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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to secretly think she was a bit mean?

53 replies

itwasallyellow · 14/10/2012 18:45

Swimming today, ds has got a little friend there. Queuing up today I didn't even notice the little boy was wearing pink goggles, I vaguely noticed the boy say something about them being girls but didn't pay attention. Next thing ds laughs and points and says 'haha they're girls', little boy looks upset and says to his mum 'see I told you' tries to take them off and burys his head in her.

I was very embarassed and firmly told ds off and told him not to be so rude and unkind and it doesn't matter what colour things are, not to laugh and upset people.

But aibu to secretly think it was a bit mean to make the boy wear the pink ones if he didn't really want to, I'm bu aren't I?

OP posts:
PollyLove · 14/10/2012 18:48

YABU, your DS was the problem not the colour of the goggles.

Gumby · 14/10/2012 18:52

Yabu
Your ds needs to learn some manners

Original poster
itwasallyellow · 14/10/2012 18:55

To be fair he's 4 years old, and I don't think he was being intentionally spiteful, just silly as they do calling eachother sillyheads etc, think he got a shock when he realised he'd upset the boy and that he got told off.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/10/2012 18:55

But you don't know he was 'made' to wear them.

Perhaps he was freaking out and whinging about not being able to find his usual pair so his Mum told him to wear those or none at all.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 14/10/2012 18:56

YANBU, the other little boy mentioned them first. And little boys are cruel, it's a fact of life. Force your kids into pink all you want, other boys will pick up on it and they will laugh as they get older, regardless of the slack handful of liars people on here that claim their 15yo DS has always worn dresses and no one at school ever bats an eyelid and he's really popular etc.

FamiliesShareGerms · 14/10/2012 18:57

Yes you are (even though I agree)

Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:00

Has he got an elder sister?

This really bugs me - the sheer NUMBER of people who tell me that I am mean for making DD wear SOME of DS's old clothes (believe me, she has LOTS of pink...) but jeans are jeans. She is 3, FGS, and he is 4. I am not going to chuck all of his stuff out only to rebuy something almost identical for her in 6 months time. It's crazy.

My DD regularly is forced to wear blue stuff (especially when it comes to stuff she does for an hour per week like swimming and horseriding. I'm afraid lessons cost enough as it is. She is issued with an ultimatum... do the lesson in what reasonable equipment I provide for you or... DON'T DO THE LESSON. I am not being dictated to by a 3YO.

FWIW, I do make my DS wear a lot of red now, to make it easier on both of them Wink

numbum · 14/10/2012 19:00

And little boys are cruel, it's a fact of life

What a load of crap!!

boredandrestless · 14/10/2012 19:00

AIBU to secretly think people should stop raising their kids to believe pink is for girls?

My DS loved pink, and didn't realise it was supposedly "for girls" until he started primary school and then discarded his favourite pink objects that HE had chosen himself.

I'm glad to hear you told your son off for being rude and unkind and that you told him it doesn't matter what colour things are.

Original poster
itwasallyellow · 14/10/2012 19:01

Kind of what I was thinking *desp^ however neutral you try to be at home they pick things up externally from nursery/school. But expected to get a mixed bag/get totally flamed for this one.

OP posts:
boredandrestless · 14/10/2012 19:02

Little boys are not cruel as a fact of life
children in general are not cruel as a fact of life either. Hmm

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/10/2012 19:04

Yabu and YANBU. I wouldn't intentionally put my son in pink goggles, but I can imagine that it might happen if we were in a hurry, we couldn't find the usual ones and it was pink or nothing.

I don't think it's helpful to OP to tell her her child was the problem, he is only doing what four year olds do.

Original poster
itwasallyellow · 14/10/2012 19:04

I've honestly never encouraged pink/blue. Ds was oblivious until his last year at nursery, since then it's got progressively worse though. His favourite colour is red though.

OP posts:
Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:05

Itwasallyellow - I don't think you are being at all unreasonable to think that most boys generally favour blue and most girls favour pink.

I had assumed, given the 13 month age gap between mine, that DD would wear ALL of DS's clothes. The minute she could yell 'PINK' she did so.

