Sorry, this is a bit morbid! DH and I have been writing our will, and have come across a bit of a difference of opinion on who we would leave our stuff to. If both of us and the DC all were to die, god forbid, then we agree that we want all our stuff to go to our siblings. I have a sister and DH has a brother and a sister.
I assumed that we would say that my DSis would get half and the other half would be split between his two siblings, so 25% each for them. He assumed that we would split it in thirds and each sibling get a third.
It's not a big problem, we've talked it through and decided what we're going to say in the will. And hopefully, of course, this situation will never need to become a reality! But I wondered, what would you all think was fair in this situation?
AIBU?
to think my sister should get half
StripyElephant · 10/10/2012 19:39
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My gran used to be very insistent that everything had to be equal between everybody - she had 2 dc and they both had 2 dc so she would always give exactly the same to her dc or her gc whenever she gave anybody anything the other sibling or other grandchild had to have the same. Even if it was just a boiled sweet.
Unfortunately my darling wonderful dad died before my gran did. My uncle, who had always been a nice uncle, changed and became very distant, rarely saw us any more. My gran started talking about not having grandchildren any more because she no longer had a son - and with her old and twisted logic - if she no longer had a son, that meant we were no longer her grandchildren 
.
My uncle took my gran to make a new will after my dad died. In it, instead of leaving everything she had split between my dad and my uncle, with just a handful of items that were named to different people, it changed. She left almost everything to my uncle. One thing was left to be split between the grandchildren 4 ways. The things that she said would be given specifically to my mum (some of which she had been saying for more than 20 years she would give to her) she actively changed and said they were no longer for mum but for uncle, to keep them in the family .
And this is despite the fact that mum carried on visiting her far more often and doing far more for her than uncle and aunt ever did. She was happy enough to come to lunch every Sunday, or to go for a ride with mum or get mum to do her shopping or expect lots from her.
It's not the money that we didn't get that hurts. It's the fact that she basically decided that once dad was dead that we were no longer family and that when her weasly son was talking to her he did everything he could to encourage her in this. And I know if it had been the other way round, my dad would have told her off something rotten for daring to suggest that she wanted to leave everything to him now, he would have made her share it all equally between his family and our family.
So these things do throw shockwaves through the generations - it is worth fighting for a fair share for everyone.
And on a separate note - think that your dh ought to have this conversation with his siblings and check that they are all going to do the same for him and that they think it is fair too (and yours too) - interesting to see if there are familial differences or what different people think when there is a chance they could be a beneficiary to help sway their minds!
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