to slightly judge nursery worker?

[pleasethanks]

Okay I am probably ABU to judge her, but I think many of you might have....

There is a lady who works at DD's nursery who is rather pregnant. When I went to pick up DD I saw her walking away (the pregnant lady) at the end of her shift, smoking. She is about 7 months pregnant.

I don't have a problem at all with nursery staff smoking, up to them. But I did feel slightly odd about seeing a pregnant lady, who cares for children, smoking.

AIBU?

[ICBINEG]

Also the idea that it is none of anyone else's business is bollocks.

Do I and my family share a health service that is low on resources with this person? YES

Is it therefore my business that they are acting a way likely to increase their own and their child's use of said health service? YES

[WorraLiberty]

Well bub if you're going to judge one set of selfish people possibly putting a baby's life at risk, you certainly should include your selfish friend in that.

You can come up with as many reasons as you want for her obesity and I'm sure they're all perfectly 'valid'.

All addictions whether they be food, nicotine, alcohol or drugs are awful and all will carry risks to the unborn baby and the mother.

Which brings me back to my original point. People really shouldn't be judging anyone else without having lived their lives.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Obesity and smoking are different in that you can't simply give up being obese when you get a positive test.

No but you can make you sure that you lose weight and come off the obese scale before you decide to conceive then. Someone up thread said that people who smoke are selfish and therefore should not get pregnant........why should the same not go for obese people. Seriously, what is the difference if they both carry a risk for the unborn baby?

[bubalou]

I give up worra - on all the threads I see you on you seem to have a knack for overlooking any actual facts / evidence or valid points against your argument and just continue to spout nonsensical vague rubbish.

The bottom line is - smoking during pregnancy is bad. If you really think that's not true - then you're an idiot.

If women are happy to smoke when pregnant then I feel sorry their babies that their mother can't even make that sacrifice for them over her own selfish needs.

As for those trying to make themselves feel better about smoking during pregnancy - there is no justification but I am pretty sure you won't care as you obviously didn't care enough to quit in the first place.

[Youcanringmybell]

YANBU - it is very harmful.
My mum smoked 20+ throughout all her three pregnancies. Her eldest was born at 30 weeks due to complications directly related to smoking and had cerebal Palsy. She smoked throughout her second pregnancy which was a normal healthy preganancy and then thought that she could smoke when pregnant with me. I was born underweight.

When I was a toddler I remember walking into her cigarette and my lip getting burned and blistered. She still smoked even when we didn't have enough money for school shoes and I had to wear my brothers old shoes.

She still maintains that smoking never did us (her children) any harm. Now it has affected her health she has given up Bitch

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

The bottom line is - smoking during pregnancy is bad. If you really think that's not true - then you're an idiot

Same goes for being obese whilst pregnant so therefore your lovely friend is an idiot too!!

You are not answering the questions asked!

[bubalou]

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack and Worra

If you two want to feel better about smoking during pregnancy you are not going to get that from me.

As for talking about my friend Worra -I can't even write down what I would like to really say to you on that as no doubt you would report it but as always you are as stupid and ignorant as i always find you!!!!!!!!!

Of course after 5 lots of IVF my friend was NOT selfish to have a baby!

She is not hugely obese - but is overweight - however the difference is that she is healthy, exercises and doesn't just eat junk food!

[BonaDea]

YANBU.

To be perfectly honest there is a nursery at the end of my road (don't have any kids there - pregnant with DC1 now) and there is a lady working there I see going in and out who is hugely obese. I judge her and she's not doing anything at all except being fat. It just makes me think she's lazy and I wonder how she can run around all the kids in her care like that. I know this makes me a terrible person, but we all judge each other.

[bubalou]

What questions Betty???

You two are ignoring all the smoking facts because you are trying to make yourselves feel better and so are targeting what you call another group to try and justify this selfish behaviour.

I don't have time to try to explain to idiots about this sort of thing. The facts are there.

[elinorbellowed]

When I was recovering from my EMCS after DS, the woman opposite me left her baby alone to go out for a fag every hour, with her catheter still in. She was disgusting. She also complained to the midwives about 'that fucking crying baby' (mine) I hated her. In my post-natal hormonal-in agony-unable-to breast-feed-state I could have killed her. If it wasn't for the epidural I bloody would have done.
As for your nursery worker, I officially think that she can do whatever she likes on her own time, but it would change my opinion of her.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Ok......there is a list of health implications re smoking when pregnant - bad for baby.

There is a list of health implications re being obese when pregnant - also bad for baby. FWIW you dont have to be that overweight to be deemed obsese, just 20% heavier that your recommended body weight.

