, but no glasses or bottle opener, he didn't offer anyone wine and nobody was drinking anything...until I passed in front of the kitchen and saw him and 2 lads drinking beer!!!

FunnysInLaJardin · 15/10/2012 13:33

If you are 14 and having a bring a bottle party, no food and drink is fine. If you are 35 it's not. It's mean and I would make my excuses tbh

helenthemadex · 15/10/2012 13:33

take a pack lunch and a flask of soup!

its a bloody cheek basically they are providing a venue and that's it, you have to pay for the food, drink and take a pressie

I don't think I would be spending £72 to go to this

WinterStepThisWay · 15/10/2012 13:36

If you care about seeing your friend you might end up disappointed as she'll be very busy being a host and talking to her other friends. I honestly wouldn't bother. It is freezing outside after 6pm and yes, asking you to bring your own food and drinks when you're already forking out on the train ticket and presumably a birthday gift is really tight. What sort of a party is that?! I would save up my money and visit another time.

MontBlanc · 15/10/2012 13:43

Some of these stories are awful! Do these people not understand the definition of hospitality? If you invite someone to your home you make them feel welcome, keep them warm, feed and refresh them. OP you will not be getting any of these!

If you can't be arsed with the whole hospitality thing you invite people to the pub instead.

Definitely do not go!!