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AIBU?

to have told MIL to go fuck herself?

241 replies

ellargh · 14/10/2012 16:57

DD was very ill last night. She had been unwell for 2 days but last night her temperature spiked, she was in a lot of pain with her throat and was in and out of sleep all day. I decided to call the OOH surgery who told me to get up there at 11:30pm. We have no car and no money until next week so had to ring about for help.

My dad had had a few drinks so couldn't and my only other family that drives is my grandad who was in bed. DPI phoned soon to be MIL as she lives a few streets away and both her and FILL are teetotal. She said she didn't want to then seemed to come around and asked "Who will be going?" DP said me and she said no then he said he would go instead. I am fed up of her shit she dislikes me for no reason and has the 5 years DP and I have been together. She has a reason now though as I shouted "Oh tell her to go fuck herself then".

DD ended up at the OOH after my sister sent us in a taxi to her house then back up to the OOH to lend me £20.

DP said I could have worded it differently but it's just what he didn't have the balls to say but now DP's sister is threatening me and apparently within 12 hours it's got around his aunties and uncles who now dislike me :/

Sorry this is long but I didn't want to drip feed. MIL and I don't get on but when it comes to a favour for her 4 year old GD surely it's not fair?

OP posts:

Report

squoosh · 14/10/2012 19:08

Well luckily she wasn't trying to endear herself Leena. She was venting her frustration that the old cow would rather allow her granddaughter suffer than be in the company of her daughter in law.

pumpkinsweetie · 14/10/2012 19:08

Leena Even if that was the case, in this instance the mil could have thought of the welfare of her gk.
No sick little girl wants to be without their mummy and no mummy of sick child wants to be without their child!

pumpkinsweetie · 14/10/2012 19:10

And everyone snaps when we get frustrated with a tight fisted miserable old sap. "Go f* yourself" imo is quite light considering the circumstances

akaemmafrost · 14/10/2012 19:10

As the OP has not mentioned that there have been these kind of exchanges before I am thinking it's a bit to judge the OP on them. Basically you are forming an opinion on something YOU imagine might have happened.

akaemmafrost · 14/10/2012 19:11

Again Leena. Would YOU put conditions on helping your ill grandchild?

Leena49 · 14/10/2012 19:11

Mm it's sad all round. I just can't imagine my MIL saying that and I can't imagine me ever venting my frustration like that.
Ultimately everyone including the little girl will suffer from this breakdown in relationship.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby · 14/10/2012 19:13

Imo y were nbu. Mil was out of order.

akaemmafrost · 14/10/2012 19:13

OP does your MIL Leena come on MN?

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 14/10/2012 19:13

WTF is wrong with the woman? MIL not you OP.

If I had been the MIL I'd have had my shoes on and been out the door on double quick time!

Yes you were rude, she deserved it so tough shit IMVHO. Look on the brightside, Christmas just got cheaper!

akaemmafrost · 14/10/2012 19:15

No great loss without some gain eh tuttu?

Leena49 · 14/10/2012 19:15

Ha ha no I'm not the MIL. Thank god!

BarbarianMum · 14/10/2012 19:17

Maybe it would be wrong of me, but I would personally find her behaviour pretty much unforgivable. Noway would I apologise and I couldn't care less what various relatives think.

I would probably provide a lift to a complete stranger if their child was sick and they were desperate, and I'm not a particularly nice person.

pumpkinsweetie · 14/10/2012 19:19

Severing ties can be good, me & kids are now estranged from mil and everyone including dcs are now much happier without her toxic affect she had on our lifes.

What sort of 'grandparent' refuses to drive mum & child to hospital? Because even my awful mil wasn't that dreadful & thats saying something!

BillyBollyBandy · 14/10/2012 19:22

For goodness sake I would have taken you if you had asked and I don't know you from Adam!

Stuff her. No doubt most of the family know what she is like, and if they don't they soon will. Poisonous and irrelevant is how you should view her.

londone17 · 14/10/2012 19:23

Yanbu op. I'd save myself the hassle by cutting them out of your lives as they're not your family at the end of the day and you've nothing to lose.