Both of these conditions are within the mothers control (with obesity most of the time, granted not all the time, but mostly inless medical problems like thyroid)

What makes one more acceptable than the other??

That is all I want to know

If you two want to feel better about smoking during pregnancy you are not going to get that from me Nope, I dont smoke so that's irrelevant really.

[bubalou]

I was at no point denying that being obese during pregnancy wasn't bad - you are the ones trying to sway the topic.

I also wasn't discussing drinking heavily during pregnancy, drugs or sky diving - they are obvious and all carry risks but they - like smoking are all within control.

I have large family members on My DH's side and I do judge them. They are fat and lazy and do fuck all but sit around and eat shit and they do not care they are fat and they have no desire to be anything else.

This is very different from someone who's body has been put through the mill more than you could understand with hormones and injections etc over the years - she wasn't obese when she tried to get pregnant - the obesity was a result of the treatments whilst trying to get pregnant! She managed to get back down to a 12 in-between her 2nd and 3rd round but as soon as she started the treatment again the weight came back on.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

This is in NO WAY the same as a purely selfish, unnecessary act that can cause your baby serious harm! I don't get why that's hard to understand

No, course you weren't. To be honest, you don't know me and have no idea of what I do and don't understand...I actually understand a lot about it thank you!

[bubalou]

Clearly - but just because you're a self titled - 'fitness fanatic' - doesn't mean that you can judge everyone that isn't a size 6!

Being overweight and smoking are not the same thing!

[WorraLiberty]

bub you really are angry about this aren't you?

Personal insults aside...

I don't smoke and I'm not pregnant...therefore I don't need to feel better about anything.

The FACTS I posted were from an NHS website and not nonsensical at all.

We all have babies for selfish reasons and I agree with whoever said upthread "Ask not if you want a baby, but whether your baby would want you."

Would any baby choose to grow inside the womb of someone whose addiction (be it food or nicotine) puts their life at risk and may possibly cause them birth defects and other abnormalities?

Of course they wouldn't and that goes for the baby of the Nursery worker in the OP and the baby of your obese friend.

But people take risks...we all do.

We all judge others as well, whether silently or vocally...but I do think if one is going to judge someone who possibly puts their baby at risk, they should judge equally.

But really if you're going to get so angry and personal, you might be better having a nice cup of tea and chilling out

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Being a fitness fanatic and a size 6 is not the same thing actually, the two don't go hand in hand!

Now you are being an idiot.

I've lost the will to live on this subject now .

[WorraLiberty]

So anyone who disagrees is a pregnant smoker and/or a size 6 fitness fanatic?

Righto...time to abandon thread methinks

[bubalou]

Betty calls herself a fitness finatic in her profile actually Worra.

We're not going to agree here.

I'm done.

[MadameCupcake]

I don't think it is your business at all but YANBU to judge. Who cares if she has cut down form 20 to 5 - she should not be smoking whilst pregnant regardless - it is selfish and dangerous. I have seen the effects with someone close to me - not on at all!!!

[DeliaRose]

I'll never forget a 'friend' of mine boasting about going straight out for a cigarette after giving birth to her baby "before I even held him". Her husband wheeled her out. I mean- FFS.

YANBU. I quit the day I got a line on that stick

[KenLeeeeeee]

YANBU to have judged her silently (and I would have too), but YWBU if you had said something to her.

[DeliaRose]

Also, another lady I know went blue in the face trying to convince me that the nurse had said that her 20 a day habit had nothing to do with the fact her baby was 4lbs and spent it first days in an incubator.

[bubalou]

DeliaRose - I have heard a similar one.

Worra & Betty upthread would have had a field day - this woman was obese and a smoker.

She was telling people that the hospital actually told her to carry on smoking otherwise her baby was going to be 'too big' to come out.

I swear on my life!

[WorraLiberty]

bub you're really letting yourself down with your digs here.

We've had a debate and the last time I looked, you'd said you were done?

I think you'll find that unlike yourself, I've said all the way through that no-one should be judging pregnant women without living their lives.

But don't let that get in the way of your snide comments...

[RubyFakeNails]

Oh how surprising this thread has kicked off!

I can't be arsed to read it in its entirety but I will say whoever posted about sticking pins in their eyes:

You utter loon! Maybe I'm horrendously selfish but I would absolutely not have stuck pins in my eyes to ensure a healthy baby, I wouldn't have even stuck them in my juicy desensitised arse. That has got to be one of the most deranged comments I've read on here for a while.