Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to slightly judge nursery worker?

150 replies

pleasethanks · 12/10/2012 10:45

Okay I am probably ABU to judge her, but I think many of you might have....

There is a lady who works at DD's nursery who is rather pregnant. When I went to pick up DD I saw her walking away (the pregnant lady) at the end of her shift, smoking. She is about 7 months pregnant.

I don't have a problem at all with nursery staff smoking, up to them. But I did feel slightly odd about seeing a pregnant lady, who cares for children, smoking.

AIBU?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2012 13:49

Ruby Cheeky didn't say why she had pins stuck in her eyes

I don't think it was necessarily anything to do with pregnancy?

I think she was just remarking on the phrase 'I'd rather stick pins in my eyes' IYSWIM?

I could be wrong though

bubalou · 12/10/2012 13:51

Worral - the last thing I said was not a dig - I said I was done with the discussion with you both as we clearly weren't going anywhere.

I don't get where my snide comments are?

Ruby - I wasn't being a loon as in if some random stranger told me sticking pins in my eyes would guarantee me a healthy baby that is what I would do - I was trying to put across the point that I - like a lot of mums I know would have done almost anything to make sure our baby comes out safe and in good health.

PosieParker · 12/10/2012 13:52

Thought this was worth repeating

cheekydevil Fri 12-Oct-12 11:48:32
Minding your own business when you see someone harming their unborn baby.
Minding your own business when you see someone harming their baby.
What's the difference?

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2012 13:53

"Worra & Betty upthread would have had a field day - this woman was obese and a smoker"

Snide comment ^^

HTH

RubyFakeNails · 12/10/2012 13:54

Worra I was talking about bub's post it seems.

Bub, I know the point you're making that if that was the medical advice you would do it. I understood that from the beginning. I still maintain its lunacy. I wouldn't do 'anything' and if pregnancy was that much of an ordeal I think the birth rate would dramatically reduce.

Pins in your eyes! Cannot wait to tell my mother about that one.

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2012 13:56

Oh I see Ruby

I think I blocked the whole pins episode out after reading poor old Cheeky's post!

MadameCupcake · 12/10/2012 13:57

I don't think people will ever not judge but they shouldn't actually say anything to the person as its not their place!

There are not many people who wouldn't judge a person who is smoking whilst pregnant but like Ruby said I agree that the pins comment is deranged! Some people think they are so much much better than others - I hate this sort of thing - I mentioned to a friend of mine that DH and I may go away for a few days without the DCs, she said that her and her DH were going away overnight in a couple of months and it was pulling at her ovaries just thinking about that let alone going away longer like us - as if she feels more for her DCs than us!

bubalou · 12/10/2012 13:59

Worra - I genuinely didn't mean it to be snide - a little sarcastic maybe but nothing more.

Ruby - I don't know what to add. I thought the point was clear - not lunacy as you have put.

I'm obviously not very good at wording things but some people up thread understood what I meant so hey ho.

ByTheWay1 · 12/10/2012 13:59

I would be more worried as a parent of a young baby at the nursery (what she does as a person is none of my business):

"Toxic particles in cigarette smoke can remain on nearby surfaces, as well as the hair and clothing of the smoker, long after the cigarette has been put out, and small children are susceptible because they are likely to breathe in close proximity; studies have linked this exposure to learning problems in children. "

Professor Jonathan Winickoff, Massachusetts General Hospital - author of one of the largest studies of "third hand" smoking done in the first world....

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/10/2012 14:00

Clearly - but just because you're a self titled - 'fitness fanatic' - doesn't mean that you can judge everyone that isn't a size 6!

Snide! HTH.

Pinkforever · 12/10/2012 14:01

yanbu.we all judge every single day so you holier than thou types get your heads out of your arse. i was a 4lb baby due to my selfish mother taking up smoking wgen pregnant! My ds was subsequently a small baby.had iugr as a direct correlation of me being a small baby.so yes smoking in pregnancy is fecking selfish and the behaviour of a moron imo...

bubalou · 12/10/2012 14:02

MadameCupcake - I do not think I am better then everyone else but yes I do think I am better then woman that smoke during pregnancy.

Sorry but it's true.

I agree you should have a few days away without the DC. Me and DH went away last year for 4 days without DS, he had a fab time with my parents and we got a much needed break.

I did miss him but I too had to put up with comments from a fellow mum who was much more obvious with - oh I could never leave mine over night, I'd miss them too much!

Her DC were 7 and 2 - no nights away - ever. But that is her choice and not mine. I think I would go crazy if DS didn't spend the occasional night with his DG. (About 3-4 times a year)

RubyFakeNails · 12/10/2012 14:03

No I completely understand what you are trying to say.

You would have done anything to ensure you had a healthy baby.

I personally wouldn't have done anything, I made an effort but, and maybe I'm selfish, I wouldn't have done things which caused me pain, stress or severe inconvenience. We clearly mix in different circles, as the majority of mothers I know are of a similar mindset.

bubalou · 12/10/2012 14:04

Betty and Worra - let it go - i cant even be bothered to spend time copying and pasting your both snide and idiotic responses.

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2012 14:05

Let what go?

I haven't said anything to you since my post at 13:53:01

And you answered that already

It's like living in a parallel universe on here at times.

bubalou · 12/10/2012 14:09

Sorry Worra - both tired and frazzled by this thread.

Teaches me to have an opinion for once.

Off for a

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2012 14:15

Fuck it no worries

Since neither of us are pregnant, let's make it a

Bumblebee333 · 12/10/2012 14:17

I think it is completely selfish to smoke when pregnant. I would judge someone and i think if you can't make that sacrifice for your unborn child how on earth and you going to make all the sacrifices it takes to be a great parent. I also hate it when people try and justify it. My most hated excuse is it's more stressful to stop trying and therefore more harmful to the baby. No you are just selfish stop trying to kid yourself.

bubalou · 12/10/2012 14:18

Don't tempt me. I've had the mother of all weeks that has lead me to vent on a mums forum about a subject that isn't really relevant to me.

< lots of this needed tonight after a loooooong week

ClippedPhoenix · 12/10/2012 14:30

how on earth and you going to make all the sacrifices it takes to be a great parent

Really? does seeing a pregnant person make you think this?

My god, some peoples arses must really be sqashed into those judgey pants

Molehillmountain · 12/10/2012 14:32

Yes it's selfish but nicotine is hugely, hugely addictive. Since I've never faced the challenge of giving up I choose not to judge.

Nancy66 · 12/10/2012 14:38

It's not ideal but it doesn't make her evil, it doesn't mean she won't be a good mother.

MadameCupcake · 12/10/2012 14:39

Buba sorry I think I was a bit harsh actually - I didn't see your post inbetween explaining what you meant. I didn't mean about the smoking - all I meant was that it suggested that you would but pins in your eyes whereas the other posters did not care enough about having a healthy baby - my apologies! I did everything possible to ensure I was doing the recommended things whilst pregnant - so not so dissimilar really!

Molehillmountain · 12/10/2012 14:43

Btw, being marginally flawed and facing struggles that others might judge you for and hopefully then having compassion for those who face the same or different struggles will serve her well when she becomes a mother. The smoking and the rest of her personal circumstances are between her, her health care professionals and her family. Feeling judged will hardly help her give up.

bubalou · 12/10/2012 14:45

@ Madam

It's OK, my pins in eye comment seems to have been taken a lot of different ways.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6