to slightly judge nursery worker?

[pleasethanks]

Okay I am probably ABU to judge her, but I think many of you might have....

There is a lady who works at DD's nursery who is rather pregnant. When I went to pick up DD I saw her walking away (the pregnant lady) at the end of her shift, smoking. She is about 7 months pregnant.

I don't have a problem at all with nursery staff smoking, up to them. But I did feel slightly odd about seeing a pregnant lady, who cares for children, smoking.

AIBU?

[MadameCupcake]

I know someone who went to weight watchers throughout her pregnancy, she lost weight the whole way through as she really made an effort. She was very overweight. I really admire her as that must have been hard but after having the baby she looks much better than she did before.

I still have no understanding of why anyone doesn't give up smoking the second they know they are pregnant. People give up smoking all teh time - my mum smoked 50-60 a day and gave up the day the consultant told her that all the time she smoked that much she would never get pregnant (she had been trying for years) - it is possible if someone wants it enough. Its only the baby who will suffer in the end!

[WorraLiberty]

Just because someone is slim in pregnancy does not mean they are putting their baby at less risk then a larger woman - not unless you know what they are eating every day!

It's ok I'm not back for 'round 2' but...

An obese woman eating healthily during pregnancy is still putting her baby at risk of all the things mentioned in my list above...no matter how healthily she eats.

Both slim and obese women should eat healthily...but the baby will take the nutrition it needs regardless.

It's a fact I'm afraid that slim mothers and their babies, are at far less risk of all the horrible things in my list above...and also that more than half of women who die during pregnancy are overweight or obese.

So even if they changed their eating habits, they still have a far higher risk of developing gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, having an abnormally high birthweight baby etc...

It's not necessarily about what they do/don't eat during the pregnancy, it's about the problems being overweight can cause.

[bubalou]

I know someone who was a size 8-10 before pregnancy - she is the same size still now her DD is 1.

She is the unhealthiest person I know when it comes to food. She eats absolutely no vegetables, fruit or salad - eats take away 4-6 times a week, when she 'cooks' at home its frozen pizza, pot noodles etc.

She did not change her eating during pregnancy - in fact she just claimed to just eat more chocolate.

My friend who I mentioned up-thread who had IVF etc and put on weight ate very healthy before and during pregnancy but is still classed as obese.

Just because someone is slim in pregnancy does not mean they are putting their baby at less risk then a larger woman - not unless you know what they are eating every day!

[osterleymama]

YANBU. I smoked 20 a day for 10 years before I fell pregnant (by accident). Quitting was fucking hard but I did it because that's what you DO. Not sleeping with a newborn is hard, not having time to yourself for months on end is hard. Pregnancy and having children in general is hard. But you put their needs before your needs and do what you have to. Smoking when pregnant is selfish and abusive and I would be horrified if someone who I trusted to look after kids openly smoked while pregnant in front of parents. She clearly doesnt give a shit.

[Bumblebee333]

Molehillmountain - you stated that feeling judged would hardly help her give up. The alternative to not saying anything or judging would make it seem like it's ok to do it. That is the last thing she needs to help her give up. I also don't give a shit if she feels bad. She should feel bad about it.

[Bumblebee333]

For the record I would also feel the same about drinking, drugs, bad foods, skydiving and the like whilst pregnant.

[Bumblebee333]

I accept it' easier for some than for others. But Russell Brand gave up heroine and he has an addictive make up. Still depends how much you want it in my opinion.

[cheekydevil]

Enough with the pins and eyes pleeeaaassee! I am trying to forget.

[Notafoodbabyanymore]

I also work in a nursery, but I don't smoke though. Smoking's disgusting!

[Notafoodbabyanymore]

Well, I'm obese and deliberately got myself knocked up both times.

Judge away. You know, because I find it really makes me feel like eating cake losing weight when people who don't know me look down on me because of the size of my arse.

[ICBINEG]

oh mws....well they are a law unto themselves...and rarely let evidence guide their advice...

they were probably advising on the same basis you were..."well back in my day...blah blah blah"

[ICBINEG]

so I think the points are:

1. don't judge people for eating cooked prawns - that's fine,
   
2. don't judge people for being overweight and pregnant unless you know they chose to conceive in that state,
   
3. feel free to judge* anyone engaging in an activity that increases the danger to their unborn child whether that is stuffing in a donut while obese or smoking, or eating brie, preferably at a level that reflects the actual risk to the baby.
   
   Where judging essentially means forming an opinion about someone based on their observed actions....in my case the opinion would be something like: Oh...I chose not to take that risk...well people have different thresholds about avoiding risk versus quality of life....although the baby isn't getting a choice....and to be honest it seems pretty fucking awful for the baby to get their share of the risk and not their share of the reward....

[mutny]

Regarding prawns my pg sister in law was advised the same and she is 16 weeks pg. So clearly some mws do some don't.

[mutny]

just want to say I do not judge over weight people pg or not.

It just seems smokers are allowed to be judged and sneered at but people don't bat an eyelid to people doing other things that could be dangerous.

Its acceptable to judge and sneer at smokers. And this is coming from someone who quit smoking the day I found out I was pg.

[mutny]

Prawns were a no no when I had my kids.

As for the rest of your posts erm perhaps you know them?

How do you know this woman is desperately not trying to stop and is failing but still trying?

[ICBINEG]

not according to NHS website. raw prawns are not advised but cooked shell fish is not prohibited at all...

[ICBINEG]

erm so what? How can you tell if an overweight pregnant person is eating healthily and exercising or is junk fooding and lounging?

So if you see an obese pregnant person they may be
a) a surprise mother who can't face abortion and is doing everything she can to reduce the risk to her unborn
b) someone who ttc while obese and then used pregnancy as an excuse to eat for two.

The one thing you can say about a pregnant smoker is they are certainly not doing everything they can to reduce the risk to their unborn child.

[mutny]

Prawns are not recommended during pg due to the high risk of food poisoning.

[mutny]

Righto just caught up with the thread. I agree with words at al by the way.

Obesity and smoking are different in that you can't simply give up being obese when you get a positive test.

No but you could give up eating junk and reduce the body fat safely during pg. Many overweight women just continue the same eating patterns getting pg is not a huge wake up call for them.

[ICBINEG]

prawns??? wtf have prawns done?

[mutny]

Yanbu as long as you judge every pg woman who eats prawns, liver etc. Every pg woman who is over weight and pg women who work until the last couple of weeks of their pg.

All these things can effect your unborn children. So OP do you judge over weight pg women?

At the the end of the day, I would not smoke in pg, but I wouldn't feel superior to those who feel the same way I do.

[Molehillmountain]

Has anyone actually said its okay for the woman to be smoking?

[Molehillmountain]

Bumblebee, it's not as biologically simple as that. Addiction is a whole science and some people are predisposed to become addicted than others. Of course some people make Herculean efforts to give up and succeed but others try and try, really do and can't give up. I feel for anyone who is trying to quit. If there's anyone I knew for certain had had the circumstances, upbringing, education, support and biology to enable them to give up but just went "I don't actually care" then I might judge. As it is, no judgement. Do I wish they'd be able to give up? Of course.

[Bumblebee333]

I think the last thing a pregnant smoker needs is someone telling her it's ok.

[Bumblebee333]

Yes it does. It makes me sick. Most people do give up so we know it is possible so why shouldn't some who "can't" be judged?

I have to wonder what kind of good mother risks there child's health when they have a choice not to. That is a fact. There is no getting round that. It is a choice a pregnant person is making.

I'm not saying it is evil but i really don't agree with it. I would and have told people who have done it in front of me that it really bothers me.