Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister should get half

161 replies

StripyElephant · 10/10/2012 19:39

Sorry, this is a bit morbid! DH and I have been writing our will, and have come across a bit of a difference of opinion on who we would leave our stuff to. If both of us and the DC all were to die, god forbid, then we agree that we want all our stuff to go to our siblings. I have a sister and DH has a brother and a sister.

I assumed that we would say that my DSis would get half and the other half would be split between his two siblings, so 25% each for them. He assumed that we would split it in thirds and each sibling get a third.

It's not a big problem, we've talked it through and decided what we're going to say in the will. And hopefully, of course, this situation will never need to become a reality! But I wondered, what would you all think was fair in this situation?

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 10/10/2012 20:18

There's no easy answer but we have the 'divide the estate between the two of us and cascade down to family from there' approach; ie your sister should get half.

It's perhaps easier for me to agree to, since DH has contributed by far the lion's share of the wealth. Some of that will be courtesy of his folks too.

EverybodysSpookyEyed · 10/10/2012 20:21

For us it is 50:50 but then my sister has kids and DH's siblings don't.

nkf · 10/10/2012 20:25

Have totally changed my mind. 50/50.

attheendoftheday · 10/10/2012 20:26

I would do half to each family, I think, assuming you want your sister to inheret your half and your dh wants his siblings to inheret his half.

Avago · 10/10/2012 20:33

50/50 split here. My DH has 3 siblings, I'm an only child, we've agreed a 50/50 split with my share going to my life long friends.

toddlerama · 10/10/2012 20:33

50/50

squoosh · 10/10/2012 20:33

50% to your sister.
50% to his siblings to divvy up between themselves as they see fit.

Definitely.

digerd · 10/10/2012 20:33

There is another case, which I think is important. Grandparents usually make a will stating that if one of their children dies before them then their child/ren are to inherit - grandchildren,- which means not the inlaw. This my parents did. I know someone who had a bachelor brother, and the house was left to both sister and brother. The sister was widowed and they lived in their late parents inherited house. The brother died with no children or spouse/partner, but he left his share of the ( parents) house to a long time girl-friend, who also had her her own home and no children, and they had never lived together . The sister had mild dementia, and her only child, needed the money from the whole house to pay for his mother's care, but got only half of it. He was married with small children. NOW, the grandparents should have stated in the will, that if one of their children had no children, then his half share must go to his sister if he died before her. They would have wanted this and not given away to a woman who did not even need it, leaving their grandson and family in financial difficulties caring for their mother.
In many continental countries, the heirs are legally the blood line descendants, which I think is right.

NathanDetroit · 10/10/2012 20:34

Same situation here and it would never occur to me to do third each! My brother and his family get my half, his two siblings get his half. Which reminds me to look into getting his brother taken off as his 2nd executor...a whole other story!

freddiefrog · 10/10/2012 20:35

DH and I have ours 50/50 to each family.

My family consists of my parents, my grandmother and 1 brother, DH's family is massive

travailtotravel · 10/10/2012 20:36

See we just went through this - on paper thirds makes sense, but emotionally it is only "Fair" if its half each - If you're arguing about the fact that one would get "more" find a charity to leave 25% to.

lurkerspeaks · 10/10/2012 20:38

digerd AFAIK (but I'm not a lawyer) it is really expensive to specify what happens to assets once you have died and passed them on.

IMO the error in the situation you describe was the siblings who lived together failed to deal with the joint ownership of the house in their own wills.

Once you have given something away you get very little say about who ends up with it unless you spend megabucks on a complex trust which means you aren't really giving it away at all....

SarkyWench · 10/10/2012 20:43

I have 1 sibling, dh has 6 siblings.

They each get 1/7th in our wills.

We want to share the money equally between a set of people who we love. my brother has no more/less right to the money than his siblings IMO.

I would only treat then differently if this money was in some sense 'family' money, inherited from other family members. Which it is not.

GoldShip · 10/10/2012 20:44

Half to each family!

sudaname · 10/10/2012 20:45

My DH and l have two adult DCs each and we have just done the four way split which seems quite neat and tidy and easy on the face of it. But now l have inherited my parents house l am thinking of changing mine. Why should his DCs benefit from my DPs hard work to pay for their house (no history with his DCs either we met when DHs youngest was 17) instead of it benefiting their own GCs and GGCs ?
Plus l am not a fan of one of his DC who has given DH and l a lot of trouble and the thought of him getting anything would kill me were l not obviously dead already at this point Grin
Wills are a nightmare, it's that heady mixture of money and families which come second only to religion imo in causing all strife in the world.

xkcdfangirl · 10/10/2012 20:47

How many children do your siblings each have?
We have a similar situation, but DH's one sibling has the same number of offspring as my two siblings have between them, so by splitting our estate between our nephews and nieces equally (each portion held in trust by their parents) we are effectively splitting the pot equally among the two sides.

HeadlessForHalloween · 10/10/2012 20:48

Legally 50% to each family.

But, I have to say, I would want to give 1/3 to each sibling. unless my il's were twats

sudaname · 10/10/2012 20:49

Sarky yes l agree with if some of it is family money it should be weighted towards that side of the family - bit like my current dilemma.

JoshLyman · 10/10/2012 20:53

digerd you can't really do what you suggest. You can't dictate what someone does with what you've given them. Their son had the right to leave his assets to who he wanted.

mumsbum · 10/10/2012 20:53

50/50 from me

Jenny70 · 10/10/2012 20:56

I think thirds "seems fairer" somehow, I know your half is being diluted into "his side" of the family - but assuming you're close to them all, it seems fairer - you've merged families. If there was a huge difference in numbers, perhaps I would reconsider.

FWIW my great aunt inherited a large estate from her husband when he died, which was mostly "his" money (family money and he worked hard, whilst she stayed at home, typical of that era). They never had children, but had a large extended family. When she died (about 10+ years after him), his family were livid as she shared the assets equally between the two sides of the family... they expected only a token amount to her side of the family (ie. us) and they would get "back" his money to their family.

Cue bitter family wrangled (fortunately her will was well written), but the one cost she had overlooked was getting a headstone for the plot next to her DH. His "lovely" descendents refused to contribute, despite inheriting LARGE sums... when she could have left it all to her side of family, but did the "right thing" by including both sides.

Horrible how wills bring out the grabbiness in people. OP, if you can, when you've decided, maybe explain to the family the reason behind your thinking on this (or write a letter for that scenario), or you may find neither side gets much after legal fees etc.

DowagersHump · 10/10/2012 20:56

sudaname - I'd make that part of your estate just for your DC personally.

My parents' wills state that if they remarry, the person they remarry will inherit nothing - everything goes to the children. I'm sure it's not the cheapest option but my mum's best friend died when she was 55 and everything now goes to her husband's new wife rather than his children.

charlearose · 10/10/2012 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

akaemmafrost · 10/10/2012 20:58

Half to each family.

MissWing · 10/10/2012 20:59

each decide your half

Swipe left for the next trending thread