IneedAsockamnesty · 14/10/2012 19:27

so im sure ive got this correct...

you had no idea what was wrong with dd?
you were concerned enough to call ooh dr?
ooh dr was concerned enough to actually see dd?
stbmil is dd's gm?
gm actually asked who was going before she said no?
you never normally ask gm for help?
and all you said was tell her to go fuck herself?

yabu i would have told her to fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck and when she got there fuck of some more and stay the fuck there.

IneedAsockamnesty · 14/10/2012 19:29

and fwiw,if a total stranger knocked my door with a sick child who needed a dr, i would drive them to one.

londone17 · 14/10/2012 19:32

Well said!

Morebiscuitsplease · 14/10/2012 19:34

Sometimes you get to the end of your tether with folk. If you can say sorry and mean it do it,but I too have been in a situation and I couldn't say sorry because I wasn't. Such behaviour is exceptional for me but I had to be true to myself. Sometimes these situations can make everyone reflect and once all is calm ..you can rebuild.
Best of luck, be kind to yourself and hope your little girl is well soon.

PeppermintLatte · 14/10/2012 19:35

Surprised at the number of posters taking the MIL's side.

Yanbu. She was bang out of order & you must be at the end of your tether. Providing you've always tried in the past and always been as pleasant as you can up to this point, then i don't see how you can be at fault. I'd be telling your sis in law & the aunties and uncles who are having a say to go and fuck themselves as well.

GhostShip · 14/10/2012 19:35

Sockreturning :o

Your username confused me for a second there..

NonnoMum · 14/10/2012 19:35

You are 45!
I thought you must be about 17.

So - you haven't been bothered to learn to drive. Your own father was too drunk to drive you. Your daughter had been ill for 2 days but you decided that you must have a lift to the doctors on a cold Saturday night. You haven't budgeted for any contingency money in case your children are ill/emergencies that you are prepared to deal with as an adult, and when people aren't at your beck and call, you dare to tell them to GO FUCK THEMSELVES.

You sound charming.

Hope your daughter is OK...

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Lavenderhoney · 14/10/2012 19:38

Oh dear. Could you ask your future dh to call her, tell her dd is fine now and explain he is marrying you, so you arent going anywhere? Plus the rest of the family sound like they enjoy a family bust up. I would try to defuse it as Christmas and your wedding could be ruined for you all. Your future dh has to speak to all IMO and explain the circumstances, sure you shouted what you did but of course you would go with your dd, it's her tht is important not family strife. He could say you feel unhappy they all react like this. Your future mil needs to know you are a family unit. Can you invite them for tea and try to talk? Ask her to be able to try at least, as you are. I would be very worried about a big drunken wedding bust up. Where are your family? Do they get on with her? She might be playing the matriarch. It took my mil 5 years to realise I wasnt a pushover like my other sil. She is fab now:) but she tried to control my weding which i will never forgive her for. But thats another thread!! Dh stood up for me which has to happen always.

Don't let it worry you too much tbh. Concentrate on getting dd well. Poor sweetie, my dear old doctor told me to seve ice cream first before dinner, to soothe throats:)

Do you rely on them for other things?

ellargh · 14/10/2012 19:38

There have been no exchanges like this with MIL. I may have vented to DP about her but in our situations it's usually very strained civility ie. her ignoring my presence and never any shouting or heated discussions. If she can see I'm getting to the point where I'll say something untoward she will leave and tell everyone on her side that I made her feel awful and uncomfortable by being present in my own house when she dropped something in for DP. I may have been what constitutes to her as rude but not sworn at her or really been what I consider rude.

I ask MIL for nothing. DP will ask her for things for himself if we don't have the money (in the past to buy a uni book as an early Christmas present etc) but never anything for mine or the children's benefit. She will buy cakes for the DCs and to give them to DP for them and £10 in a birthday card but doesn't see them off her own back ever. The only exception is when she's dropping in to say something to DP and sees the DCs for a maximum 2 minutes even if I'm not there.

I don't feel like I deserve this but believe she did. My side of the family are livid at her but DP just says he's fed up of it and just keeps the peace until it gets out of hand.

OP posts:

squoosh · 14/10/2012 19:41

NonnoMum you sound a warm hearted charmer yourself

Oh and the OP didn't say she was 45.

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