And, in everyday situations, I agree with you.. but for something they do for an hour a week (and perhaps haven't actually decided they really like or not)... you just have to put up with it.

akaemmafrost · 14/10/2012 19:05

Well I wouldn't have got him pink ones. There has to be some awareness of what kids might tease about really, doesn't there. Poor kid.

Sounds like you told your ds as well, so that parts ok. Four year olds do need things explaining, what with them being only FOUR! (that's for those who think he was mean and/or needed to be taught some manners).

Original poster
itwasallyellow · 14/10/2012 19:12

Yes did think that a little ott, but entitled to opinion.

Ds isn't usually spiteful, just still a little unaware of what's approtpirate at times, hence needing correcting. The other boy is a couple of years older so will be more aware.

OP posts:
Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:16

Seriously, can someone give me a reality check? What is so wrong about pink goggles worn for a maximum of 1 hour per week? (Unless this child is in the Tom Daley school). I can see if he were being sent out in a tutu or dressed as tinkerbell for parties... but seriously??? goggles for swimming???

My DD does swimming lessons in my DS's old swim shorts and a t-shirt. She does horseriding in her brother's old clothes. Jeans / wellies / hats / gloves: ALL BLUE.

It's a bloody non issue. The school I choose to send her to demand her coat is navy blue. No one shouts that they should let her choose a pink one, because that's what she'd prefer. I cannot be the only parent who doesn't go and buy clothes for their 3-4YOs just because the 3-4YO demand it. I just can't.

rainbowinthesky · 14/10/2012 19:19

Dd has blue goggles. How bizarre that anyone would think this an issue.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 14/10/2012 19:23

YABU. The mother wasn't being mean at all. Maybe the little boy has sensitive eyes, couldn't find his pair and it was the only pair they could lay their hands on this morning.

Your DS shouldn't have said what he said, but it sounds like you handled it correctly.

Whoever said little boys are cruel, that is bollocks, children can be cruel. It is up to adults to deal with it and set them on the right path!

NonnoMum · 14/10/2012 19:24

Really? It's the 21st century. No one approves of such random bullying these days.
Are you raising him to never cry and never cook too?

Original poster
itwasallyellow · 14/10/2012 19:25

Argh, I'm an idiot! As I say I hadn't even noticed/had stern word with ds about teasing/know full well it 'shouldn't' bloody matter what colour things are.

Just aware kids do pick up on things like that and boy appeared to be unhappy about wearing them. I'd quite probably do the same if it was necessary e.g. lost arm bands.

Will mind my own business next time! And I'm definitely not excusing teasing no way, no how.

OP posts:
Original poster
itwasallyellow · 14/10/2012 19:27

Really? It's the 21st century. No one approves of such random bullying these days.
Are you raising him to never cry and never cook too?

Erm, did you read the bit where I said I told ds off? Bullying? I'd hardly call a 4 year old making one remarks bullying.

And no I'm certainly not raising him like that you are being wayyy over the top.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 14/10/2012 19:34

Oo: you did the right thing in BT reprimanding your son.

But YABU in assigning rigid gender expectations to colour, and I hope that you DS will learn from what you actually said, not what you secretly think. People should always be free to wear whatever they like without fear of taunt or attack. Of course children who are still learning the basics of adequate public behaviour need correction and guidance so they learn this.

Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:35

Itwasallyellow - I feel I should defend you here. You did exactly the right thing.

My DS has HFA (high functioning autism). Seriously, I am laughing out loud to hear that such bullying doesn't exist. It does. From the kids and the parents. I live and breathe it. My son (Reception) came out of school having been battered by three of his 'peers' on Friday. He is still ill and won't be going to school tomorrow (if ever again, to be honest).

It does exist and it should be challenged (which is what you did).

anewyear · 14/10/2012 19:36

Had a long day, so hope this makes sense but I hate all this pink and blue only stuff with a passion.

As a Childminder and Early Years Practitioner I try my best to 'teach' diversity, acceptance awareness etc etc

Kids are conditioned to wear these colours, because adults allow it.

What is wrong with just plain, old fashioned reds, yellow, green, purple, orange, brown, and of course blues and pinks for everyone?
.